Is there a difference in the average length of time spent dating before
engagement for couples who live together (cohabit) versus those
who do not? What about the length of engagement before marriage for
those two groups?

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Clarification of Question by soccca8-ga on 02 Apr 2005 13:00 PST

Myoarin-

Interesting comments, although I would have to disagree with your
statement: "I think we would agree that "dating" ends when a couple
starts to
cohabit and also with the engagement of those who do not." I do not
consider a couple who is living together to be on a higher commitment
level than those who are not living together; rather, they are simply
sharing their living quarters, and at most have a month-to-month
agreement to stay together.

The reason I asked this question in the first place is that I have
several friends who live with their respective boyfriends. All have
been together for several years and none are engaged. My feeling is
that the moving in together has delayed any pending engagement, but I
would like some sort of research to back taht up.

I will risk to suggest that very few couples that cohabit do get
engaged formally, though they may consider their moving in together as
such.
That is to say, the condition in the first part of question is not
fulfilled, and also makes it difficult to suggest an answer to the
last part of the question.
I think we would agree that "dating" ends when a couple starts to
cohabit and also with the engagement of those who do not.
If we arbitrarily define "engagement" as the decision to marry  -
regardless of any formal declaration - I expect that the cohabiting
couples marry sooner than the others, who will probably plan a more
formal wedding with a longer period to organize it  (ask mothers of
the bride what all that entails!).

To simplify the question:  Do couples "date" longer before they decide
to cohabit or before they formally declare their engagement?

Thewe days I would hedge my bets.  There are too many levels of
"co..." without "-habiting" to allow a clear definition.

Thanks for your clarification.  I certainly agree that living together
delays "engagement", but if the couple is living together for years, a
"common law marriage" in practice if not under the law (remember
"palamony" suits) why should they ever consider getting engaged?  If
you will, your examples are enough research.
I am a little intrigued that you consider that these couples have no
higher commitment than couples who are not living together.  You may
be right.  I am probably a good deal older and imagine things
differently.  How do the couples feel?

Myoarin-

Once again, thanks for the response. Now, a few comments...

First, not all states have common law marraiges, including CA, where I
am (as well as my friends in question).

Now, you asked how the couples feel about living together in terms of
level of committment. I am sure they do view it as a higher
committment than not living together, which was probably the point in
the first place. Some do it as a test run, others for convenience, and
others for fun. The fact that they chose to live together demonstrates
that they see it as a step towards marriage, otherwise they would
still live apart. Obviously, my viewpoint is a little different. I
told one of my friends, who is partially the motivation of this
question, about my thoughts on cohabitation delaying engagement, and
she was very interested. There was almost a look of horror on her face
when I told her my hypothosis, as if she was thinking, "Oh great, what
have I done, now he'll never ask." Perhaps the answer to my question
will prove otherwise, although I doubt it.

HI, I oversaw that you had added another comment.  Your friend may be right.  
What is the incentive to get married if it isn't going to change
anything in your current arrangement?  Tax treatment favoring married
couples may be the main one, but if both earn about the same, that
probably doesn't make much difference.  Here in Germany, quite a few
couples only marry after they have had kids, and have to admit that
they are committed to each other for a long future.  When the children
start school, and their last name becomes significant, that is also an
impulse to marry, or was here, before they changed the law and allowed
married women to keep their maiden name (or hyphenate his to hers, or
the man to take hers).

Unfortunately, I expect that no one else is interested in the
question, or maybe that researchers have given it a try, but found
nothing helpful.

I just searched using:  engagement cohabitating marriage  (or with cohabitation)
and it turns up lots of sites, religious ones, of course, also blogs and others.
A couple below: you can find whatever else you want:

http://www.everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=106101
http://216.239.59.104/search?q=cache:pfMHX-gR_bgJ:www.bgsu.edu/organizations/cfdr/cohabitation/shared_resources/Timing%2520Is%2520Everything.pdf++engagement,+cohabitation+marriage&hl=de&client=firefox-a
  
You may have to identify the last site from  www.bgsu ....  It was a
more "scientific" looking paper.
From what little I saw, it seems that you are correct.
 It's been interesting.