My husband and I are going thru a divorce in Illinois.  I initially
filed the petition (Nov. 2002) for divorce seeking joint custody of
our children (4 children -- 1 grown, 3 at home). My case was dismissed
(around April/May 2003), and my husband then filed a petition for
divorce.  He stated in the petition that he believed I would abandon
my children so he was seeking sole custody of them.  Throughout our
marriage, I was (and I am) the primary caretaker of our children, and
I am a good mom.  I have never given my husband any reason or shown
him in any way that I would abandon my children -- there are no
grounds or proof that I would abandon my children.  My husband knows
that I am a good mom and he knows that I would always be there (home)
with them or taking care of them.  I am a home body and very family
oriented.  We have been separated since Nov. 2002 and the children
live with me.  My husband is not paying any child support and he
rarely ever sees the children.  He is currently living out of town and
has been since about May of this year.  So basically he sees the kids
every other weekend (and he frequently misses some of the weekends). 
All in all he rarely every sees the children and it was the same
situation before he moved out of town (the move was due to his current
job).  He lost his "old" job last year (towards the end of the year)
and he still kept to the every other weekend deal with respect to
seeing the children and he missed some of the weekends still.  So,
basically my husband has made a false statement regarding me and I
want to know if I can sue him and his atty for defamation of
character.  Should the atty put such allegations in the petition if
there are not any proofs or basis for same?

Also, in my response to his petition I did not mention his
inappropriate marital conduct.  I truly believe that my husband had
affairs with other woman, and I know that he was womanizing, flirting
and spending time with other woman and bringing them around to family
events.  He recently told me that even though he was with other woman
he always came home to me.  Is it too late to mention or modify the
response to the petition to include "inappropriate marital conduct" or
adultery on his part?

Please help - have an atty but they are not doing anything for me (but
running up the bill) and I can't afford to get another one at this
time.

The laws on such a situation will defer by city and state. So i can't
tell you if you could sue. What i can say is that if you have proof
that he dosen't visit often, do to his lack of trying. That will give
you a advantage in the court room. Does your older child know about
everything can he/she vouch for what is going on? Your best bet is to
obtain a lawyer. Some even have payment plans. From your point of view
you are there soul caregivers so unless you do drugs, drink or stay
out all of the time then you should have a good case against him.

There is a good Illinois case at
http://www.state.il.us/court/Opinions/AppellateCourt/2000/3rdDistrict/May/HTML/3990623.htm
that discusses the "judicial immunity" rule.  That rule basically
states that statements made in the course of a judicial proceeding
(like the allegations in your husband's petition) are privileged under
defamation law and you cannot sue him or his attorney.  you should
consult with an Illinois lawyer to confirm this, but I think such a
lawsuit, based on the allegations in the petition, would likely not
succeed.  This is true even if the allegations are false.

As to alleging infidelity, although you would also be immune from a
defamation action if those allegations turned out not to be true, it
is unwise as a general matter to plead items unless you have a good
faith factual basis for making the allegation.  I know, I know, he
said you were a bad mom and that's not based on good faith facts, but
you want to play ethically and only allege matters supported by fact
or you end up looking bad in front of the judge.  The problem is is
that most lawyers throw in every conceivable allegation hoping
something will stick, but that?s not the ethically correct way to play
it, IMHO.

If you have good evince to support your claims of infidelity, then
yes, you should be able to go back and amend your petition at any time
before the final adjudication of the matter.

Forget suing anybody. It really isn't a good idea, lawyers are very
expensive and they always win whether or not you lose.

Try to come to some understanding with your husband with regard to the
custody of the children and then get your agreement endorsed by the
court.

A friend of mine went through long drawn out divorce proceedings with
lawyers' bills bleeding both parties to death. Then he said to her,
'Let's talk' ... and an hour later they were sorted.

You can always sue.

You may not win.

Owain

Chelp, since you're a new questioner, you may not be aware of how to
tell researchers from others who post comments.  GA researchers' names
appear in blue, underlined, as hot links.  I notice that none of the
responses received to your question so far have come from researchers.

Archae0pteryx
(not a researcehr)

Hi, Chelp

Regardless of the fact that those who have so far commented on your
question are not official researchers, they have - in my opinion -
given you some very good advice for free, which is the whole idea of
the Comment facility.

It is quite possible that an official researcher will provide you with
an answer, which will appear in the Answer Box. Or just provide you
with a Comment.

However, many questions never get answered. Indeed, there are
typically more unanswered questions than answered ones.

Consequently, comments from people like me (and those who have
previously commented) might be all you ever get.

Regardless of the source, Answers or Comments are not intended as a
substitute for professional advice but they may help you to sort the
issues out in your own mind, which I am sure was what the intention of
those who have left comments for you.

I hope this helps and I hope that you resolve the problem which gave
rise to your question.

My Very Best Wishes

Mike