Could you please corret and rewrite my paragraph ?
I'm a ESL student. I need your help.

*ESL : English as a second language.

>>
My Friends

We were going to the same college. This is my friend Minyub. He is 22 

years old, the same age as mime. He has short curly hair like me, and 

he is a very silent person. We are not family but we have much in common with 

each other. Only one thing is different about us. He is very more mindful than 

me. I like his personality. I would always like to follow his attitude. We 

still keep in touch each other, even though we are very busy or tired. He works 

at one of the camera companies. Similar to his career, his hobby is making 

home videos and pictures. When we meet each other, he always brings his digital 

camcorder outsides. It makes us laugh. There is an another best friend of mine. 

His name is Eunga. We have known each other for about 6 years. I met him when 

I was seventeen. He and I were going to the same high school. He has a very 

different attitute than Minyub and I. He is very outgoing and talkative and 

has a good sense of humor. Minyub says I also have a good sense of humor, but 

it is not true beside Eunga. Eunga's job is as a librarian. He wants to be 

a police man. So he studies hard to pass the Korea examination. He lives in 

Hanam City. It was very close to house. So if one has a problem, we used to 

meet each other instantly. Some people like to drink too much alcohol when 

they meet their friends. Minyub and Eunga and I do not like to drink too much 

alcohol. We always talk when we meet. Maybe we look like teenage girls. These 

are my best friend.

---

Clarification of Question by jh3ang-ga on 30 Jan 2005 10:06 PST

Thank you ^^

I want to choose you as "answer". How can I choose you ?

I was touched by the obvious affection you have for your friends. Yes
the grammar could be improved but the charm of the piece, for me might
be lost.

Hi-
  I too was very touched by your essay. But since you asked, I thought
I should be honest and tell you, so that you get the best grade
possible. There were a couple of mistakes, none that were major, and a
few that were just words that might be better put in another way.
 
   - When you write "the same age as mime", it should be "the same age
as mine" (with an N)~ probably a typing error.

   - When you write "He is very more mindful than me," it should be
"much more" ~ you can't say "very more."

   - Also, native speakers of English don't often use the word
"mindful", and if they do it has more of a meaning of "watchful" -- as
in, "Be mindful of the loose rocks on the path ahead." I believe the
word you are looking for is "thoughtful"-- that is a word that means
contemplative, one who thinks deeply.

   - When you write "he always brings his digital camcorder outsides",
there should be no "S" on the end of outside.

   - When you write "He wants to be a police man. So he studies hard
to pass the Korea examination," you should make that all one sentence,
so the second sentence is not a phrase-- all sentences must have a
verb.

   - "It was very close to house" should be "It was very close to his
house" or "It is very close to his house" depending on which tense,
past or present, you wish it to be.
  
   -"These are my best friend." should either be "He is my best fried"
if you are just talking about Eunga, or "These are my best friends" if
you are talking about all three of you.
  
   Sorry this is so in-depth!~ But I thought you would appreciate it. Good luck!

              -musishann

just a few changes....

My Friends

We go to the same college. This is my friend Minyub. He is 22 

years old, the same age as me. He has short curly hair like me, and 

he is a very quiet person. We are not family but we have so much in common with 

each other. Only one thing is different about us, he is much more mindful than 

me. I like his personality. I would like to always follow his example. We 

still keep in touch with each other, even when we are very busy or tired. He works 

at one of the camera companies. His hobby is simialr to his career, he makes 

home videos and takes pictures. When we meet each other, he always
brings his digital

camcorder outside. It makes us laugh. I have another best friend, 

his name is Eunga. We have known each other for about 6 years. I met him when 

I was seventeen. He and I went to the same high school. He has a very 

different attitute than Minyub and I. He is very outgoing and talkative and 

has a good sense of humor. Minyub says I also have a good sense of humor, but 

it is not true in comparison to Eunga. Eunga's a librarian. He wants to be 

a policeman so he is studying hard to pass the Korean examination. He lives in 

Hanam City which was very close to my house. So if either of us had a
problem, we used to

meet each other straight away. Some people like to drink too much alcohol when 

they meet their friends, Minyub, Eunga and I do not like to drink too much 

alcohol. We always talk when we meet. Maybe we look like teenage girls. These 

are my best friends.




* I used to be a teacher in South Korea and I think that you have done
an excellent job! A few probles with tense but this is a very common
mistake. If you have other questions like this then you are welcome to
ask them by clicking in the following link: <a
href="http://esljunction.com/jobs"> ESL Jobs </a>

Good luck with your English ^^