My fiancee and I are both immigrant Chinese-Americans born from
immigrant Chinese parents who have lived in the U.S. for over thirty
years.  We are planning a traditional Chinese wedding banquet of about
200 guests.  According to traditonal Chinese customs and etiquette,
the groom's side pays for the wedding banquet.  However, someone has
suggested that by modern Chinese customs, both in the US and in China,
the cost is split between the bride and groom.

What is the modern Chinese etiquette for who pays for the wedding
banquet, for couples both in the US and for China?  If the cost is split,
what is the customary percentage for each family?

The issue is less about money, but more about tradition and etiquette.
 According to Shu Shu Costa's "Wild Geese and Tea", sometimes when the
groom's side cannot afford to hold an elaborate banquet, the bride's
side will give money to the groom's side, but pretend the banquet was
fully paid for by the groom's side, so that the family will not "lose
face" among friends, family, and community.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! I salute your desire to follow
traditional etiquette here!
 
I was wondering just how "traditional"  you were planning to go with
this wedding. Your question only mentions the wedding banquet. I live
in Taiwan
(Republic of China), and wedding traditions here include prescribed
gift exchanges (between future bride and groom) as part of the
engagement and wedding process, as well as delivering elaborate cookie
gift packs to a variety of friends, mentors, relatives and so on.
Also, it is imperative to have your wedding photo album prepared
before the wedding -- involves future bride and groom spending one or
more days with a wedding studio photography team who take you to
numerous locations to take lavish photos.  Then there's
also traditions dictated by your family's background - Hakka,
Taiwanese, Cantonese etc.
   Bai nyan hao he = May you and your spouse be harmonious together for 100 years.

Thank you for your comments and well wishes.

To answer your questions, my fiancee and I are not planning to follow
all the customs and rituals of a traditional Chinese wedding.  My
parents are Cantonese/Toisan (Taishan) and her parents are Toisan.  We
are planning to deliver the bridal cakes with the invitations only to
close friends and family.  My fiancee offered to perform the
ceromonial tea ritual, but my parents did not feel it was necessary.

The question regarding the wedding banquet is more of an issue because
even though people say "it is not about the money", the reality is
that it is the most expensive part of any wedding.  People have
suggested that by *not* asking the bride's side to help split the cost
is considered "disrespectful" and implies that the bride's family
cannot afford to.  While in my judgment, asking them to share the cost
when they have not offered to, and traditional custom does not dictate
that they should, would be in extreme poor taste.  I could not find
any information to suggest that the bride's side should pay for any
part of the wedding banquet, but I admit that my sources may be
outdated.

I just got to thinking about your question about who pays for the wedding.
It seems that here in Taiwan it is the *guests* who pay for the wedding banquet.
When we get a 'red bomb' (wedding invitations are printed on red paper
and put into red envelopes), we first look to see which hotel the
wedding will be held at. That tells the guests how much their dinner
will cost the bridal couple. A good wedding guest brings a 'red
envelope (hung bao)' with enough money to  cover (at least) the cost
of their dinner.  If you have a special or close connection to the
bridal couple, you put more money into the envelope (being careful to
avoid unlucky amounts).  The idea here is that in lieu of getting
wedding presents as in the US, the bridal couple will receive enough
money to cover the wedding banquet, with a nice profit on the side.
  When you attend a wedding here in Taiwan, you first have to pass through 
the bank of 'wedding accountants' who sit outside the banquet hall and
in front of the wedding guest, count the amount in each red envelope.
They announce in a loud voice the amount, which another accountant
dutifully enters into the wedding ledger. (The bridal couple can later
use this record to determine how much money they pay for your wedding
red envelope!) Once the accounting is finished, you proceed to sign
your name on a large red cloth.
  I rather suspect it will be hard to get US guests to give red
envelopes in lieu of wedding presents.
   You might try posting your question on an ex-pat internet
discussion groups in Hong Kong or Taiwan or Singapore (?) (maybe also
in Shanghai or Beijing?) to see what their experience has been. One of
the discussion groups in Taiwan is
http://www.forumosa.com/taiwan/index.php
   I've never been married, so my information is only anecdotal at best.

Having done a little more research I've found a webpage which compares
the traditional Chinese wedding, modern Chinese wedding, and Western
wedding.

http://havill.net/wedding/theme.htm

This wegpage suggests that in modern times, sometimes the young couple
pays for the wedding banquet themselves.  It is unclear whether that
leaves the parents out of the picture.

Our guest list will consists of about 75% Chinese, although I don't
know what percentage of that will be giving the red envelopes instead
of gifts.  Regardless, someone will have to plan the banquet and pay
the initial costs.

My original question was based somewhat on the notion that not
following proper etiquette would offend the parents, the families, and
the guests.  The concept of "saving face (respect)", "banking
(accumulating) social credit", etc. and how important it is in Chinese
culture is very foreign to me.

Wow, this is indeed very complex!  I found this and was amazed at the protocol:

Traditional Chinese Wedding Customs  
http://www.chinese-poems.com/wedcus.html

I think the reference that "sometimes the young couple
pays for the wedding banquet themselves" actually means the young
couple arrange with the restaurant/hotel to hold the banquet, but the
actual payment for the banquet comes from the guests who attend. That is,
the couple agrees to make up any shortfall which the guests don't contribute.

Hi:
In traditional weddings, the bridegroom is indeed expected to foot all
the bill; but of course, he does recover the cost from the red packets
given by the relatives, friends and guests at the wedding.

Wedding tables is part of the dowry given by the bridegroom to the
bride's family.  Sometimes, when finances is tight or when you have
understanding in-laws, they may request for a smaller dowry of maybe
say only 8 tables for the bride side of the family.

Anything above the requested 8 tables will be paid by the bride's
family. Of course, correspondingly, the bride side of the family will
get to keep the red packets given by guests from these 'extra' tables.

Of course, the guests and relatives need not be aware of such arrangements.

For other Chinese culture matters, please visit: http://www.chinese-culture.net.

Happy wedding!