The other day I watched a show called "House" that made a strong argument for me 1)
never to touch pork again, and 2) that I should be checked for worms throughout
my body and especially giving me a head-start on Alzheimer's, that
only x-rays can find and that two blue pills can cure. I'm now in the
habit of avoiding the channel that has "House" on it, but happened to
run into a homeless person who offered for no reason but perhaps that I was
telepathically broadcasting (some sort of vestigial backup system when
infested with worms) my fear of them, that tobacco is supposed
to be an antihelmintic. TV chases people toward doctors, drug
companies and mortgages, that's its job and has been since before
geritol and sominex, but if you can track down whether there is a
tradition of tobacco being a reasonable treatment for this, I'd
be spared a prescription of prozac and elevil. I'm not that terrified
of worms, actually, but I kind of resent a show doing this. I'm part
indian and couldn't be made to inhale with an
iron lung, but I figure anyone could buy a tin of chaw and have a
pinch or two for dessert.

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Clarification of Question by scotttygett-ga on 22 Dec 2004 13:38 PST

It was the one with the elementary school teacher who drops one day
and gets irradiated and hormoned and all kinds of other stuff since
they don't figure she's got a worm in her brain at first. I don't
recall a Santa.

I wouldn't be surprised if there's a Lancet or something circa 1900
saying what and how much, or maybe some journal saying that penicillin
doesn't affect worms, so keep giving tobacco or mercury, or whatever
it was they did back then.

(I think that if they're going to have something like this in a
"House" episode with animated CG worms, they should have at least an
offscreen line about something stupid like tobacco, just like mention
of "Charcoal" now and then for ridiculous Hollywood poisonings might
be in line.)

So, I hope that helps?

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Clarification of Question by scotttygett-ga on 22 Dec 2004 18:02 PST

Tutuzdad's comment that the question was poorly put prompts me to go
for something slightly different in the question. I'm not sure exactly
what that is because Crabcakes has warned that certain parasites will
respond to my tobacco chewing by going straight to my INSERT YOUR
FAVORITE ORGAN HERE. Are the parasites that do this found in
trichinella? I'm definitely leaning towards prophylactic botanicals,
so I could be doomed with a cup of hot chocolate by that logic. I was
hoping for something common like tobacco, saltpeter or, hmmm? I've
heard of do-it-yourself pesticide using tobacco spit, so I know it's
got kick. I can't think of anything comparable. Tabasco? Curry powder?
Won't those just make the worms angry? There should be some AMA blurb
that says THESE BOTANICALS ARE ACCEPTABLE PROPHYLACTIC ANTIHELMINTICS
FOR YOUR PATIENTS THAT DON'T LIKE THE DRUGS THE GRAYS GAVE US BUT
WOULD EAT A KILO OF MUSTARD IF IT WERE ON A BUMPER STICKER...

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Clarification of Question by scotttygett-ga on 23 Dec 2004 11:01 PST

Lawyers do this thing where they scare folks into $11,000 living
trusts, and it's pathetic that this could be the case with MD's.  I'm
not enjoying the argument, in case my many clarifications give this
appearance, and I'll tip for something sensible. Monkey botanical
treatments, AMA-like guidelines from before 1940 that allow
botanicals, court case documents that lean in the direction, even
holistic care for animals, if it leans in the direction of monkeys as
well as cows. Good effort. I think we're close, whether or not this
could be used in a TV re-edit or to help the third world.

1577: ENGLAND: MEDICINE: Frampton translates Monardes into English.
European doctors look for new cures--tobacco is recommended for
toothache, falling fingernails, worms, halitosis, lockjaw & cancer.
http://www.discount-cigarettes.org/history.html

I saw an episode of "House" (I think it was shown on December 14th) in
which Dr. House encountered a patient who had bowel problems and gas
that interfered with his job as a department store Santa Claus. House
suggested that the man should try smoking a couple of cigarettes a
day. I don't recall anything about worms. Was this the same episode,
or is good ol' Doc House starting to peddle cancer-sticks on a regular
basis?

Here's a bit about the nicotine in cigarettes having a beneficial
effect on ulcerative colitis:

"Researchers have discovered that it is the nicotine in tobacco
cigarettes that has a positive influence on symptoms of ulcerative
colitis...
 
It is theorized that the nicotine in cigarettes affects the smooth
muscle inside the colon. This affect may alter gut motility, which is
the rate at which waste moves through the colon...

Some studies have shown that former smokers who develop ulcerative
colitis and then go back to smoking experience fewer symptoms.
However, smoking itself carries other serious health risks. Many
physicians would consider advising patients to take up smoking (or
inhaling secondhand smoke) as a treatment for ulcerative colitis
unethical."

http://ibscrohns.about.com/cs/ibdfaqs/a/smokingguts.htm

I'm at a loss to figure out what the question is but I'll offer this
in hopes that it's at least somewhat on track. When I was a kid my
grandfather had mules on his farm and he fed each of his mules one
whole pouch of leaf (chewing) tobacco about twice a year as a
treatment for stomach/intestinal worms. The reason it works is because
mules, unlike humans, can eat and digest grass without problems, yet
tobacco (presumably the nicotine) caused them to have only one very
brief episode of diarrhea during which the mules expell most (if not
all) parasites. When this one diarrhea event passed the mules
immediatley returned to their normal grazing and returned to normal
without any problems.

If your question is "Does it really work?", well, I know that it seems
to work with mules but I wouldn't recommend it to my worst (human)
enemy.

tutuzdad-ga

I would have a stool sample tested for parasites before instituting
ANY treatment. It is not very likely that you have contracted worms.
You have to be careful treating parasitic infections, as the wrong
treatment can cause parasites to leave one area of the body, and
infest another. Today's pork is very safe, and does not often transmit
trichinella as in the past. Proper cooking of pork also kills off any
parasites, in the unlikely event you have bought contaminated meat.

Everyone is speaking of symptoms and possible remedies. In actuality,
we all have parasites living in our testinal tracts, regardless of
who, what, where, we eat, sleep, drink or do. Bottom line--a quarterly
cleanse of your intestinal system is the best way to remedy the
situation. However, like everything in life, maintenance over the
long-term is your key to sucess. The best way to do this with few to
no side-effects (ie. cancer sticks) is investing in a retailer's
version of a cleansing product: Parastroy and Super Cleanse are two
over-the-counter products that quickly and effectively eliminate
parasites from your system and actually promote other positive health
benefits for you in addition to effectively ridding the body of
toxins, etc. Go to:  www.naturessecret.com or call them at
1-800-297-3273. Their products are also sold at fine health food
stores everywhere. I have used them simply for overall good health
purposes and found them to be the best. Good luck.

The episode of "House" with the teacher who has a parasite in her
brain was rerun tonight. Nowhere in the episode did I hear any mention
of tobacco as a treatment.

The parasite in question was not trichinella. It was a tapeworm.

That's all the help I needed, Pinkfreud, it lead me to three days of
raw pineapple, aloe vera, and a few other assorted odds and ends like
capsules of diatomaceous earth which I think is used as a swimming
pool filter. Good for the third world, though doubtful about fitting
it into Dr. House's dialogue. I invited tutuzdad to take the five
dollars, but he hasn't, so feel free. He can always email me.