How does one deal or attend to externals in a relationship.  What I
mean is what does one do when someone  outside the relationship enters
into a relationship and sets in motion doubt about one of the parties
character.  For example, two people are going together - person a and
person b.  An outside person says something about person a that calls
into question a's character.  "A is lying"  Trust now comes into play
with person b about person a.  Even though other people have come to
the plate for person a person b now insists on proof from person a to
establish trust. Person a insists to person b that if a shows proof
there is no longer trust.  Is person's a answer exceptable answer? 
Suggestions and comments.

“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in
torment if you don't trust enough.”
     --- Frank Crane

Hi hereisdoug,

Trust is built on promises that have been kept. It is built on all of
the words and actions exchanged between two people in the course of a
relationship. But lack of trust often has roots that precede the
relationship.

In looking for some online sources that I could point you to for help,
I found a few things that I thought might be inspiring or interesting.
The following is an excerpt from an article entitled “Learning to
Trust Yourself and Others”, which explores possible reasons why it is
difficult for some people to trust:

“You might also want to take a look at how your lack of trust affects
the people around you. If trusting in someone means you believe in
them, then distrust means you don't believe in them. If trust means
you believe they will be there for you and won't betray you, then your
distrust means you believe they will let you down and/or betray you.
Any types of negative thoughts or words are bound to affect a person
negatively. The next time you think you don't trust someone, make sure
that your quest to avoid being hurt isn't going to end up hurting you,
by not allowing you the freedom to truly enjoy the time you have with
them.”

Source:
lovingyou.com
Learning To Trust Yourself And Others 
Jennifer M. Good
http://www.adviceline.com/articles/rel.articles.shtml?ART=trust



Rather than looking at this in such an absolute fashion as your
question would suggest:
 (“Person a insists to person b that if a shows proof there is no
longer trust.  Is person a’s answer an acceptable answer?”), a
non-confrontational discussion might be a better way to approach the
problem. Start with, “What have I done to earn your distrust”. An
article from iVillage.com gives some additional advice for discussing
the subject:
ivillage
Learning to Trust
http://www.ivillage.com/relationships/experts/dating/qas/0,4144,189289_13831,00.html

As regards the outsider in all of this, you have to examine their
motivation. What do they hope to gain by introducing doubt into the
relationship? Are they envious of the relationship? hoping to move in?
somehow interested in effecting a breakup?

One additional resource that I found is an anonymous forum where
relationship issues are discussed. It is in conjunction with Self Help
Magazine.
Self Help Magazine
Relationship Forum
http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/list.php3?num=39

Trust and communication are vital to a happy and successful
relationship. I hope that you will find some of this to be helpful,
and I wish you the greatest good luck in working this out.

Regards,

Beth    



Search Criteria:
psychology "trust issues" relationships
"learning to trust"

---

Clarification of Answer by bethc-ga on 25 Jul 2002 11:40 PDT

Thank you, doug, for the kind words. My answer was given with care and
concern, and I am delighted that it has been of some help.

Best wishes,

Beth

Once again my question was answered well.  I liked the personableness
that came with my answer.  At least I think the answer was given with
care and concern for my well being.  Plus, it was clear and this
answer clarified things for me.
Thank you.