7 years ago, I got involved with a man via internet, 2000 miles away.
We had an exclusive, hot, all-consuming thing for 3 years with many
many trips and 2x daily calls + multiple daily emails. Ultimately, we
couldn't work out who would move(we both have kids and ex-spouses the
kids need to see, he had a big time NYC job). We broke up but stayed
in contact. I stayed in the West, started seeing someone new, but the
new guy wasn't into a serious or committed relationship. Later, NYC
guy lost his job but stayed out east, saying he had to be there for
his kids. Both of us tried to move on. Eventually, NYC guy, failing
to find work in NY, moved out west, but I was still involved with
Non-Committed guy more or less. Still, once NYC guy was nearby, I saw
him and he swore he loved me, asked me to marry him daily, pursued me
to the point of almost stalking. Slowly, I started to be drawn back
in... started to think I should go back to him. He found a job in a
nearby city, and we saw each other frequently. After a year of this,
I was about to agree to marry him (even though I still liked
Non-Committed Guy), and I believed totally that he was so into me that
I couldn't make a better choice. We spent a beautiful Xmas together.
I thought we were moving forward and getting closer, but... A week
later, on New Years, he told me he had been seeing someone else and
was going to "commit" to her. Meanwhile, he sent me love poems, love
letters, flowers and took me out to a beautiful dinner and a lovely
date, kept writing, kept saying I was his true love and that he only
said the thing about the other woman because he thought he "couldn't
have" me. Two days later, I pressed him hard on the issue of the
other woman, and wanted to know what was going on, and he stonewalled
totally. He said he wouldn't discuss his "personal life" with me, and
hung up on me. I called his family and a couple of his friends to ask
what the F was going on, but they all demurred and said I'd have to
ask him. After his family told him I'd called, he finally called me
back and admited: he had proposed to the other woman with a ring and
the whole 9 yards just two days after our last time together and a day
after he'd sent me love poems and letters. Turns out, he had bought a
house with this other woman a whole MONTH prior to all this (in the
nearby city), and was already moving in with her while he was
proposing to/dating/pursuing/sleeping with me. Backed into a corner,
he told his family that I was "nuts" and that he'd broken up with me
long ago. Made up some similar story for his fiance. They were married
a few months later. MY QUESTION IS: what the heck happened? Did I
cause all this? Why was he so harsh and savage to me just days after
swearing his undying love to me? Why the devil did he marry that
woman that he said he never loved? Are there any other thoughts,
insights, reactions or wisdom you can share with me? thanks! |
