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Q: My Real FAther ( No Answer,   8 Comments )
Subject: My Real FAther
Category: Family and Home > Families
Asked by: symun-ga
List Price: $5.00
Posted: 15 Feb 2006 09:34 PST
Expires: 17 Mar 2006 09:34 PST
Question ID: 446175
I have known since about the age of 7 that the man I call "dad" is not
infact my dad, after 31 years, (I'm now 38) I keep wondering what my
real father is like, have I any brothers / sisters, my mother told me
his name is David Coleman (dont know if I spelt the coleman
right....?)and that she met him in St Athen, South Wales around about
late 1966 early 1967 (as I was born December 1967), he was apparently
married, and didn't want anything to do with my mother after she told
him she was pregnant. Dont get me wrong the man I still call Dad is my
Dad and i love him to bits, I wouldn't want to hurt him, and he has
also told me that he is not my real dad, but it changes nothing that I
love him dearly. Here is the question, How do I go about approaching
my mother and asking some awkward questions, I've kept it close to my
chest all these years, thinking that if he didn't want to know all
thoses years ago, then why am I worrying, and I obviously dont mean
anything to him, I'm not looking for anything other than where I came
from, In all the years I have never approached my mother, but she does
tell me and my wife that there is something in here KNICKER draw if
and when she dies thats for me.... could it be clues, I don't even
look when my parents go away on holiday, and I look after the house. I
didnt have an original birth certificate, as my dad (step dad) adopted
me, I took his name when I was about three, about four years ago I got
a copy of my original birth certificate, I thought there maybe a clue,
my real fathers name, date of birth, job, but nothing, just a blank
space, with unmarried mother on it. Ive even look at all the web
sites, that I can, but without knowing his date of birth, I cant do



Request for Question Clarification by tutuzdad-ga on 15 Feb 2006 09:44 PST
What is it that you are asking for? What to say to your mother when
you ask? Clearly the answer to your question "How do I ask her?" is
simply going to be "just ask her". If you are looking for what to say
we might be able to offer you an opinion, but there's no gaurantee
that the words we suggest to you will work.

Is that what you are asking: "What should I say?" and "What should I ask?" 


Request for Question Clarification by tutuzdad-ga on 15 Feb 2006 10:36 PST
Considering the difficulty of suggesting an approach to tell someone
(we do not know) how to speak to someone else we've never met, would
you like me to compose a heart-felt letter for you to deliver to your
Mother and Dad (which you can edit as you see fit)? Will you accept
that as an answer under the circumstances?


Clarification of Question by symun-ga on 15 Feb 2006 12:58 PST
Hi, again , thanks for the comments so far,just to clarify some
things, I would like to say that I am close to my mother, but because
my step father has brought me up as his own , I feel as if I'm
disrespecting him, when I've been on my own with my mother I have
often thought about asking her but just don't seem to get it out.
I have been married before and my mother would ask my first wife does
he ever ask or talk about his real father, I know I should just come
out with it, but the questions just dont come out, maybe it was wrong
for me to post the question here as people have just said ask her, you
read about people in the media in the same position, who start looking
when its to late and the person they are looking for has died, maybe
its time for me to face some of my demons and just ask, but there
never seems to be a right time, and maybe I'm afraid of what I might
find out....?

Request for Question Clarification by tutuzdad-ga on 15 Feb 2006 13:05 PST
You may be right- but you may never know unless you ask.
There is no answer at this time.

Subject: Re: My Real FAther
From: probonopublico-ga on 15 Feb 2006 10:10 PST
It's quite common for adopted children to wish to seek out their
biological parent(s).

From the facts given, it seems likely that only your mother knows your
biological father's identity so I doubt if there is any course open to
you other than to ask her.

Why not broach the subject?

She might now be willing to share her secret after all these years.
Subject: Re: My Real FAther
From: pinkfreud-ga on 15 Feb 2006 13:19 PST
However you choose to proceed, I suggest that you might want to
reconsider your terminology. The man you are seeking is a total
stranger who happens to have been your "biological father" or your
"birth father."

In so many ways, your step-dad, who has loved you and raised you since
you were three years of age, is your "real father."
Subject: Re: My Real FAther
From: amber00-ga on 15 Feb 2006 14:41 PST
If you live in the UK then it may be possible to gain access to your
original birth certificate. Consult you local registrar of births,
marriages and deaths. However, this may not list the name of your
biological father.
St Athan is a small village which had a large RAF base (soon to
close). I don't know whether that helps.
Subject: Re: My Real FAther
From: probonopublico-ga on 15 Feb 2006 22:09 PST
There are things that I now wish that I'd asked my parents whilst they
were alive but nothing anywhere near as important as yours.

If you don't ask her, you may live to regret it.

It's probably even more difficult for your mother to broach the
subject than it would be for you.

I know of a case where a young woman belatedly discovered that the man
she had assumed to be her birth father wasn't. She then met her birth
father and her relationship with her assumed father grew all the
stronger thereafter.

Please remember that it's perfectly natural for you to want to know
and you may be pleasantly surprised by your mother's reaction.

Go for it!
Subject: Re: My Real FAther
From: freewillperson-ga on 11 Mar 2006 02:51 PST
first find out which father you are looking for

---the one who cared and loved you in this wrold ,your step father The
father you know
----the biological father,the father gave you birht

----the real father you came from

then ask and search the one you realy wants to know
Subject: Re: My Real FAther
From: prash527-ga on 16 Mar 2006 22:34 PST
         I suggest u not to search for ur real father. He don't want u
then y u need to know ur father. u told u now love ur father very much
then y the search for the other. My children are adopted at the small
age, ur one of them forget about that and live a life that brigs
happieness to u and ur family.
Subject: Re: My Real FAther
From: myoarin-ga on 19 Apr 2006 09:36 PDT
Your comment will probably be deleted because it includes an email address.

You will have better luck posting your own question.  If you husband
knows anything about where he was born, additional information could
Subject: Re: My Real FAther
From: crazyx5-ga on 14 Jun 2006 13:03 PDT
It seems our stories are a bit similar. I was told when I was 15 that
the man who I thought was my father was not.  I am now 31 years old.
It took me awhile to ask my mom the questions I needed to know, for
the same reasons of your own.  I didn't want to hurt my adoptive dad. 
I since then have had 2 boys and it became more clear to me that
unless I wanted them growing up not knowing where they truly come from
as I did.  I'd have to start asking what I needed to know.  Only in my
case my birth father didn't know anything about me.  I knew his name
and what state he lived in.  After doing searches on just about every
free search site I finally found him!  I went to there
was a few listings of the same name, but after I sent letters to a
couple of them I came across the right one Finally after all these
years.  We have been communicating through emails so far.  He lives
halfway across the U.S. from me.  It is hard to know what to do now,
and how to try and build a relationship, but we are taking our time
and seeing how things go.  I also found out I have 4 other half
siblings.  Good Luck to you in your searching.  I hope it goes well.

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