how do you tell someone that thier spouse is cheating on them

probably best to stay out of it unless its your own family.

In my personal opinion: Don't. It's a private matter.

Scriptor

Agreed, even if it is family. Messing in that area is a great way to
make sure you don't know either one of them any longer. (whether you
are right or wrong in the assumption that infidelity is occuring). You
aren't doing anyone any favores, you aren't "being honest" you aren't
"living truthfully". Just causing pain.

webadept-ga

I totally disagree with the above three comments.....

If my man was cheating on me, I would want to know no matter how much
pain this would cause me. I believe that no one should turn a blind
eye to an illicit affair.

How to tell them? That depends if the cheated partner is a family
member, a good friend or a casual acquaintance.

Steph53

The safest is to probably tell the cheating partner to come clean or
you shall have to do it for them.
I know I'd rather hear it from an unfaithful partner than a meddling friend.

I was in this situation once. I was the person that didn't know. The
'other woman' wanted me to know, and frankly she handled it perfectly.
She simply told me that "Stan" had something to tell me. I went to him
and said "MJ said you have something to tell me." It was much better
that he be put in that position, he was caught off-guard.. and as soon
as I saw him squirm, the logical question naturally popped out. Had
she told me outright, my initial anger and hurt would have been
expressed to the wrong person.

In my case, the 'other woman' was his wife. They had been separated
for years and still interacted for child visitation. He lied to me by
ommision about sleeping with her because deep inside he still
considered her his "primary relationship," and I was someone he was
sleeping with while they were broke-up/separated/working things out.
When I realized that, and my position became clear to me, I gracefully
resigned. There's nothing else to do when a man is sleeping with the
mother of his child.

In closing, I agree with dufasmcwarne. Don't be the one to tell. If
you absolutely must interfere, there are two choices.

1) tell the cheater to come clean.

2) tell the unknowing one to start asking questions, starting with [ cheater ].

After that, bow out, stay out of the way, let the whole thing play out
without your input.

~~Cynthia

Hi Fridge16,
I don't think you will get any better answer than the one cynthia-ga
has given as a comment.  She is a researcher (blue name in the "from"
line) who can post an official "answer".
If you agree with me, you can post a comment or clarification with her
full user name and suggest that she do so.

NO, I haven't the slightest idea who cynthia-ga is.

"how do you tell someone that thier spouse is cheating on them"

Ask these questions:
1. what is the motive for telling the injured party?
2. are children involved?
3. as this is a primary cause of domestic abuse, are any of the
parties involved violent?
4. one very good reason to inform someone is that std's today can be fatal.

myoarin,

What would you like to know about me?

~~Cynthia

Hi Cynthia-ga,
Sorry, I didn't see your comment to now.  
Everything: if you are as ... as you are astute and knowledgable, etc.  :-)

Really, I wanted Fridge16-ga to consider asking you to posting your
comment as an answer  - or at the very least -  responding in some
way.
Cheers,#
Myoarin