Have all the good jokes already been told?

Are we now entering The Jokeless Age?

Prove me wrong!

---

Request for Question Clarification by digsalot-ga on 14 Sep 2004 22:21 PDT

So the race is on?  I am in the back stretch.

Woops, there is a hotdog stand up ahead.  Maybe I won't have to slow
too much to slather on the mustard.

Then there is the taco stand, the burger joint, a gourmet coffee
house, and that is all before the final turn.

So everybody else still has a chance.

> Now, let's have a race to see which Researcher is going to hit the
> Answer Button First ... There are 5 Contenders .... Will it be:

> Digs? (Probably still eating)
> Scripty? (Probably watching Pippin again)
> Subby? (Probably untangling his beard)
> Omni? (Probably flying high)
> Pinky? (Probably feeding a cat)

Right you are, sir. But it was a very small cat, and he could not eat
very much, so here I am.

Speaking of matters felinical, I must introduce the newest member of
our household. This is an adolescent kitty with a vision problem,
microphthalmia (translated from the Medicalese, this means "little
bitty eyes.") We have named this strange, sweet, shy creature Ivan the
Purrible. They were going to put him down if someone didn't take him,
and I like to think that I am someone, so one thing led to another.

Here is a photo of Ivan at the pet adoption center:

http://www.mortalwombat.com/Special/Pets/Ivan_the_Purrible.jpg

In view of the discussion about the lack of good jokes, the least I
can do is offer a cat joke, in honor of young Ivan.

==========

While strolling past a pet shop, a cat notices a sign in the window:
HELP WANTED. Knowing himself to be no ordinary feline, he saunters
into the shop and calls out "Hello! I'd like to apply for the job."

The owner of the pet shop is very amused at the idea of a talking cat,
and she wants to hear more, so she plays along, saying "Oh, I'm sorry,
but this is a clerical job. We need someone who can type and file."

The cat hastens over to the office typewriter and, quick as a wink, he
pounds out something about a quick brown fox and a lazy dog until he
has filled a page. He grabs a stack of papers, alphabetizes them by
subject matter, and puts them away in the file cabinet in less time
than one would expect of a critter who lacks opposable thumbs.

The owner is charmed, but of course she can't hire a cat, so she
thinks of another excuse. "You type very nicely, and your filing is
flawless, but this job demands computer literacy."

The cat immediately takes his place in front of the computer and,
mouse in paw, cruises the Web, gathering useful information about pet
shops (stopping briefly at Google Answers to see whether there are any
good jokes).

The owner is stunned. She has got to think of a tactful way to tell
this cat that she isn't going to give him a job.

"Well, you're an amazing cat indeed. You type, you file, and you're a
computer whiz. But we really, really must have someone who is
bilingual."

The cat stares imploringly into the owner's eyes and says "WOOF!" 

==========

Best always,
Pink

Hi, Pink

Great answer; great joke and great piccy ...

Very many thanks.

And who is that gorgeous redhead holding Ivan the Purrible?

Whoever she is, I hope that both she and Ivan have a great sense of humour.

Of course, it could be your sister.

Please send my regards to your sister.

All the Very Best

Bryan

(It looks as though Digs is still eating.)

Why did the Bush cross the road?  To get out of going to Vietnam.

Ooh, wait.  That's no joke.

Hi, Nelson & Thanks ...

You have proved me right!

Well done!

How can we prove you wrong if you can't prove you're right? It seems
quite unrealistic that you can rule out all of the good jokes and
consider them "old". Maybe tommorow or in a week you'd hear a good
joke, but how would you tell if it's new or old? Or even if it's
funny? It may or may not be funny to you, but it may be funny to one
of the other 6 billion people.

I blame it on the 'free trade' agreements.  Jokes are no longer
manufactured in one location or even country.  Joke componets are now
being farmed out to a wide variety of countries where cultural
barriers are creating...

...main story line from Lithuania...punch-lines still in shipping
containers off the coast of the UK...pratt falls from Mexico and Hong
Kong just had a recall of thousands of one-liners.

Detroit joke lines shut down due to strike demands...

Non-union jokes under seige in Las Vegas...

Dogmatic absolutist jokes attack Mideast nation...

Ban on assult jokes allowed to expire by Congress...

Joke number 1 got boost from joker convention...

Joke number 2 falling in polls...

Joke number three running as a spoiler...

Questionable touch-screen joke rating machines are...

...

...

...

It hain't funny no more.

Sober as a judge

Digs

Well... let me be the first to add a real "corny" joke :)

"I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows
to make sure my Labrador Retriever had fresh air. She was stretched
out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon her that she must
remain there.
I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and
saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay! Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, perhaps noting that I am a blonde, gave me
a strange look and said. "Why don't you just put it in park?"


Steph53

Great one, Steph!

What was your answer to that?

George W. Bush, Jacques Chirac and Gerhard Schröder share an airplane
for their visit at H.M. the Queen. Due to bad weather conditions, the
plane lands in Heathrow with 15 minutes delay. So after the three
statesmen left the plane and greet the Queen, they apologize one after
the other:
Jacques Chirac: "I am very sorry, I'm late."
Gerhard Schröder: "Me too."
George W. Bush: "Me three."

Though there does appear to be a dearth of mirth affecting the planet,
and this is serious when you consider that levity is the opposite of
gravity, resulting in many people weighing more than they used to,
I was able to locate this story, which, if it weren't true, might
take a few ounces off the scale:


While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Colin and his
wife listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that 
husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."

He then addressed the men, "Can you describe your wife's favourite
flower?"

Colin leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered,
"Self-raising, isn't it?"

Colin is due to be released from hospital in a few weeks.

http://www.mytown.co.nz/story/mytstorydisplay.cfm?thecity=hawkesbay&thepage=news&storyID=3589973&type=nzh

Bryan --

Lacking a proof for whether there's any new humor or not, I thought
that I'd pass along a source or two.

A guy by the name of Randy Cassingham runs an Internet newsletter
titled "Thisistrue".  Well, actually he runs a couple of newsletters
but that one has the largest circulation.  It's a compilation of funny
news stories about dumb things people do.  A few months ago he decided
to put up another site that adds a joke every day from his EXISTING
collection, which is huge.  They're pretty good:
http://www.jumbojoke.com/

Being in the U.K. you probably miss American late night talk shows. 
It's raucous American humor, not dry British humor:
David Letterman (known for his Top 10 lists):
http://www.cbs.com/latenight/lateshow/#

Jay Leno (known for the monologues):
http://www.nbc.com/The_Tonight_Show_with_Jay_Leno/index.shtml

Jon Stewart (more politically-oriented):
http://www.comedycentral.com/tv_shows/thedailyshowwithjonstewart/

And finally, my favorite cartoon site, with cartoons and covers from
The New Yorker magazine:
http://www.cartoonbank.com/

The Good Humor man,

Omnivorous-GA

My poor sister, who was born without the ability to tell a joke
properly without messing up the punch line, has been hoarding jokes.
She collects them in a 5-gallon jar in her kitchen. Since she only
saves rather small one-liners, she has amassed millions and millions
of jokes, which explains the worldwide shortage. Every now and then
one of the pitiful caged things flies out, only to be snatched up by
David Letterman, Drew Carey, or the Bush twins. It is all very sad,
except during the moment of the escape, when it becomes briefly very
funny.

When the jar is full, my sister hopes to buy a sense of humor. 

I will gratefully accept contributions in her behalf.

Knock Knock

Who's There?

GA

GA Who

G Ain't Probono asked too many "Unanswerable Questions"!

Bowler...............

That is hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!! Harharhar :) :) :)

Bryan....

That wasn't really me in the "blonde joke"...heheheh...why do you think it was eh?

Steph53

Daisy and I are very pleased to announce a major new research project,
commissioned from a world famous archeologist:

http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=401121

http://www.blinne.org/blog/2003/09/dave_barry_on_h.html

Q. Why did Dubya wear a bandana?
A. He?d just had a circumcision.

In his 1956 short story "Jokester," Isaac Asimov, through a character
named Noel Meyerhof, asks Multivac (if you read Asmimov, you know who
Multivac is) the exact same question.  It is hypothesized that jokes
and humor are of extraterrestrial origin and that jokes aren't funny
anymore because the aliens, who introduced humor as part of a means to
study humans, had concluded their experimentation.

There you go: the aliens are done with us.

Some GREAT Comments, Very Many Thanks.

Now, let's have a race to see which Researcher is going to hit the
Answer Button First ... There are 5 Contenders .... Will it be:

Digs? (Probably still eating)
Scripty? (Probably watching Pippin again)
Subby? (Probably untangling his beard)
Omni? (Probably flying high)
Pinky? (Probably feeding a cat)

On your marks .... 

The Race starts NOW!

Bryan,

Thanks muchly for the generous tip and the five stars for my crown!
The woman holding the kitty is a volunteer in the pet rescue
organization, and is not my sister. Sis is a tall gal who looks like a
brunette version of Helen Hunt. Wish I'd gotten some tall brunette
genes, but when I was in the oven they apparently weren't ready yet.

~Pink

coming up the rear here two days before the election:

Q. What is the difference between the Viet Nam war and the war in Iraq?

A. George Bush had a plan to get out of the Viet Nam war . . ..


har... har...har...

John Kerry participated in a debate with Ralph Nader last week. Both
sides of all the issues were thoroughly discussed, defended, and
rebutted.

Then Nader spoke.

Ha!  Good one, Pink!

tooshay, as they say . . . and the puzzling mystery of your unwavering
dislike of JFK continues . . .


by the way, the Packers just beat the Redskins 28-14
<http://www.snopes.com/sports/football/election.asp>