First off,
forgive me because I'm a critique nazi. Sorry in advance
I got to your site. I use firefox and by default it doesn't allow an
autostart flash video so I had little gray box that said "ad block"
under your big red sign. So I close firefox and open internet
explorer. Since my the contrast on my screen is really low (for my
comfort) I just see a floating head. I can barely see the backdrop on
the left.
Alright so I'm finally watching the video.
It starts.
Hi I'm someone you've never heard of.
I'm sitting in a hotel you've never heard of.
I started my education in blah of blah over in blah.
I was fairly successful, I made a living, wasn't anything special.
I was poor as crap so I had to make a system.
Boom. There it is.
So a chubby guy in a black fat shirt instead of a formal suit comes
out with little effect in is voice in a baby barf green and a weak
backdrop telling me about his life story of going from 0 to hero.
I don't care.
What about:
"Hi!
I'm Randy Murray, Chairman of the World Marketing Association
National guest speaker and consultant to Fortune 500 companies."
Boom!
You have my interest. You have credibility in the field. Now what can you offer me.
"My system brought me from the brink of bankruptsy to now being blah"
say what you can do for the people then tell the background story to
back up how the system came about.
Most advertisers(ments? it's slurred speech) are generic ads.. procter
and gamle, prudential
what the hell?
I'm not exactly sure what this means? You state two of the most
powerful companies and examples of successful globalization marketing
groups in the corporation world. Proctor and gamble is used a lot as
an example of success in professional marketing books. Now do you mean
their ads on TV? Their slogans? The statement is ambiguous and you
make it sound like they would misallocate resources from their uber
greedy selves to brag in the "oak room" with the other executives.
Just say what you do or clearly correlate. That statement was too
delineated to work.
I don't think it's a good idea to bring a religious parable into the
vid. I'm religious, but really a lot of disrespecful people believe
religion to be a sign of the gullible or they just don't respect the
christian faith. Also, calling something "a little gay" in negative
connotation just before the bible talk is a big "NO!". Unprofessional
and frankly reckless. If this video is an example of marketing skills
it's very unconvincing.
Ok. End the video critique, the rest is good. Now comes the intro
text. Heck, some people don't have flash. You may want to add a link
to install it somewhere or an alternative video.
Intro Text
There are only two ways to prosper in today?s business environment,
regardless of the product or service that you are selling. One is to
get lucky, the other is to hire a knowledgeable and honest
professional that will assist you in setting up your own cost
effective marketing and advertising campaign.
This isn't very active. Success in today's business, regardless of a
product, is determined by luck, and a prof,....
Adjective like "today's" is understood without being said.
The dues to become a member of the World Marketing Association are
$595 annually or $59.95 monthly. If you are willing to take that step
and join the WMA family, you will open the door to possibly achieving
greater success than you have ever dreamed of.
Asinine cliche ending. The business man is always weary to hear those
BS enders. Say what services you will give them. Will you contact
them? They contact you? How do you interact with each other? Don't ask
for money until the methods of service interaction are no longer
ambiguous. Family? So do they get to work with you personally or some
trained staff out in nowhere's ville that'll take your phone call.
The World Marketing Association will put 45 years of combined
experience at your disposal. It will open up an international database
of advertising venues that has the potential to cut your advertising
costs by 50% while doubling your gross sales. No matter what industry
you may be in.
Good paragraph. The last sentence is a fragment though.
Now the layout.
The top image is a generic globe with the title that could have been
extracted from microsoft word.
What the? Right by it it says "stop prospecting" with a checkmark over
it... ermn...
The colors are very uncomfortable. Cyan, dark blue, white, black and
dark red don't mix. Red is a don't-do color in webdesign. It's bad.
Colors have various effects on the viewers. Dark red increases the
heart rate and the frequency makes the page uneasy to view. Use
pastels and grays.
I hope you're counting unique visitors and not hits. Hits are strongly
skewed. Amount of time spent per user is too. Especially if someone
goes to eat or just leaves your page on their desktop for a long
while. The webmaster themselves are often at fault for their skewed
results.
Good luck. |
