Well, I don't even know where to start. I'm very worried about my step
daughter. I know that both of my step children, have issues and they
need to be addressed. But, what has happened lately truly concerns me.
My 8 year old daughter is defecating in her bedroom. This is not the
first time that this has happened. She does not wet when she is
sleeping but only awake. I know that it is not physical because she
never has a accident anywhere else. One night I went into her room and
found that she had went to the bathroom in her barbie's bathtub. She
left it in the middle of her room, and when I ask her about it she
said that she couldn't make it to the bathroom. I asked her if she
felt like she couldn't control her bladder, but she said that she
could. I realized that it took longer to pull her pants down and aim
properly, then to just go to the bathroom. ( whish is right next to
her room) But there was a time before that, when I took her to my
brother's girlfriend's house and we were all swimming. We soon
discovered that she had deficated in the pool. When asked if she could
explain herself, she said that she thought I would have gotten mad at
her is she had to go to the bathroom again. (not true) This happened
when she was 6. But last night was the straw on the camels back. I was
working along with my husband and my mother was watching all the kids.
Brooke was playing in her room with her makeup and toys. My mother
went into her room to find that Brooke had gone to the bathroom in a
bowl and hide it in the corner. Both number one and two. If that
wasn't scary enough for us I found out the she also put glitter makeup
on it to see what it looked like.
I know that these children have been threw a lot. They had a new mother. (me)
Then all of a sudden they lived with there father and myself full
time. (there mother said she couldn't handle them)But then she dates
this man, and soon after (6 months) tells the kids in the same weekend
that she is getting married and having a baby. I too was pregnant at
this time with my second. She gave birth the day after me. There is
much more, but I would be here all day. I know my husband and myself
aren't perfect, but I feel a lot of their problems stem from their
mother. We need help. I feel I'm losing this battle.

Your problem cannot be solved here. 

Note that I said "your" problem. There is most likely a family dynamic
involved in your daughter's inappropriate elimination and this needs
to be addressed promptly by a well-qualified child psychologist. As
the family involved is going through complicated relational
machinations, it may take a bit of dedication to help your daughter.
This sort of widespread, amorphous family intertwining makes shrinks
nowadays want to pull out their collective hair, so I've been told (it
used to be easy-- blame the mother-- but now there can be several
mothers, fathers, relatives, and an assortment of hangers-on to
consider!).

If your insurance does not cover this therapy or you are unable to
afford it, try contacting your child's school psychologist (if there
is one) or similar professional at her school to investigate what
options are available.

Good luck to you and your family.

Hello myname6652-ga,

Unfortunately, markdvmd-ga is right; you're probably not going to find
real help for your problem here. However, I can reassure you this is
not a terribly uncommon or rare problem. I can also help you put a
name to it. It's called "encopresis," which means inappropriate bowel
movements, or fecal incontinence. It can be involuntary or voluntary.
Involuntary usually is due to physical causes, frequently
constipation. However, it sounds like your stepdaughter is exhibiting
signs of voluntary encopresis, which usually stems from psychological
causes. The fact that she has been under such stress as you describe
would underscore that likelihood.

Here're a few links to some information on it, so you can read up on
it, though I also urge you to get some help. You can start with your
family doctor. S/he will certainly be aware of this problem, can help
make the diagnosis as to involuntary or voluntary, and assist you in
knowing where to take it from there.

http://www.minddisorders.com/Del-Fi/Encopresis.html
http://tis-group.org/top_soil.html
http://www.shands.org/health/information/article/001570.htm

I do sympathize with you. I took care of a foster child once who had
this problem, and it is very frustrating indeed, I know. But don't
blame yourself, or your stepdaughter. That won't help. Just get
educated, get some help, and take it one step at a time. It *will* get
better; the prognosis is very favorable with treatment. I wish you
best of luck.

Kindest regards,
Byrd-ga

To compliment markvmd's premise, I offer this:

FECAL SOILING (ENCOPRESIS) [scroll to] Impaired Family Relationships
http://www.naspghan.org/sub/Encopresis.htm
..."Attempts to treat encopresis at a purely mechanical level
frequently become a constant source of frustration to the family and
the health care professional  alike.  Only in the more simple cases of
sudden onset obstipation with overflow incontinence will the
maintenance of a clean colon effect an immediate cure.  In the
majority of cases, by the time the problem has been brought to the
surface, psychological and social disruption has already occurred, at
times very seriously.  Undoing the damage to the child's self-image
and dealing with parental anger and ambivalence is not an easy task
and requires time, sensitivity, and patience.  In certain cases, the
child with encopresis can become the scapegoat for more extensive
psychological dysfunction in the family.  These families should be
referred to a competent therapist familiar with the management of this
kind of problem.

Identifying the factors affecting the normal development of continence
and understanding the symbolic role sometimes played by the symptoms
of encopresis can be instrumental in planning treatment.  Major
upheavals in the child's life (death in the family, separation of
parents, remarriage and relation with the extended family, birth of a
sibling) can be responsible for antisocial behavior, displaced anger,
and regression, and can only be corrected by proper intervention.

Cases where complex psychopathology underlies the soiling are much
more difficult to manage and require a team approach.  Unfortunately,
the number of therapists who are experienced in the management of
encopretic children and their families is small, so that in many
communities, the pediatrician or general practitioner will have to
assume the main role in directing the care.  Experimenting with
methods based on charting and rewarding the child for accident-free
periods can be useful sometimes and is a way of involving the child
and reinforcing his success..."

Treatment Guidelines for Primary Nonretentive Encopresis and Stool
Toileting Refusal
http://www.aafp.org/afp/990415ap/2171.html

I forgot to mention above that the outcome of her inappropriate action
lead to her "owning" what would normally be flushed. She keeps it, in
her bedroom, and makes it "pretty" with glitter, clearly this is
demonstrative of this substance being her friend, she wants to keep
it. She doesn't want to throw it away.

This is way beyond what a parent can handle, take her to a qualifgied
therapist ASAP, one that has experience in this type of treatment.
You'll need to ask around, only 1-3% of children experience this and
only 20% of those are not a result of constipation...

Get professional help.  Don't blame yourself.  There is some
pshycological problem going on.  The earlier you get help the easier
it will be (on all of you) to solve this behavior.  Yes, it is
frustrating and no there doesn't seem to be any clear solution to the
problem.  Part of it is a control issue.  She can do this behavior and
you would have a difficult time to stop her. (not sure stopping her by
any direct means would work even if one could figure out how that is
even possible.)  If you berate her she has won.  You can't control
people's normal bodily functions.  On the other hand, doing nothing
doesn't correct whatever the underlying problem is.  A competent
mental health professional should be able to help your family deal
with this.

I second the motion (or third, because I strongly implied) --with scubajim...