I hear of LOTS of cat owners who yearn for a dog instead. 

Understandably so.

Now, I would like to provide a service to do a conversion job.

My spies at the Genetic Engineering Labs tell me that this is their
priority project that is seen as the next big money spinner worldwide
and they wouldn't lie to me, would they?

However, in order to get a foot in the door of this upcoming
opportunity, I would like to develop a Do-It-Yourself kit that could
be sold through Amazon and ebay, etc.

It will consist of a fur coat, a set of dentures, a bark stimulator
and simulator, a rear-leg lifting mechanism, a name-changing service,
etc., etc.

One advantage at this stage is that the process is reversible. 'Or is
that really an advantage?' I ask myself.

The proposed name is Cat2Dog and I understand that there's a whole
herd of cats somewhere in Tulsa who might be available to test the
market.

Does any Researcher or Commentator have a cat that they would like to
use for experimental purposes?

Names like Pinkfreud, Steph53 spring to mind but my guess is that
theirs are just the domestic type. I would also like a few lions & tigers,
as well.

Many thanks!

---

Clarification of Question by probonopublico-ga on 13 Oct 2004 23:23 PDT

Great news!

Version 2 is now in Beta Test.

What does Version 2 do?

a) It fixes all the bugs, ticks and lice found in Version 1

b) It includes an Advanced Odour Dispenser (AOD) that allows an Owner
to control the odour that the owner desires the animal to project from
'I'm a Great Dane' down to 'Just an airbrained Chihuahua'.

c) The AOD also includes an advanced Sex Control System that allows
the owner to choose among 'Not Again?'; 'I've got a headache!'; 'But
we've already got 30 pups'; to 'OK ... so long as you don't keep me
awake'.

d) It provides a unique triple-mode Waste System: so the owner of a
Cattydog can choose from 'Walkies', 'Litter Box' and 'Foul my
Neighbour's Doorstep'. This is very useful for those who have
neighbours they hate.

Please note that NO SURGERY is required so all the problems
encountered by Dybeck are avoided by owners of the Cat2Dog!

Happy Conversions!

---

Clarification of Question by probonopublico-ga on 19 Oct 2004 09:22 PDT

It's a success!

Many thanks to all.

Now for further products!

probonopublico,
Advance warning: tasteless joke coming up.

How do you turn a cat into a dog?
Pour petrol over it, set it alight, and it will go woof.

argenta

Argenta

I love it!

Many thanks.

Probo

Revolting, Argenta and PB. 

Prefer olddays alchemy.

Hy Bryan,

Would you consider a joint venture? 

I have found much success with my trials on cryogenetic canine/feline conversion.

In reshaping the frozen dog to an animal of cat like features, a
distinctive "meeeeooooowwwww" can be heard as the circular saw carves
away the doggy bits.

Sauteed, crumbed, rotisserie .. a great winter meal .. oh .. you did
you mean owners as in "pet" owners?

Phil

OMG Bryan!

I just spewed my morning coffee all over me!!!

Now why on earth would anyone want to turn a *feline* into 
a *canine*????

I am owned by a very spoiled kitty who just loves to chase and harass
dogs.At this time, he is eagerly awaiting the arrival of a doggy guest
from abroad ;)

Pink, be aware of *visitors* coming to your door.... Have the guard
cat on duty at all times.

Steph53

Hi, Phil

Yes, I'd love to consider other ventures in due course but right now I
am OVERWHELMED with orders for the Conversion Kit.

Hi, Steph

Why? Well I've just come back from the vet (Daisy went for a checkup
in anticipation of her forthcoming rocket flight) and guess what?

The Waiting Room was FULL of women with cats!

All the women oogled Daisy, as they do ...

And all the cats looked as though they wished they could have a Conversion Fix.

So, without any Overhead or PowerPoint or any of the usual gizmos, I
launched into a presentation ...

Not only did I sell 50 kits bang, bang, bang but all my customers
screamed for the franchise opportunity.

In the middle of all this, the vet arrived and signed up for another
50 kits! (I'm now wondering should I call them 'pupa' rather than
'kits'?)

One of my customers, Rosemary, was over the moon. She had a cat called
Felix and she explained that she had always wanted a dog but this was 
not practical because she had a fulltime job. Now, she switch between
cat and dog whenever she wishes. Felix also seemed thrilled by the
promotion. Evidently, most cats are status conscious and want to get
on in life.

Another customer, Cruella, lived alone with her cat and she had always
yearned for a guard dog. She loved the bark simulator/stimulator. She
was quite sure that Albert (for such was his name) would now scare off
any intruders.

Angela, sadly, could not see very well and she welcomed the idea of
having a 'Seeing Eye'. It was now a job that could be entrusted to
Coco, who previously had just been a puss!

So it's a dream and franchise opportunities are still available for
both of you. Phil, New Zealand is now reserved for you and Steph you
can do Alaska. (Consider the husky team opportunity!).

Congratulations to you both!

I would like to advise everyone against offering their pets for this surgery.

I myself am a dog who has undergone similar surgery (I was born a Bengali Tiger)

However, I have found that since the operation I have lost much of my
independence - walkies now being my sole outlet for energetic pursuits
as opposed to roaming the savannah as I once did. I have also found
that I have been ostracised by many of my former tigery friends and
never really accepted in doggy culture. I find it difficult to fit in
around other dogs - much fewer of them wish to smell my bottom than I
had hoped.

I am currently on a veterinary waiting list to have the procedure
reversed, or perhaps to become a giraffe.

Did it in three easy stages:

C A T S
C O T S
D O T S
D O G S

probono: Does your conversion kit permit the newly revised creature
the use of the litter box, or is the traditional walk non-negotiable?
monroe22

Converting Cats into Dogs:

1. Sell the Cat
2. Buy the Dog

It works - I've checked.

"Another customer, Cruella, lived alone with her cat and she had always
yearned for a guard dog. She loved the bark simulator/stimulator. She
was quite sure that Albert (for such was his name) would now scare off
any intruders."

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm...................a guard dog named Albert eh?
Too cute ;)

Steph53

Those daffy gents from Monty Python's Flying Circus once did a skit
that had some ideas for a conversion in the other direction:

Man: Good morning, I'd like to buy a cat. 

Shopkeeper: Certainly, sir. I've got a lovely terrier. [indicates a
box on the counter]

Man: No, I want a cat, really. 

Shopkeeper: [taking box off counter and then putting it back on
counter as if it is a different box] Oh yeah, how about that?

Man: [looking in box] No, that's the terrier. 

Shopkeeper: Well, it's as near as dammit. 

Man: Well, what do you mean? I want a cat. 

Shopkeeper: Listen, tell you what. I'll file its legs down a bit, take
its snout out, stick a few wires through its cheeks. There you are, a
lovely pussy cat.

Man: It's not a proper cat. 

Shopkeeper: What do you mean? 

Man: Well, it wouldn't miaow. 

Shopkeeper: Well, it would howl a bit. 

http://www.humorlinks.com/python/sketches/APetShopSomewhereNearMeltonMowbray.htm

Lovely, Pink, Many thanks

Sometimes when I am in a place that provides a 'Baby Changing Room', I
have been known to enquire if I can change one of my daughters for a
boy.

So far, no luck!