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Subject:
Are there spelling or grammer errors in this paper?
Category: Miscellaneous Asked by: jackdurden-ga List Price: $3.00 |
Posted:
15 Sep 2004 09:52 PDT
Expires: 15 Oct 2004 09:52 PDT Question ID: 401563 |
Are there spelling or grammer errors in this paper? http://xboxtorrents.tripod.com/party2.doc Feel free to add anything you want to it...please just hurry. Need a corrected paper in less then 1 hour. | |
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Subject:
Re: Are there spelling or grammer errors in this paper?
Answered By: bobcooper-ga on 15 Sep 2004 10:41 PDT Rated: |
Dear jackdurden-ga, I made 11 corrections--they are in the rewrite below. I can detail them in a comment, if you'd like--but I know you have a deadline. The sentence with "smoky hallway" could be rewritten--I did not correct it below--one suggestion is: She leads me through a smoky hallway to the kitchen; where some people are munching on pizza, smoking, talking, and playing games. You had smoky, smoke, and smoking all in one sentence--I took one out. I think the sentence you wrote is grammatically correct--but could be better. The Party The house is full of excitement as the weekend party is in full swing. The place is packed; the driveway and the entire street are lined up with cars. You can hear the sounds of people opening and slamming their doors shut, engines starting and shutting down, and people walking to the house, while others are out by their cars talking. As I knock on the door, I can feel the vibrating from the base that?s coming from inside the house. When the door opens the techno music flows to my ears and I know it?s going to be a good night. Sara (the host) invites me in and gives me a quick tour of her house. She leads me through a smoky hallway leading to the source of the smoke; the kitchen, where some people are munching on pizza, smoking, talking, and playing games. The kitchen table is full of cards and poker chips and the only things missing at the table are their poker faces, as someone laughs whenever they have a good hand. Near the table is a desk with a computer stereo where RJ (who happens to be a DJ) is entertaining a group of people by rapping to the free-style music that?s playing and, as I leave the room, I can still hear the people that are gathered around him shouting: ?hell yea?, ?that?s awesome?, ?you have to hear this.? The living room is jumping with activity, the lights are dim and a 60?s ballroom light is hanging from the ceiling, flashing colors of red, blue, yellow, green and white light all over the room. Like most of the house, this room is full of people; some are dancing and others are laughing on the couch at the guy doing the robot dance in the center. The last room I visit, before Sara has to go open the door, is the inside pool that is occupied by a bunch of fully dressed and half-naked people who are tossing a beach ball back and forth and diving into the pool. Everyone at the party seemed to be having a good time because most of them stayed until 3:00am when the host decided to call it a night. I?m glad I went to the party. It was fun and exciting and I am looking forward to the next time Sara hosts a party. I hope this helps. Let me know if you want the 11 corrections listed. bobcooper-ga |
jackdurden-ga
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Subject:
Re: Are there spelling or grammer errors in this paper?
From: bobcooper-ga on 15 Sep 2004 10:56 PDT |
Several additional changes--here is the complete rewrite: The Party The house is full of excitement as the weekend party is in full swing. The place is packed; the driveway and the entire street are lined up with cars. You can hear the sounds of people opening and slamming their doors shut, engines starting and shutting down, and people walking to the house, while others are out by their cars talking. As I knock on the door, I can feel the vibrating from the bass that?s coming from inside the house. When the door opens, the techno music flows to my ears and I know it?s going to be a good night. Sara, (the host), invites me in and gives me a quick tour of her house. She leads me through a smoky hallway leading to the source of the smoke; the kitchen, where some people are munching on pizza, smoking, talking, and playing games. The kitchen table is full of cards and poker chips and the only things missing at the table are their poker faces, as someone laughs whenever they have a good hand. Near the table is a desk with a computer stereo where RJ (who happens to be a DJ) is entertaining a group of people by rapping to the free-style music that?s playing and, as I leave the room, I can still hear the people that are gathered around him shouting, ?hell yea?, ?that?s awesome?, ?you have to hear this.? The living room is jumping with activity, the lights are dim and a 60?s ballroom light is hanging from the ceiling, flashing colors of red, blue, yellow, green and white light all over the room. Like most of the house, this room is full of people; some are dancing and others are laughing on the couch at the guy doing the robot dance in the center. The last room I visit, before Sara has to go open the door, is the inside pool that is occupied by a bunch of fully dressed and half-naked people who are tossing a beach ball back and forth and diving into the pool. Everyone at the party seems to be having a good time because most of them stay until 3:00am when the host decides to call it a night. I?m glad I went to the party. It was fun and exciting and I am looking forward to the next time Sara hosts a party. |
Subject:
Re: Are there spelling or grammer errors in this paper?
From: bobcooper-ga on 15 Sep 2004 10:58 PDT |
Like most of the house, this room is full of people; some are dancing and others are laughing on the couch at the guy doing the robot dance in the center. I would make this 2 sentences with a period after people. |
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