First - I have never had a boyfriend or been in a serious relationship
and I am 24 years old.  In honest truth, I am an extremely attractive
female who gets a lot of attention.  I am smart, focused and a driven
individual - I stand out among a crowd.  I have had huge successes in
my life, but NOT when it comes to love.  I have had a lot of
opportunities to date great people, but the chemistry was not there -
or they did not feel the way I felt for them.  I really never met
anyone that I had strong feelings for.

Second - That person happened to come along this past September
(someone that I liked) - he is 30 years old.  He is not a heart -throb
in fact my friends and family question why I like him (after seeing
his picture), but he honestly has 80% of the things I want in someone.

Third - I was a virgin, and I dated him for three weeks.  I told him
that I was a virgin (which usually scares a lot of people away), but
he still liked me.  I lost my virginity (yes, only after three weeks)
to him.  Now I have say, that i was honestly ready to have sex.  I
just wanted to wait for someone I liked.  I should have waited
longer...but I was ready to have sex.  It also felt right - the
chemistry was there, his friends LOVED me, again, it felt right.

Fourth - He still called, and we still hung out.  However, he started
a job, and was calling less often.  He cancelled once on a date- due
to work.  I felt as if I was doing most of the work - calling more,
and trying to make plans.  He always did things with me when I wanted
to hang out, but again, I felt as if I was doing most of the work.

Fifth - November (3 months) - I had enough and called him to explain
that I felt we were on two different pages because I was starting to
fall for him (I didn't say that of course), but I did not feel that it
was being reciprocated.  We were mostly hanging out with his friends,
drinking, and having sex after.  There was no dinners, movies, etc.  I
told him that I felt the relationship was more about sex, and I was
looking for something different.  He seemed to have gotten upset, and
said it was due to the fact that he was working till 11 pm at night,
getting adjusted to a new area (he had just moved to NYC in August),
and trying to also hang out with his friends.  He also said he did not
expect to have a girlfriend moving here.  Of course - I ended it right
there and did not call for a month.

December - I know I should not have called - but I wanted to see how
the guy was doing.  We talked and he seemed excited to hear from me. 
He said we should catch up and he appreciated that I called him.  He
said he would call me when I got back to the city (both of us were
visiting family for the holidays).

January - He called, and told me that he was not working as much
anymore, and wants to try and do dinner next week...we will see what
happends.

QUESTION - I feel extremely despearate, and I am afraid to proceed
because I really like this person (and even feel that I am falling in
love).  Since I have never had a boyfriend, I want to try to have a
relationship with this person.  
1 - Do you think he wants a relationship with me, or am I expecting
too much too soon?
2 - Should I proceed and date him, or am I not emotionaly ready to do this?  
3 - I know I probably should not feel this way - but I feel that he is
the one.  I do know that if this doesn't work out I will find many
others that can fit the shoes, but how can I proceed with caution and
NOT let him know that I am desperate...knowing that it can turn him
away.

4 - How should I date this person...should I date this person, or
should I date around, find someone else?

5 - Something tells me that he likes me, but is that me trying to convince myself?
6 - Why does this bother me?  Why do I have ALL of these crazy feelings??

Cut the sex and you will soon find out where he is and what he stands
for.  Just on general principles, I am betting when you cut off sex,
he will be gone, which will tell you what you need to know about him.

It is always hard to tell a person to walk away from any relationship.
 There is always the "what if" he really is the one.

However, never forget that if you get the right man, it will be for
life -- unless you mess up.  And, as a former divorce counselor, I can
tell you divorce is a bummer.

So, do not rush into things. Anything good will wait. If he can't wait
he also can't stay married long.  I am assuming your long term goal is
marriage; if that is wrong, my comments are useless.

I realize it seemed as if you were ready for sex. That is the danger
of sex.  We all mostly feel as if we are ready, but in the long term,
we are usually wrong, based on the long term results.  Not that you
can go back and change things.

Our sexual nature and our hormones make us desperate, but I guarantee
you there will be others, and if you knock off the sexual
relationships, they will be better.

Even if this man is the 'right' person, the way you teach him to treat
you today is the foundation for how he will treat you later on.  By
having sex with him you have opened pandora's box of various issues
for the both of you, but it is possible for you to bring this
relationship back on track to first of all determine if the two of you
are compatible and second if you are ready to make a commitment to
each other.

In order to stand on solid ground in your decision making, you must
eliminate the sex and even the possibility of having sex (ie: don't
you two be alone anywhere without safeguards).  As a woman you are
training this man to have weak commitment muscles because you are not
requiring much of a level of commitment for him to have you as his
prize.  When relationships have their ups and downs, which they surely
will, it's commitment that acts as the glue to keep the relationship
intact.  Commitment often does not come with gushy feelings of 'love'
to back it.  Men make commitments, boys do what simply feels good.

Finally, do not be afraid of the 'withdrawal' symptoms you'll
experience from ending a premature sexual realtionship: the constant
thoughts, the crazy feelings.  They will subside in time.  I don't
think you have to worry about scaring him away.  I'd be more worried
that he'll come back but be unwilling to respect your worth, to love
you completely and spare nothing in his pursuit of you.  Keep yourself
as a precious jewel, only to unveil yourself to the most deserving of
a man.  If he complains, faints or otherwise throws any manner of
temper tantrums because of your respecting yourself more, then you
will have your answer.

I think you hold your own answers...

1 - "...expecting too much too soon..."
2 - "...not emotionaly ready to do this..."  
3 - "I know I probably should not feel this way..."  "...I do know
that if this doesn't work out I will find many others that can fit the
shoes..."  "...proceed with caution and NOT let him know that I am
desperate..."

4 - How should I date this person...should I date this person, or
should I date around, find someone else? (..>  all of the above.)

5 - "...me trying to convince myself..."
6 - Why does this bother me?  Why do I have ALL of these crazy feelings??

Because matters of the heart do not always feel rational.  Hormones
get involved as well as hopes and dreams.

Judge by actions, not words.  Good luck to you.  You sound much too
good for him actually.  And I agree about cutting off the sex.  It
makes it too hard for you to see how he behaves when it isn't all
about his gratification.

I think you want him to like you for whom you are on a long term
basis.  Having been married for almost 25 years this is a good idea. 
Cut out the sex.  (masterbate before you have a date, might help keep
your resolve.)  Be honest with him and say you really are more
interested in this being a reciprical relationship and need more
evidence for that so no sex for X number of months. (6 might be a good
number)  That you aren't seeing other people for sex, but you really
don't want that to be the only reason you get together.

Livysmile,
Thank you for your so honest question.
All the above sounds correct to me, and older man.  Men can be
unintentionally deceptive; it's in our genes.   Long ago, a then
already erstwhile girlfriend remarked about the man in another, new
couple:  "Yes, that's how you "came on" when we met."  Ouch!
I have another and also difficult suggestion:  Let him know where he
can contact you and leave it up to him to respond.  That may be easier
than telling him about no sex, especially if you are ambivalent on the
subject.  If he is interested in you, he will call.  If not, then you
know.  If he does, and sex comes up, you can say you have your period
as an excuse.  If he doesn't accept it as such, it is still your
prerogative to say you don't want to, but then you would know two
things:  that sex is for him a primary consideration and that he
doesn't immediately respect your feelings,  and  maybe a third:
something about his experience.

Something else  - that you already know:  from the statistics, most
young women have had their first sexual experience at an earlier age,
when marriage wasn't a serious consideration.  My respects to you! 
They have been through this when they knew there wasn't as much riding
on it, and there isn't for you, either, really, no need to be
desperate, regardless of your immediate feelings.

Really attractive young women can scare guys off, since they assume
they haven't much chance.  You know:  everyone assumes that only the
football captain has a chance with the head cheerleader.
Give him a chance to contact you, but get on with what you like to do,
hopefully activities that let you meet people with the same interests.
 Having common interests, in my opinion, is the bases for a long term
relationship.

I wish you well, Myoarin

it sounds to me like your're forcing this relationship to happen. 
with my experiance with women you want what you can not have. Since
this guy ignored you it made you want him more.  really you hold all
the cards when it comes to in the bedroom.  A lot of women really do
not realize this.  You get to call the shots.  if you want to do it
then do it.  just because he wants to have sex doesn't mean you have
to have sex with him.  don't feel that this is the only guy that wants
to have sex with in the whole entire world.  Date around.  explore
your sexuality.  the more guys you date the better you are able to
read sititions.  practice makes perfect.  this doesn't mean cut off
all contacts with this guy but don't make him the only option.  you're
only twenty four.  the average marriage age now is 30.  slow down
marriage isn't going anywhere.

Livysmile,

The truth is, when a man is in love with you, there is NO ambiguity. 
You will KNOW it without question by his actions.  Because a man in
love is like a dog with a sock - they don't let go. Working late,
getting used to a new place...all those things are relevent stressors,
but a man in love draws his strenth from being with his lover - This
guy found a convenient way out.  He supplied you with reasons to leave
him.  He moved on. He's not in love.

Protect your spirit and don't give this man another opportunity to
hurt you.  Move on and give someone who may have admired you from a
distance a chance to know you and love you.

I second what salientsynapses-ga said.

An aside, I recommend this book for you:

He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys 
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/068987474X/103-0142351-1267078?v=glance&n=283155

When a man is into you, really sprung, there is absolutely no doubt.
BArring that, you deserve to be _available_ for the man that will come
along and BE REALLY INTO YOU!

Buy it, read it.