This question is directed a researcher who already well understands
The Five Love Langauges by Gary Chapman and those who have a
fundamental Biblical worldview (as that is how my fiancee and I desire
to approach it).

    For my fiancee and I, our primary love language is Physical Touch
(secondary is Quality Time) - this does not mean that we just have an
active sex drive (though, we have that as well). Our primary means of
giving and receiving love comes through touch (hugging, back
scratching, arm touching, etc.).  However, both of us wish to remain
virgins until our wedding in mid-June 2005.  Both of us struggle to
maintain our purity (especially in light of our primary love language)
with each other (as we find each other very attractive).  Every time,
we have pure intentions of not doing anything, but just cuddling. 
However, at times (not every time, but more than not) cuddling and
light kissing turns to heavy kissing which turns to more (e.g. dry 
humping/outercourse - I'm not trying to be crass, just want to give
honest information).  We are tired of this sin carousel (perhaps even
sexual addiction) and are looking for *practical and achievable*
advice, perhaps by steps, on how to get off this ride.

    The problem is that not touching each other at all, and I mean in
a non-sexual way, is not an open option because that is how we
primarily communicate love (we've both been touchy people our entire
lives, it's not just this relationship).  Also, not spending time
alone is extremely impractical because it is inappropriate to be
physically affectionate in public (as it makes others uncomfortable
and as we've found to be the case).  As I am 28 and she is 22, and we
are both still physical virgins...  and we're emotionally committed to
each other, our bodies are more than ready to desire consummation.  We
have heard many people (from those who have given in and those who
haven't) to wait until after the marriage vows have been said - and
that is our desire and intent.  We're just tired of this sex problem
and are looking for some *practical* and helpful advice.  We know that
Scripture says "Do not make any provision for the flesh in regards to
its lusts", but because we still want to show love to each other, we
are unsure about how to practically do this.  Other than the verse
above, other Biblical verses would be helpful to include in your
answer as well to back up your reasoning.  Any book resources *that
you have personally read* and recommend would also be helpful. 
Because this is not just a cheap $2.00 answer, we're looking for an
in-depth answer (not just "be accountable and go to counseling"). 
Thanks.

I can relate.

My wife's love language is physical touch. Mine is quality time.
Whenever I spent time with her, she wanted to touch me....add a little
bit of hormones, and *Poof*....everything you described.

I do not think you will find the answer you are hoping for. I don't
think there is a 7-step plan for the temporary disengagement of
physical touch. (ok...no disrespect intended...just a bit of dry humor
at 1:30am).

The solution is to simply STOP IT!

Sure, you love each other. Sure, you want to express it to each other.
Sure, you want to therefore touch each other. However, God messes up
the game, doesn't He? His Word says no. His Word says to "Flee from
evil."
But, you want to love each other....

Therefore, this arguement comes down to what you want vs. what God says.

In my personal opinion, loving God and following his instructions is
more important than loving each other. If she is as focused on God as
you are, she will understand if you tell her "I'd love to cuddle with
you tonight, but we know what happens. I love God as much or more as I
love you. I don't think we should cuddle tonight."

You could take another angle of attack on the issue: Action speaks
louder than words. You can say you are a follower of Christ. You can
say that you are a Christian. But if you know that something is not
right, and you do it anyway, than how are you different than anyone
else. How then are you set apart from the rest of this world?

I have many friends who have been in similar situations. They vowed
that they would not even kiss each other until wedding day. It was a
vow between Man, Woman, and God. You can bet that wedding day was a
VERY special day.

Another perspective on the issue: I heard a statement once that "God
is a jealous God. If there is something that you value more than Him,
He will want it from you. God also wants to give you your heart's
desire. What you gave up for Him, he will give back to you; if it is
in His will. When he gives back to you what you valued more than Him,
it becomes sanctified."

Therefore: you love your future wife. In fact, you enjoy physical
contact with her now more than you enjoy following God's instructions.
God wants that from you. He want's to be #1 in your heart. GIVE IT TO
HIM! Once you give it to Him, He'll give it back to you in June. You
know that! Except, now, it will be glorified.

In summary, there are many ways you can attack the issue. None of them
easy. None of them what people want to hear. DO SOMETHING! Take ACTION
on the situation. Show Spiritual Leadership. Take Charge of your
RELATIONSHIPS. You'll be happy you did. You'll always have regret if
you don't.

Ok..who sounds crazier? Me or you?

I'm not a researcher; therefore, you're not getting the references you
wanted. However, what a great activity that will be to look it up
together (over the phone!!!).

Ed.

Speechless.

I strongly recommend that you review the situation.

Get married now. First Corinthians 7;2 " Because of prevalence of
fornication, let each man have his own wife and each woman have her
own husband".
Hebrews 13;4 " Let marriage be honourable among all, and the marriage
bed be without defilement , for God will judge fornicators and
adulterers".
Genesis 1;28 " God blessed them [ Adam and Eve] and God said to them;
' Be fruitful and become many and fill the earth and subdue it, and
have in subjection the fish of the sea and the flying creatures of the
heaven and every living creature that is moving upon the earth".

You will not go to hell for premarital sex! What you have is an
intimate relationship with the one you love. That is natural.  I think
another verse someone hasn't metioned that says, "Tis better to marry
than to burn [with lust]",

Here are some translations:
Ephesians 7:9
Latin Vulgate
7:9 quod si non se continent nubant melius est enim nubere quam uri

King James Version
7:9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to
marry than to burn.

American Standard Version
7:9 But if they have not continency, let them marry: for it is better
to marry than to burn.

Bible in Basic English
7:9 But if they have not self-control let them get married; for
married life is better than the burning of desire.

Darby's English Translation
7:9 But if they have not control over themselves, let them marry; for
it is better to marry than to burn.

Douay Rheims
7:9 But if they do not contain themselves, let them marry. For it is
better to marry than to be burnt.

Noah Webster Bible
7:9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to
marry than to burn.

Weymouth New Testament
7:9 If, however, they cannot maintain self-control, by all means let
them marry; for marriage is better than the fever of passion.

World English Bible
7:9 But if they don`t have self-control, let them marry. For it`s
better to marry than to burn.

Young's Literal Translation
7:9 and if they have not continence -- let them marry, for it is
better to marry than to burn;


I did not wait till I was married, I was raised to do so, and it
wasn't in defiance of God's love. I was waiting because the religion I
was raised in made sex EVIL.  It isn't it is the most fantastic thing
you can experience with another person.  I am glad I had sex outside
of marriage.  It will only seal the belief that you have nothing but
love for your partner.

My wife and I have a healthy relationship with each other, and with God.

Good Luck,

Now Go get in there and make love to your new bride!  Get it over
with. Enjoy the moments

The bible is very clear that we are to hate sin.  I'm really glad you
and your fiance have these convictions, as it definately shows a love
for God.  Not giving into lust is a very real and very difficult
situation, and there is definately sin here to be hated.

Matthew 5:29 - If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and
throw it away; it is better that you lose one of your members than
that your whole body be thrown into hell.

I know you mentioned that giving up physical touch is not an option,
but I will suggest that if this physical touch is tempting you to sin
then you need to get rid of it.  Hate the sin and flee from it.

You said that both of you share quality time as your second love
language.  You should focus on this.  You have only 1 1/2 months
before your marriage, and I'm certain that there are many things the 2
of you can do together to enjoy eachothers company and show eachother
your love without turning to heavy touching for such a short amount of
time.  Remember, you have the rest of your lives together to enjoy and
convey your first love language... and clearly for the moment the 2 of
you are not questioning your love for eachother.

Perhaps showing restraint for now will even help the 2 of you know
that your relationship is built on so much more than physical touch
that you will have no doubts that getting married is what you should
be doing.

Greetings, I don?t know if this works, but it is a Tibetan method to
suppress libido that was offered on another question.
http://www.users.space.net.au/%7Edcmorgan/Tibetans2.htm

And stick to your own convictions, whatever Bible sources are quoted.
Good luck, June is coming closer every day, and my respects :-).

I was raised Catholic (you know, the "nudge-nudge-wink-wink, do it,
but don't talk about it" religion), so I do not subscribe to your
point of view, more so now that I no longer practice my faith (don't
tell Mom).  I almost never agree pugwashjw, but I must say, he seems
to have the best answer here. Move up your marriage date.

I was in a similar situation.  I waited on God to bring my wife and He
did.  Once I found her, I proposed, she accepted and we set a date. 
You would think if god brought my wife that the grace would be there
for us to wait...WRONG!
the problem is not with you, the problem is how we do weddings.  

When was Adam and Eve married?  When Adam received Eve.  There was no
waiting for a ceremony, or a special dae.  The Father brought the mate
and they consumated it.  When my wife and i realized that we were
supposed to be married, we were conbustable around each other.

There is no grace on not having physical intercourse with the one you
have received as your wife, but if you haven not publically received
her as your wife and present yourselves as a married couple, then you
are not married and it would be sin to have sex.  So I commend you on
your efforts to remain pure.

My first advice is not to put to much weight on your's and your
fiance's determination that touching and quality time (close but not
touching) are your love languages.  It just so happens that these are
the things that will get you in trouble.  It may be that your desires
have influenced the answer.  Remember the enemy moves about like a
roaring lion seeking who he may devour.  The good news in that is that
you have to be stupid to get snuck up upon by a lion that is roaring,
and he is roaring in your relationship.

Trust me, you will feel so much better on your wedding day if you hold
out and you will have a testimony that you can tell the world.

My advice is to only be together in public or in the presence of a
Chritian couple that understands what you are going through.  You were
wired to be physical with your mate and you do not want to turn these
feelings off.  You are going to have a lifetime of intamacy and it
will be pleasing to God.

I also would not reccomend doing one of those "secret" ceremonies in
advance just so you can have sex.  That would make your ceremony a
lie.

Use wisdom, don't get into situations where you are setting yourself
up for failure (alone at night in an apartment with dim lights).

If you are the future husband, start being the priest and declare to
your bride that you are going to take a stand for righteousness.  If
you are the bride, tell your future mate that you believe that he can
be the godly covering that he was called to be.

Counseling will not work.  On this one you will just have to stand. 
The only accountability you need is with one another.  You two will
soon be one and hopefully best friends.  An honest relationship where
you challange one another for righteousness sake will keep the two of
you in god's will for many years to come.  Use this as a relationship
building tool where one expects the other to call out unrighteous
behavior even if it means deferred gratification.

I really hope this helps.  

Trust me, you do not want to drag this sin into your marriage.

Carl

Sex before marriage is not against the bible.

Go pull out a concordiance and read the thing instead of listening to
people repeating the same tired statements which have no theological
basis.

In reference to:

(1 Corinthians 10 
13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man;
but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what
you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of
escape, that you may be able to bear it.)

Do not place yourselves in situations where you will be tempted.

The Five Love Languages is just a book written by a man.  This book or
any book you read outside of the bible should all be taken with a
grain of salt and not taken for truth just as you would the Word of
God.  You need to be like the Bereans and make sure what you are
reading is biblical.  Every young person on this earth's #1 Love
Language is physical touch!  Your hormones are raging!!

As for everyone here that says sex before marriage is ok, they are
completely wrong and are calling God a liar when they say this.  They
need to put scripture to back up what they are saying.

Romans 1:28-32 (NKJV)
28And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God
gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not
fitting; 29 being filled with all unrighteousness, *sexual immorality
(fornication KJV), wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of
envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, 30
backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil
things, disobedient to parents, 31 undiscerning, untrustworthy,
unloving, *unforgiving, unmerciful; 32 who, knowing the righteous
judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of
death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice
them.

1 Corinthians 7:1-2 (NKJV)

7Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me:
It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of
sexual immorality (fornication KJV), let each man have his own wife,
and let each woman have her own husband.

To put it plainly, you need to get married ASAP!!

Also, don't listen to the ones who say sex is OK.  They are wrong and
will turn God's Word around to fit their lifestyle so they don't have
to feel guilty of their sin.

You will have consequences that you will take with you if you continue to play.
Sex and the all the feelings that go along with it, are meant for the
marriage bed.  Jealousy and possessiveness is one consequence you will
take with you, and it's horrible.

The Holy Spirit will guide you if you let Him.  Listen, Trust, and Obey...
Blessings!!

Thank you for your comments all.  My wife and I did abstain sexually
until we were married (and now understand more why that is important).
 We were married June 2005.