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Q: edit this, please ( Answered 5 out of 5 stars,   1 Comment )
Subject: edit this, please
Category: Business and Money
Asked by: banchan-ga
List Price: $15.00
Posted: 06 Jan 2005 13:32 PST
Expires: 05 Feb 2005 13:32 PST
Question ID: 453126
the following text will be emailed to a potential employer.  please
edit this so that it is appropriate.  English is not my first language
and I would like to make sure that it sounds appropriate.


I would like to append the following to my work history:

Company B
XX Specialist
9/2000 - 11/2000

Did the duties that I was supposed to do (not real duty description).

Note: I got a job at Company B because I had to work with an extremely
disruptive person at Company A.  Within two months of working at
Company B, Company A terminated the disruptive person and I applied
for and got the same job I had before with the same department, group
and boss.


for background please go to the following link:

an additional $10 tip if it is thoughtfully done.  Thank you so much.

Please post if you feel that you would do this for more money and I
will reconsider.  Please state how much if you feel that $25 is not
Subject: Re: edit this, please
Answered By: journalist-ga on 06 Jan 2005 14:05 PST
Rated:5 out of 5 stars
Greetings Banchan,

Here is how I suggest you approach this concern:


Greetings __________,

In reviewing my current resume, I have discovered an omission in my
work history that I wish to amend.  Please review this at your
earliest convenience.  You may attach a copy of this email to my
resume as an addendum.

Company B
XX Specialist
9/2000 - 11/2000

Did the duties that I was supposed to do (not real duty description).

My brief employment at Company B was due to a disruptive employee at
Company A; this employee was terminated by management soon after my
voluntary departure from Company A, and I was welcomed back to Company
A in the same position, department, and with the same supervisor as
before.  I will be happy to elaborate on the details at your request.

I appreciate your immediate attention to this matter, and my apologies
for the oversight.

Best regards,


If you *didn't* send a resume but, instead, simply filled out their
job application, change the first paragraph to read:

"In reviewing my application process for your company, I believe I may
have made an omission in my work history, and I would like to amend
it.  Please review this at your earliest convenience, and attach a
copy of this email to my application to serve as an addendum."

If you *did* leave a resume, then the original edit above will work well.

I hope you are pleased with my edit.  If you wish any clarification,
please request it and I will be happy to respond.

Best regards,
banchan-ga rated this answer:5 out of 5 stars and gave an additional tip of: $15.00
Excellent!  Thank you so much.  Although I feel my command of English
is very good, it is still difficult to come up with something that
sounds nice.  I believe that you have worded everything so that the
whole awkward incident is shown in the best light.

The rest is up to me, but I thank you so much for your help.  I hope
you feel adequately compensated for your kind work.

Subject: Re: edit this, please
From: journalist-ga on 07 Jan 2005 10:18 PST
Greetings Banchan,

"Best light" was my intent.  :)  

I feel quite generously compensated, and I also thank you for your
kind words and high rating!  I'm delighted you are pleased and, if I
or any other GA Researcher may be of service to you in the future, I
hope you'll pay us a visit again.

Best regards,

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