Hi Jack,
With your tight deadline, there?s no time to do much in the way of
stylistic editing, but as you asked, here?s your document redone with
corrections in grammar, spelling and word form. I?ve also corrected a
few awkward usages and some construction, as well as changed the verb
form in the last paragraph from past to present tense in order to
agree with the present tense of the rest of the piece, but that?s a
stylistic preference, not a critical correction. You can certainly
change it back to past if you prefer it that way. If you don?t
understand any other corrections, please do use the ?Request
Clarification? feature to ask for clarification if necessary before
rating and closing your question. Glad you had such a good time at
the party - I bet Sara will be happy to hear it too! :-)
Best regards,
Byrd-ga
The Party
The house is full of excitement as the weekend party is in full swing.
The place is packed. The driveway and the entire street are lined with
cars. You can hear the sounds of people opening and slamming their
doors shut, engines starting and shutting down, people walking to the
house, and others talking out by their cars.
As I knock on the door, I can feel the vibration from the bass inside.
When the door opens, the techno music flows out to my ears and I know
it?s going to be a good night. Sara, the hostess, invites me in and
gives me a quick tour of her house. She leads me through a smoky
hallway to the source of the smoke, the kitchen, where some people are
munching on pizza, smoking, talking, and playing games.
The kitchen table is full of cards and poker chips and the only thing
missing are the poker faces, as everyone laughs whenever he has a good
hand. Near the table is a desk with a computer stereo, where RJ, who
happens to be a DJ, is entertaining a group of people by rapping to
the free-style music that?s playing. As I leave the room, I can still
hear the people gathered around him shouting, ?Hell yeah,? ?That?s
awesome,? and ?You have to hear this.?
The living room too is jumping with activity. The lights are dim and a
60?s style ballroom light is hanging from the ceiling, flashing colors
of red, blue, yellow, green and white all over the room. Like most of
the house, this room is also full of people. Some are dancing, and
others are on the couch, laughing at the guy doing the robot dance in
the center.
The last room I visit, before Sara has to go open the door, is the
inside pool, occupied by a bunch of fully dressed and half-naked
people tossing a beach ball back and forth and diving into the pool.
Everyone at the party seems to be having a good time because most of
them stay until 3:00 am when the hostess decides to call it a night.
I?m glad I came to the party. It?s fun, exciting, and I am looking
forward to the next time Sara hosts a party. |
Clarification of Answer by
byrd-ga
on
15 Sep 2004 11:55 PDT
Hi Jack,
To answer your specific request for clarification on the corrections provided:
1) No, the first is not correct. When you use the word ?someone,? you
are making reference to one person. In grammatical terms, ?someone? is
the antecedent; ?they? is the pronoun that refers to it. The pronoun
and the antecedent must always agree. In this case, to refer to that
one person by the plural pronoun ?they? is incorrect. I know this is
very common in everyday usage, but that doesn?t make it correct.
In English, the correct pronoun for referring to one person, whether
male or female, is ?he.? Now, changing the original word to from
"someone" to ?everyone? does imply more than one person at the table
laughing, but because the word still says ?one,? it still requires a
singular pronoun, i.e. ?he.?
Another option would be to say ?he or she,? which is sometimes done in
an effort to be politically correct, but is usually awkward and not a
particularly good use of English. Consider how cumbersome it sounds to
say, ?... he or she laughs whenever he or she has a good hand.? The
only other correct choice in this case would be to say ?they all laugh
whenever they have a good hand.? But no, you can?t combine either
?someone? or ?everyone? with ?they? and be correct.
See this page: http://www.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/pronouns.htm for a
little more explanation on this subject.
2) Yes, these balls are known as ?mirror balls? or ?disco balls.? See
this page: http://www.nationalproducts.com/disco.htm
As to the further expansion of your question, you have asked twelve
additional questions, and included a request for original writing.
Even with a promise of five-dollar tip, this would really require more
time and effort than would normally be associated with this price.
Please see the Google pricing guidelines here:
http://answers.google.com/answers/pricing.html
Therefore, since your original question, as asked, has been answered
and you can no longer raise its price, I do agree it would probably be
best for you to open a new question or questions, priced appropriately
for the level of work you're expecting. Also, do be sure you fully
explain your expectations so the Researcher will know exactly what
you're hoping to receive.
Again, should you need clarification on the original answer, please do
ask again, as I'm happy to help you understand the whys and hows of
it.
Cheers,
Byrd-ga
|
,
0 Comments
)