I would like to know the source of why it is that I am so strongly
attracted to much older women. For example, when I was 20, my lover of
five years was 56 at the beginning of the relationship. I used to
think it was just a part of growing, exploring, satisfying a
curiousity, etc. however, I am now almost 40 and the attraction
towards women much older than me is stronger than ever before. Am I
sick? Am I crazy? I hope not!!

tlyons11,

Thank you for accepting my opinion as your Answer.  Here it is again,
typo corrected:

The Answer is different for every person that *might* ask this
question, so we can't give you THE Answer.

The Answer lies in your own psyche, and I can only point you in the
right direction.  You'll have to scan your memory banks for quite some
time to figure it out, but eventually you will settle on the right
memory.  This will only work if you have no guilt towards your
desires, and your reason for wanting to know is just that:  Wanting To
KNOW.

What follows is only my opinion, and I am not a psychitrist.

Usually young kids feel protection, security, and love from adults,
but occasionally sexual energy can be added to the mix, sometimes
resulting in adult fixations a bit off center.  In your case, what has
happened, is sometime when you were very young, meaning before you
knew what sex was, an older female accidentially aroused you.  You
didn't know what sex was, but the feeling in your groin was very good.
 You liked this woman, and liked the feeling that she caused.  There
was nothing perverted about what happened, it was an accident of
nature.  Over time, you came to associate this wonderful feeling and
warmth --with older women in general.

Think back to your early childhood.  Write down the names of all older
women that you were exposed to.  Aunts, Grandmothers, Teachers,
Friends of your Parents, Neighbors, etc.  Think back.  You won't
remember them all at once, so keep the list handy, and add to it over
the coming days and weeks.  Select a woman from your list and try to
remember all your experiences.

No need to write down all you remember, but be systematic.  Sooner or
later, you will remember something unusual, or you will get a strange
feeling when you focus on a particular woman.  Think over a period of
time, don't force yourself.  Sooner or later, --probably later, you
will know.
First you will suspect, then it will grow into knowing.

Good luck, and please keep us posted!

~~Cynthia

For years, I've poured over articles seeking insight and help. I have
been to counseling, only to hear "Well, just as gays are gay, you
simply have a preference that's all." Hardly... In then end, it took a
Googler named Cynthia to hit the nail on the head once and for all.
THANKS THANKS THANKS :))

It's an interesting relationship question.  I've had similar
attractions, and past experiences, only with the reverse gender roles.
It's not as common with men being the younger partner, and certainly
not as accepted in this culture.

I'm sure someone will come along and refer you to the old movie Harold
& Maude, or Ben Franklin's recommendations on what age a woman should
be considered in her prime (he thought 38) . . . yeah, yeah, yeah . .
.

I'm thinking of this in two ways:

Assuming you're not crazy: what are the other characteristics that
attract you to older women besides just the fact that she's old? 
There are many qualities that usually only come with age, and why
shouldn't you be attracted to those qualities?

Assuming you're not crazy, but perhaps a little narcissistic:  do you
get off on being adored?  Women do this a lot: they're in love with
being loved -- actually adored -- not that there's anything wrong with
that, but I think you might know what I mean . . .  after all Ben
Franklin's last reason for going for an older woman was that she would
be SO grateful!

As a woman who is rapidly becoming 'an older woman' . . . . I can't
beleive I just said that!

this should turn into an interesting thread . . .

ts

Here is a hypothesis:

Your mother was older when you were born, (say in her late 30's). Many
men are attracted to women that remind them of their mothers, so you
are attracted to older women, they remind you of yor mother.

Here is another hypothesis:

You are naturally shy with people of your peer group. (High school was
difficult for you. You were always awkward around the girls). But it
has always been another matter with older women because they are not
you don't consider them as peers and you interact differently with
them, you feel more at ease and confident.

Well...interesting question.

First of all I'm a "rapidly" aging woman too. However, contrary to
most beliefs, I have no interest whatsover in younger men. I much
prefer a man my own age.

TS:
 "after all Ben Franklin's last reason for going for an older woman
was that she would be SO grateful!

I'm shocked at you.... ;)

Steph53

augusta-ga: Yes I was very shy in school. Like most boys though, I
found it very difficult dealing with the games girls played sometimes.
This I'm sure is part of why interaction with older women was a lot
more rewarding. And not dealing with birth control has been a +. My
mother was 18 when I was born, and further, I am very turned off by
women who even remotely resemble my mother, so that's not it.....

Possibly an Oedipus complex?

tlyons11,

The Answer is different for every person that *might* ask this
question, so we can't give you THE Answer.

The Answer lies in your own psyche, and I can only point you in the
right direction.  You'll have to scan your memory banks for quite some
time to figure it out, but eventually you will settle on the right
memory.  This will only work if you have to guilt towards your
desires, and your reason for wanting to know is just that:  Wanting To
KNOW.

What follows is only my opinion, and I am not a psychitrist.

Usually young kids feel protection, security, and love from adults,
but occasionally sexual energy can be added to the mix, sometimes
resulting in adult fixations a bit off center.  In your case, what has
happened, is sometime when you were very young, meaning before you
knew what sex was, an older female accidentially aroused you.  You
didn't know what sex was, but the feeling in your groin was very good.
 You liked this woman, and liked the feeling that she caused.  There
was nothing perverted about what happened, it was an accident of
nature.  Over time, you came to associate this wonderful feeling and
warmth --with older women in general.

Think back to your early childhood.  Write down the names of all older
women that you were exposed to.  Aunts, Grandmothers, Teachers,
Friends of your Parents, Neighbors, etc.  Think back.  You won't
remember them all at once, so keep the list handy, and add to it over
the coming days and weeks.  Select a woman from your list and try to
remember all your experiences.

No need to write down all you remember, but be systematic.  Sooner or
later, you will remember something unusual, or you will get a strange
feeling when you focus on a particular woman.  Think over time, don't
force yourself.  Sooner or later, --probably later, you will know. 
First you will suspect, then it will grow into knowing.

Good luck, and please keep us posted!

~~Cynthia

TYPO CORRECTION:

[2nd paragraph, 4th line]

if you have to guilt towards = if you have NO guilt towards.

My bad, sorry.

Cynthia: I think your excellent content within your comment actually
qualifies as an Answer -in this case. Please re-post as an Answer and
I think we'll be done. Yes, I can recall a couple incidences as you
described from when I was a boy. I never thought of it like that,
however, I believe this is *the* source of my life's pattern in this
regard. Nice work. Worth every penny. Thanks again! :)

tlyons11,

THANK YOU SO MUCH for the 5 stars, the kind worsds, and the KILLER Tip!!!

I have been through 18 months of psychotherapy myself and found it to
be very beneficial.  If I can be of assistance to you in the future,
please don't hesitate to ask for me.  Thanks again...

~~Cynthia