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Q: Articles discouraging parents from burdening kids with marital problems ( No Answer,   3 Comments )
Subject: Articles discouraging parents from burdening kids with marital problems
Category: Family and Home > Parenting
Asked by: appropriate-ga
List Price: $20.00
Posted: 06 Mar 2005 10:22 PST
Expires: 05 Apr 2005 11:22 PDT
Question ID: 485683
I have a friend who is 15.  Both of his parents are really upsetting
him beause this is what they do:  the mom tells her son about her
problems with the dad.  The dad also tells his son about his problems
with the mom.  My friend, the son,  is caught in the middle and he is
NOT THEIR THERAPIST!!  He wants them to stop doing this, but they
don't listen.  What I need are some articles, maybe from psychotherapy
journals or somewhere, that address this problem and explain in clear
language that what the parents are doing is inappropriate and harmful
and stressful for their son.  He wants to give the articles to his
parents to make them understand that he can't listen to their marital
problems, it's just too stressful for him.
There is no answer at this time.

Subject: Re: Articles discouraging parents from burdening kids with marital problems
From: cynthia-ga on 06 Mar 2005 17:52 PST
Hi appropriate,

I searched hi and low and was only able to find a single reference worth posting.

Seven common sins of only-child parenting  (See #3)
Carolyn White - Only Child Magazine, or (323) 937-6815:
..." #3 TREATING YOUR CHILD LIKE AN ADULT: You make your child your
confidant, a bosom buddy. Your child isn?t your peer or sidekick and
you aren?t his or hers. This is a particularly difficult sin for
single parents to avoid. Don?t talk to your child about problems in
your marriage. Don?t make your child take sides..."

Considering the lack of information, I found a parenting
educator/expert that I think *might* help.  I emailed her on your
behalf and posted a link to this question. I am hoping she will
register and Comment, so be sure to check back.  We'll just have to
wait and see...

Subject: Re: Articles discouraging parents from burdening kids with marital problems
From: frde-ga on 07 Mar 2005 04:24 PST
Given that the 'friend ' is probably you

Chances are that the silly b*ggers are trying to use you as a postbox

- that or they gearing up for divorce, but realistically a 15 year old
is something of a liability - so I reckon they are not wooing your

Perhaps ask a $2 question - the 30 signs of impending divorce
- preferrably multiple choice
- edit (!) and print two copies
- and give it to them as a test (to be done at the same time)

After the first few questions have been looked at 
- go sleepover somewhere else (essential)
- they will probabably decide you are a precocious little swine
- but you can live with that
- you are - because you have been a 'silent' postbox.

Adults can be rather childish.
Subject: Re: Articles discouraging parents from burdening kids with marital problems
From: just4fun2-ga on 07 Mar 2005 11:17 PST
Hi, I'm kind of a hammer when it comes to most things.  So take that
into account.   When I was 15 my mom used to do the same thing.  I am
a far cry from 15 now.

So here is what I would do now, if I was 15 - remember it a
pain/pleasure world we live in - in a very aggressive tone say I DO
NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS WITH YOU. And then have your friend walk
back to his bedroom and slam the door.  The slamming part is
important.  Then do not have him talk to his parents for 24 hours. 
They will get mad, but so what?  What can they do to him?  Nothing
that would count.  They know that they should not be doing this.  But,
it's easy for them and a 15 year old will put up with it.  Someone
older would not.

Kids are afaird that their parents will stop loving them.  It ain't
goin' happen. So don't worry about it.

If he is able to do this, it will be his first step into become a man.
 If he can't, he'll have to wait a little longer and put up with this

Here is a suggestion, have him work on saying those words with you.
Say them over and over and over.  Then when the time comes - he will
be ready!

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