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Q: What Men Want ( No Answer,   9 Comments )
Subject: What Men Want
Category: Relationships and Society > Romance
Asked by: invenusta-ga
List Price: $60.00
Posted: 16 Jan 2006 02:30 PST
Expires: 18 Jan 2006 15:23 PST
Question ID: 433915
I've never had a boyfriend and I'm getting desperate. How do I get
nice guys to ask me out on a date? I'm a sort of sensitive, shy type
of girl, and most guys seem really intimidating to me (especially tall
ones). I think it doesn't help that I'm a chemistry student, which may
be intimidating to guys(?). I'm so afraid of ending up an old maid,
even though logic tells me that living a single life can be
fulfilling. I don't really get out much because my classes are so
demanding. I wish I had some sort of "formula" that would make me more
interesting or attractive! I am totally clueless in the guy
department, and it's so frustrating. Since people call me pretty or
cute, I think it's more about my personality than my looks.
There is no answer at this time.

Subject: Re: What Men Want
From: mikomoro-ga on 16 Jan 2006 03:44 PST
Hi invenusta-ga 

If you are still a student and you are serious about your studies then
you have got your priorities right. You say, 'I don't really get out
much' which says it all. Once you have finished your studies and you
have time to go out and socialise then you will find yourself a
boyfriend for sure.

When he comes along he will be worth the wait.

Best Wishes

Subject: Re: What Men Want
From: myoarin-ga on 16 Jan 2006 04:25 PST
Mike is right.  Don't go hunting for "him".  Do the things you have to
and those you enjoy with others, hobbies, church, singing, sports,
whatever.  That's the best way to meet people who are interested in
the same thing, and you will probably "come across" as more relaxed
and interesting when you are doing something that you like.

Good luck, Myoarin
Subject: Re: What Men Want
From: weisstho-ga on 16 Jan 2006 08:22 PST
May I suggest a book that my shy wife has found interesting and
informative:  "The Introvert Advangage"

Love always shows up in the most unexpected of places, and hardly ever
when you're looking for it. Enjoy your studies and developing your
career. Enjoyment of life gives off an aura that is unmistakeable.

And, I suppose, some women would say you're lucky. Who was it that
said that "women need men like a fish needs a bicycle!"
Subject: Re: What Men Want
From: scubajim-ga on 16 Jan 2006 10:20 PST
A lot of guys are intimidated by a beautiful girl.(I am going to
assume you are one, you might not think so, but guys have lower
standards on women's looks than women do on themselves.)  Don't rush
it, you will find the right guy.  You don't want to get desperate and
lower your standards; you would be very hurt if the guy isn't nice. 
Look around, I am sure that there are guys in your classes, notice how
they treat others. (are they polite, are they respectful, it is fine
to disagree, but not to be disagreeable.)  When you find one you want
to go out with you need to send him clues. You could ask him out for
coffee or something like that but you are shy so that isn't realistic.

Don't think of him as a date, think of him as a classmate.  Ask him
something that has to do with school or class.  (eg I am having
trouble understanding esters or the Krebs Cycle.)  Don't play dumb but
listen to his explanation and engage him in talk about it.  On the
other hand, don't make him feel stupid.  When listening look into his
eyes, act interested.  If you are sitting down lean forward.(in
interest, not to give him a better look down your blouse)  Smile.  Be
interested.  It is highly likely that if you show interet in him he
will ask you out.  Ask him about himself.  Get him talking about
himself.  When you get up brush your arm against him, (if it isn't too
akward.)  These subtle things will attract him. (know I don't mean rub
yourself against him, but a subtle brief contact will stay in his
mind.)  Dress nicely but not "hanging out".  "Hanging out" is great
for a strip joint, but that isn't the task at hand.  Nice, you don't
have to expose a lot of flesh to attract a man.  Often leaving thing
to his imagination has that much more alure.

(See Memorires of  Geisha for some subtle tips, as a guy I can say
these things work and you don't have to "be loose".  Best of luch and
I hope you find someone nice and to your likeing.  Remember he is
probaby shy also.
Subject: Re: What Men Want
From: welte-ga on 16 Jan 2006 12:51 PST
Most people meet people through their friends.  There's nothing wrong
with a woman asking someone out.
Subject: Re: What Men Want
From: athenawiles-ga on 16 Jan 2006 12:53 PST
Hey, you and I must be pretty similar... single, shy, female chem students unite!

It can sometimes help, though, to become friends (like, actually
friends, not just acquaintances) with guys in your classes, student
groups, etc... correct me if I'm wrong, but you sound like the kind of
person who's not looking for a random hookup, but a really nice guy
who's more than just a friend.  Sometimes, becoming friends is the
first step along the way to that, and if you start off with the "just
friends" mentality, it can help overcome the shyness/panic that can
sometimes set in if you start straight in with the goal of developing
a romantic relationship.

(and about the guys intimidated by smart girls, esp. smart girls in
science - from personal experience, I think there's probably some
truth to that, but if you don't mind them, you'll find that
science-oriented guys are often much much less intimidated by this
than others.  There are all sorts of places that you'll find these
people - not just in your chem classes, but I've become friends with a
couple of really cool not-intimidated guys just by hanging out in the
computer labs in the science dep't and things like that.  Just some

... Anyway, best of luck to you.  And as mikomoro said, if you're
still a student, you've got plenty of time.  Don't stress... it'll
work out in the end :-)
Subject: Re: What Men Want
From: invenusta-ga on 16 Jan 2006 14:27 PST
I just get frustrated when I see nice guys with cheerleader-type girls
who are definitiely not "serious about their studies." I get the
feeling I should be some kind of social butterfly (like one of my
sisters) but I know I'll never be like that. It doesn't help that all
my brothers and sisters (I have a big family) are either happily
married with adorable kids or with someone.
Thanks for all your advice.
Subject: Re: What Men Want
From: myoarin-ga on 16 Jan 2006 15:19 PST
That is frustrating, and those girls are probably giving them "what
men want" (your subject line), but that isn't the way to you are or
probably want to be, and you are long, long way still from becoming an
old spinster.

And, you know what, there are men in your position.  I knew one
decades ago: brilliant, PHD in nuclear physics at 25, didn't look left
or right, went to Europe in his profession, and then  - lo! -  he
married a ballerina from Sadler Wells!

Intelligent girls are a intimidating to young men, if they recognize
that they are less intelligent.  Regardless of lip service to women's
equality, men still like to feel they are bigger and better  -
especially younger ones.  Those "cheer leaders" are probably letting
them or - more probably - have no choice in the matter. ;)
In the university environment, the emphasis on dating can be
overbearing:  "But you got to have a date, it's Saturday night."
Don't let people with that attitude influence you.
And don't jump at the first guy who shows interest.  There recently
has been another question by a young woman in that situation.

I wish you good luck, Myoarin
Subject: Re: What Men Want
From: bozo99-ga on 16 Jan 2006 20:16 PST
Not in order of importance, but in order of what will be noticed first...

Do you look right:
- clean
- long-ish tidy hair
- reasonable clothes (some variation for taste might be expected here
but everybody's got an idea of reasonable)
- not drastically different from a reasonable weight
- most people look better smiling a bit

And sound right:
- not the most talkative person about, and not whining and not invariably silent
- make sense
- sound kind and thoughtful

...then you've a good chance of getting some attention in the long run.

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