If my girlfriend of 4 months says she has been depressed lately, and
insists it's not me when I try to coax the reason for her depression
out of her as to what's
wrong, but
when we're together is completely happy...she just gets depressed
during the week...and
it seems to be after
she works/or has dinner with her depressed ex-boyfriend she gets
depressed...any suggestions what's happening?
Should I be worried?

Hello mousewithnohouse-ga,

My suggesstion would be to give her some space, but be there for her
when she needs it, and try not to pry too much. The last thing an
upset person wants is someone hounding them about the issues if
they're not ready to talk. If she is depressed, you may also want to
show her the signs of depression and suggest she go visit a therapist
or her doctor. She may be more comfortable talking about the issues
with a "stranger" or a medical profession than with someone she has a
blossoming realtionship with.

Signs of Depression:
    *Exhaustion on waking
    * Disrupted sleep, sometimes through upsetting dreams
    * Early morning waking and difficulty getting back to sleep
    * Doing less of what they used to enjoy
    * Difficulty concentrating during the day
    * Improved energy as the day goes on
    * Anxious worrying and intrusive upsetting thoughts
    * Becoming emotional or upset for no particular reason
    * Shortness of temper, or irritability

http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk/Depression_Information/signs.htm

Here's a guide to helping someone who is depressed:
http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/depression/living/ifyouknow.htm

Google Searches Used:
://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q=depression%20symptoms&btnG=Google+Search
://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q=how%20to%20help%20someone%20who's%20depressed&btnG=Google+Search

I hope this helps,
Nenna-GA
Google Answers Researcher

Your girlfriend may have some real cause for upset in her life and
might just need her own time and space to sort things out.  People
often become moody and don't want to talk about their problems. 
However, you should understand that there is a difference between
occasional moodiness and true clinical depression.

Some signs of 'clinical' depression might be:

Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood 
Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism 
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness 
Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once
enjoyed, including sex
Decreased energy, fatigue, being "slowed down" 
Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions 
Insomnia, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping 
Appetite and/or weight loss or overeating and weight gain 
Thoughts of death or suicide; suicide attempts 
Restlessness, irritability 
Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as
headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain
(from http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/depression.cfm#ptdep2)

I would try and talk with her without necessarily questioning "Is it
me?" or invoking a sort of guilt complex on her part. If you confront
her with that question right from the get-go, she might naturally
flinch and say "No." Let her tell you in her own way, at her own pace.
 The best thing you can do is to be a good listener and tell her that
you are there to listen to her no matter what.

There are really three possibilities here, in my opinion. 1. She is
feeling bad about something in her life, such as her job or her
ex-boyfriend, but for some reason is embarassed or shy to talk about
the reason. (One possible theory: She might have lingering feelings
for her ex but is afraid to tell you? Or another: Perhaps she is
worried about her ex and that brings her own feelings down). 2. She
may not be conscious of her own depressed thoughts and not even she
knows why she feels the way she does. I have known people who had
symptoms of depression who simply couldn't say why they felt the way
they do. Sometimes, it really amounts to a chemical imbalance in the
brain, and coaxing a person to say why they feel the way they do may
not go anywhere. 3. She may be confused about her relationship with
you. You mentioned that you have been dating her for 4 months now. 
Perhaps she feels that she has crossed over from simply dating you to
somethiing more long term, and many people become scared when that
happens.

In any case, you should be a good listener and not try and 'coax' her
to tell you why she feels the way she does. I find that people tell
you a lot more about themselves when they feel comfortable with you
and they know they won't get a guilt trip out of it.

By the way, these are just my own opinions.  I am not a professional
in the area of inter-personal relationships.  You may want to seek a
professional's advice in that regard.

Probably her ex boyfriend knows how to 'press her buttons'
- ie: manipulate her

I do not agree with af40-ga
- you need to find out what is going on, and if possible /stop/ it - and fast
Doing so may destroy your relationship

Not doing so might destroy you.
If I had not taken a laissez faire approach, then the population would
be one higher.

I hope one or the other of the researchers who have very good
suggestions will answer or comment.

You say that she sometimes works or has dinner with her depressed
ex-boyfriend and that this seems to cue her feelings.  And apparently
you two don't see each other during the week, perhaps a logistics
problem  - time, distance.

IF he is depressed  - really, or just moping because he is now "ex" - 
he does not have to be manipulating, just being around someone like
that, and maybe having guilt feelings about having broken up and
making him mope, can be depressing, especially if that goes on for a
couple of days before she sees you again.  One can try to be nice and
remain friends with an ex if one can go home in the evening and be
with "no. one" and know that one is secure in a new relationship.  But
going back to her place alone after dinner with him  - since she still
apparently is interested enough in him or his well-being (the guilt
feelings) to have dinner with him -  is a situation that lets her
dwell on his problems, or maybe that is still their problems, the
reasons why they broke up.

Or  - sorry -  but maybe they haven't ...

Yes, I think you should be worried, unless you truly do not mind her
seeing her ex-boyfriend beyond what their work situation requires.  If
you are happy with her doing that (and we don't know just what that
means) let her know that you "approve", but you've got to be real
honest with yourself before you do that.
If you don't want to do that, then face up to what she could answer
and ask her why she keeps seeing him,  or bluntly tell her that you
don't like it, and why, and deal with the consquences, good or bad.

If work schedules or distance are a problem, can they be resolved?

Good luck

Anytime any     friend spends time with her ex, it's a time to worry.
More to the point though, you got to ask yourself, do you really want
to be around a depressed      all the time.

I have dated some really downer     s...no matter how hot, how    y,
or cool they are, it's just a real drag.

So be kind and supportive. Don't dig. Everyone hates it when people
dig for information like that.