Dear Mut,
First of all, Muta'h marriage is only acceptable for Shiites. If you
are not a Shiite Muslim, Muta'h marriage is unacceptable and sometimes
even prohibited (Haram) in Sunni Islam.
As a woman, I am not sure how Muta'h marriage would benefit you.
Muta'h marriage enables one to marry a woman for a temporary period.
Originally, it was meant to be used in dire times of war. However,
today it is used in order to have an extra-maritial affair, or even
maintain a prostitute without having a long term commitment: Muta'h
marriage are limited in time, and you'll end up separated from the man
(as in a case of a divorcee).
In any case, even if you do marry him as his second wife, through
Muta'h marriage, it will be not recognised legally in your country,
which probably means that he has no commitment towards you once the
marriage is over (and as I explained, Muta'h marriages are limited by
definition). Moreover, in most countries, polygamy (marrying more than
one woman) is prohibited practice. That means, that your husband and
you will be violating the law in your country, not mentioning the fact
that an Imam or Sheikh that would preform the ceremony would be also
violating the law.
See more:
Comparative Index to Islam
<http://answering-islam.org.uk/Index/M/muta.html>
I hope this answers your question. Please contact me if you need any
clarification on this answer. |
Request for Answer Clarification by
mut-ga
on
30 Sep 2004 18:48 PDT
thanks for your answer, but I want some more clarifications, that we
have affair efore his merriage but we were separated for few years and
y this time he got married, but when we met again we cann't hold us in
control, and then to do sin is better to do Mutah Merriage, and so we
did, now we found that this is band and we do not do any phisical
relationship from then. we both are pious and we pray for our
forgiveness to allah, if we did any wrong. moreover we did not mention
any time limitation, so i think its set for long life and we did it
alone, ther was no one. Therefore now i want are we now husband and
wife? or we will sit for towba and keep distance from each other?
please clear my answer.
|
Clarification of Answer by
politicalguru-ga
on
01 Oct 2004 03:21 PDT
Dear Mut,
As I asid, and as the commentator said (although they added sites I
wouldn't have added, since they are religiously biased), Muta'h :
(1) Must be limited in time (your intentions are not so, so Muta'h is
not for you);
(2) Is totally unacceptable by Sunni (and although you haven't asid
so, it seems from your answer that you are).
If you did a marriage, but without mentioning a time limit - this is
no Muta'h. You might be married, but not in a Muta'h but in a
"regular" marriage (Nikah), as his second wife. This might be illegal
in your country; but as for Islamic law, you deserve every status of a
wife, if other requirements of the marriage also held (that, you must
check with an Imam). However, don't be too happy: without witnesses it
is not a Nikah, but actually fornication... I am not sure how much
knowledge he has, but if he has religious knowledge, he might have
misled you into believing your marriage is valid.
See
Is Secret Marriage Permissible
<http://www.islamicvoice.com/september.97/ourd.htm#SEC>
I recommend to you, as a religious person, to consult with a scholar.
If you are too embarrassed to talk with someone face-to-face in your
community, maybe you should consider these sites:
Ask an Imam online
<http://www.islam.tc/ask-imam/index.php>
As an Imam a Question
<http://www.4islam.com/imam.shtml>
Islamica Web
<http://www.islamicaweb.com/forums/showthread.php?t=21475>
Get an advice fom women's sites:
Islam for Today - women section
<http://www.islamfortoday.com/women.htm>
Azizah
<http://www.azizahmagazine.com/>
Lingering illicit relationship
<http://www.sunnipath.com/resources/Questions/qa00002847.aspx>
I committed zina ... What should I do?
<http://www.sunnipath.com/resources/Questions/qa00001745.aspx>
I'm afraid that you'll get similar answers, though. However, consider that:
- If he loves you so much, and you're so badly attracted to each
other, why wouldn't he propose to marry you as his second wife, or to
divorce his first wife and marry you instead? Both things are
permissible in Islam, and the second is also legal under the laws of
your country. It seems to me, that he wants "to eat the cake and have
it", not to be involved in a divorce or in a real commitment to you,
but also to have you.
You love him, so it is difficult for you to hear such remarks, but
having an affair with a married man, who wouldn't divorce for you, is
devastating for any woman - Muslim or non-Muslim alike. However, for a
Muslim woman, who wants to be part of a religious community, this
could be even worse - by the reactions of people, and by her own
consciousness. You know that what you're doing right now is a sin, and
so is getting even more involved in this affair.
|
Request for Answer Clarification by
mut-ga
on
01 Oct 2004 17:01 PDT
I beleive him as my husband and whatever I did, I did that full faith
and this is too hard to me to realise that he is not my husband and I
did a sin (but if I did any sin I asked for forgiveness to Allah). Do
you know that how we first meet? that was I did some prayer to allah
to meet my pair and at the same time he did the istekhara and found my
contact address in his dream and call me and on the name of Allah I
accept him as my husband but there was few misunderstanding and we
separeted for a while and lastly when I did again the istekhara I
found him back but its may be late. He may not divorce that girl
because there is no fault of that girl to divorce her, but at this
country it is not permitted to get another merriage, so we found that
muta will be ok but one day later we found that it is foridden now
from the time of 2nd Khalifa. Then we did immediately towba and ask
for forgiveness to Allah, and we did not do anything and will not
until it solved. In his case he will live with his wife but it is
impossible for me to get marry to others. At this situation I am
helpness, as far I know a man can marry up to 4 but a girl only one
and I accept him as my husband in the name of Allah, now what shall I
do now?
|
Clarification of Answer by
politicalguru-ga
on
02 Oct 2004 01:53 PDT
As I said, you must talk with someone - preferably an Imam - about a
solution. However, the best solution, despite how painful it is, is to
leave him.
|
Request for Answer Clarification by
mut-ga
on
02 Oct 2004 10:52 PDT
I know that you give me the right suggetion, but really it is too hard
to me to accept, but in the name of Allah I will not commit anything
wrong with him inshallah. But is it possible if we get regular marry
in islamic way in a mosque and he can live both of us (me and his that
wife) in differnt places. Because I will never get merry to other man
in my live, as I don't want to cheat anyone. Isn't it good for me to
do get marry him rather than to live alone in rest of my life?
|
Clarification of Answer by
politicalguru-ga
on
02 Oct 2004 14:35 PDT
Mut -
Theoretically yes. But practically, Islam does not look favouraly at
that situation. You erally must talk with a scholar in your local
mosque.
|
Request for Answer Clarification by
mut-ga
on
06 Oct 2004 23:01 PDT
Actually he proposed me and said if I came over this country he will
marry me, but when I came he said thet he got married for 2-3 months
before and his wife will be come his place on next week, I thought he
was making me fool, but after a week he bring his wife and then I feel
lonely and frustrated. Then he proposed me to get mutah' merriage and
we did but later he told me that he spoke with a religious person and
he said that mutah' is now forbidden. So we don't obey that
relationship. I can not back to my country because I am now enroll in
an university and my family don't know much of this matter, they want
that I should complete my study and then I will back. At this time
what will I do?
|
Clarification of Answer by
politicalguru-ga
on
07 Oct 2004 04:45 PDT
Cut all connections with him. What kind of person lures a young woman
away from her family, tells her that he'll marry her, marries another
and then proposes Muta'h?
If you study at a university, there is also students advisors
(psychological). Naturally, they would probably not be Muslims, but it
might be a good idea to talk with someone who has no opinions on it
from the religious point of view and could help you as a person (and
also doesn't know you).
mrknowitallishere is right about his own advices.
|
Dear Mut.
I have read your comments, and the first thing which comes to my mind
after reading them is that
1) You want the answer to be TAILORED for your LIKING.
2) You are still confused if you commited a sin or not
3) You donot know what Tauba is
4) You still want to marry this person.
I would address each of these issues individually:
Firstly, I must remind you, TRUTH IS BITTER. You cannot "tailor" the
answer to your need. For example... Last night I dreamt about having
sex with Pamela Andreson. I even saw her doin it at her own home.
Does that mean... I can get a LEGAL ISLAMIC "fatwa" that I got the
right to marry and have sex with Pamela??? Does that mean Pamela is my
wife now?
Pragmatically speaking.. dreams donot change facts. Even if you saw
the person in your dream and he saw your face in his dream, does not
mean that he starts cheating on his family.
Let me put it this way. Imagine yourself to be in place of the wife
(of your lover) for a minute. What would you do if your husband told
you that he had slept with an old lover after getting her address in
his dream and then performing Muta marriage and now she loves him
also. Would you... read carefully... WOULD YOU GIVE YOUR HUSBAND THE
GREEN SIGNAL?? would you say? oh sure bring that wonderful lady to our
house too,, I wana meet her!???? Or would u slap him and scream at the
top of your lungs?
Secondly, That guy has a family. He has a wife and a family to look
after. You cannot just hop in someone's life (just because u saw him
in ur dream) and claim that he is your husband too!
Thridly, I ask you... As you mentioned that you Had commited
promiscuous sex (zina) with the guy, What are you going to tell your
child? Whom would he call "daddy"? WHat would you tell your parents
and society? Where is your husabnd? A husband who was a husband for
say 30 minutes? What effects would that have on your life and future?
Think about it. Do you deserve this kind of mental torture?
You also want to just keep in touch with him and not have sex. If you
are really that pure in your intentions, Why dont u personally meet
his wife and tell him about the whole scenerio, and reqeust her to let
her husband meet you, after your assurance that you both will not have
sex again.
Finally... Regarding Tauba. There are several conditions which have to
be satisfied before you can perform the "true" tauba. Namely:
1) Stop the Sin
2) Move away from the sin (or sinner)
3) Make a 100% promise (with Allah) NEVER to do that SIN again
4) You should not have even 0.0001% INTENTION to do the SIN again in the future
5) IF the sin "happens", you would have to do "tauba" again, BUT be
assured, JUMPING in the swerage and falling into the sewerage are two
totally different thigns. Here I am talking about "falling" into the
sewerage, rather than jumping in, with the intention of getting clean
later (by tauba).
I hope this was a satisfactory answer. Oh ya, with regards to the
solution being "too tough", I have a very good remidy.
ALl you have to do is ABUSE the guy (YA I MEAN ABBUSE!) as much as you
can (AND DO IT IN THE NAME OF ALLAH, because you DONOT HAVE THE
INTENTION TO HURT HIM, YOU ONLY INTEND TO PROTECT YOURSELF and HIM
from A BIGGER SIN). Get him REAL ANGRY... so angry that he wishes
never ever to see you again. This is a small but very effective
solution. Once you do that, the guy would not try to contact you, and
you would also have hestiation to contact him. This way, within a
short span of time, (God willing) you would forget about him
completely.
And then to substitute the guy for another, PLZ dont go for MUTA
again,, thatz synonymous with PROSTITUTUION in the current form, get a
HUSBAND! if you are shia.. go to shiamatch.com or some other shia
matrimonial site, and just meet your dream guy face to face (and marry
him this time... the real one)... IT's better, faster and most of
all.. easier... n it's not a sin!
Bye! |
