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Q: Are there spelling or grammer errors in this paper? ( Answered 5 out of 5 stars,   2 Comments )
Question  
Subject: Are there spelling or grammer errors in this paper?
Category: Miscellaneous
Asked by: jackdurden-ga
List Price: $3.00
Posted: 15 Sep 2004 09:52 PDT
Expires: 15 Oct 2004 09:52 PDT
Question ID: 401563
Are there spelling or grammer errors in this paper?
http://xboxtorrents.tripod.com/party2.doc

Feel free to add anything you want to it...please just hurry.

Need a corrected paper in less then 1 hour.

Clarification of Question by jackdurden-ga on 15 Sep 2004 09:56 PDT
I will also tip whoever answers

Clarification of Question by jackdurden-ga on 15 Sep 2004 10:05 PDT
Sorry link is:
http://xboxtorrents.tripod.com/party2.htm

You can paste it in the answer when corrected.

Clarification of Question by jackdurden-ga on 15 Sep 2004 10:06 PDT
Here is the text:



The Party
	The house is full of excitement as the weekend party is in full
swing. The place is packed; the driveway and the entire street are
lined up with cars. You can hear the sounds of people opening and
slamming their doors shut, engines starting and shutting down, and
people walking to the house, while others are out by their cars
talking As I knock on the door, I can feel the vibrating from the base
that?s coming from inside the house. When the door opens the techno
music flows to my ears and I know it?s going to be a goodnight.  Sara
(the host) invites me in and gives me a quick tour of her house. She
leads me through a smoky hallway leading to the source of the smoke;
the kitchen, where some people are munching on pizza, smoking,
talking, and playing games. The kitchen table is full of cards and
poker chips and the only thing missing at the table are their poker
faces, as someone laughs whenever they have a good hand. Near the
table is a desk with a computer stereo that RJ (who happens to be a
DJ) is entertaining a group of people, by rapping to the free-style
music that?s playing, and as I leave the room, I can still hear the
people that are gathered around him shouting: ?hell yea?, ?that?s
awesome?, ?you have to hear this.? The living room is jumping with
activity, the lights are dim and a 60?s ballroom light is hanging from
the ceiling flashing colors of red, blue, yellow, green and white
light all over the room. Like most of the house this room is full of
people, some are dancing and others are laughing on the couch at the
guy doing the robot dance in the center. The last room I visit, before
Sara has to go open the door, is the inside pool that is occupied by a
bunch of fully dress and half-naked people who are tossing a beach
ball back and forth and diving into the pool. Everyone at the party
seemed to be having a good time because most of them stayed until
3:00am when the host decided to call it a night. I?m glad I went to
the party, it was fun, exciting and I am looking forward to the next
time Sara hosts a party.
Answer  
Subject: Re: Are there spelling or grammer errors in this paper?
Answered By: bobcooper-ga on 15 Sep 2004 10:41 PDT
Rated:5 out of 5 stars
 
Dear jackdurden-ga,

I made 11 corrections--they are in the rewrite below.  I can detail
them in a comment, if you'd like--but I know you have a deadline.  The
sentence with "smoky hallway" could be rewritten--I did not correct it
below--one suggestion is:

She leads me through a smoky hallway to the kitchen; where some people
are munching on pizza, smoking, talking, and playing games.

You had smoky, smoke, and smoking all in one sentence--I took one out.
 I think the sentence you wrote is grammatically correct--but could be
better.


The Party

	The house is full of excitement as the weekend party is in full
swing. The place is packed; the driveway and the entire street are
lined up with cars. You can hear the sounds of people opening and
slamming their doors shut, engines starting and shutting down, and
people walking to the house, while others are out by their cars
talking. As I knock on the door, I can feel the vibrating from the base
that?s coming from inside the house. When the door opens the techno
music flows to my ears and I know it?s going to be a good night.  Sara
(the host) invites me in and gives me a quick tour of her house. She
leads me through a smoky hallway leading to the source of the smoke;
the kitchen, where some people are munching on pizza, smoking,
talking, and playing games. The kitchen table is full of cards and
poker chips and the only things missing at the table are their poker
faces, as someone laughs whenever they have a good hand. Near the
table is a desk with a computer stereo where RJ (who happens to be a
DJ) is entertaining a group of people by rapping to the free-style
music that?s playing and, as I leave the room, I can still hear the
people that are gathered around him shouting: ?hell yea?, ?that?s
awesome?, ?you have to hear this.? The living room is jumping with
activity, the lights are dim and a 60?s ballroom light is hanging from
the ceiling, flashing colors of red, blue, yellow, green and white
light all over the room. Like most of the house, this room is full of
people; some are dancing and others are laughing on the couch at the
guy doing the robot dance in the center. The last room I visit, before
Sara has to go open the door, is the inside pool that is occupied by a
bunch of fully dressed and half-naked people who are tossing a beach
ball back and forth and diving into the pool. Everyone at the party
seemed to be having a good time because most of them stayed until
3:00am when the host decided to call it a night. I?m glad I went to
the party.  It was fun and exciting and I am looking forward to the next
time Sara hosts a party.


I hope this helps.  Let me know if you want the 11 corrections listed.

bobcooper-ga
jackdurden-ga rated this answer:5 out of 5 stars
Thanks

Comments  
Subject: Re: Are there spelling or grammer errors in this paper?
From: bobcooper-ga on 15 Sep 2004 10:56 PDT
 
Several additional changes--here is the complete rewrite:

The Party

	The house is full of excitement as the weekend party is in full
swing. The place is packed; the driveway and the entire street are
lined up with cars. You can hear the sounds of people opening and
slamming their doors shut, engines starting and shutting down, and
people walking to the house, while others are out by their cars
talking. As I knock on the door, I can feel the vibrating from the bass
that?s coming from inside the house. When the door opens, the techno
music flows to my ears and I know it?s going to be a good night.  Sara,
(the host), invites me in and gives me a quick tour of her house. She
leads me through a smoky hallway leading to the source of the smoke;
the kitchen, where some people are munching on pizza, smoking,
talking, and playing games. The kitchen table is full of cards and
poker chips and the only things missing at the table are their poker
faces, as someone laughs whenever they have a good hand. Near the
table is a desk with a computer stereo where RJ (who happens to be a
DJ) is entertaining a group of people by rapping to the free-style
music that?s playing and, as I leave the room, I can still hear the
people that are gathered around him shouting, ?hell yea?, ?that?s
awesome?, ?you have to hear this.? The living room is jumping with
activity, the lights are dim and a 60?s ballroom light is hanging from
the ceiling, flashing colors of red, blue, yellow, green and white
light all over the room. Like most of the house, this room is full of
people; some are dancing and others are laughing on the couch at the
guy doing the robot dance in the center. The last room I visit, before
Sara has to go open the door, is the inside pool that is occupied by a
bunch of fully dressed and half-naked people who are tossing a beach
ball back and forth and diving into the pool. Everyone at the party
seems to be having a good time because most of them stay until
3:00am when the host decides to call it a night. I?m glad I went to
the party.  It was fun and exciting and I am looking forward to the next
time Sara hosts a party.
Subject: Re: Are there spelling or grammer errors in this paper?
From: bobcooper-ga on 15 Sep 2004 10:58 PDT
 
Like most of the house, this room is full of people; some are dancing
and others are laughing on the couch at the guy doing the robot dance
in the center.

I would make this 2 sentences with a period after people.

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