How can you break up a relationship with someone and make it appear
their decision? I am living with my girlfriend, but I have met and
fell in love with someone else. I do not wish to hurt my girlfriend
but longer want to be with her.

Hello Chilledmonk-ga,

As a woman, who?s been in this exact situation, I can give you some
advice. DO NOT make her think she is the issue at hand, when it?s your
feelings causing the breakup. There?s nothing worse that blaming
someone for something they didn?t do and making them live with that
guilt and sadness when it wasn?t their issue at all. Everyone falls in
and out of love. Everyone has a situation where the grass is greener
on the other side of the fence, and they?re ready to go to a greener
pasture. Nevertheless, if it?s about a decision you made, then it?s
not her fault and she should not bear the blame.

There are a number of better ways to handle a breakup than making her
think it?s her fault or her decision when it?s not. Moreover, that?s
not just my opinion either?

?Cory Weaver (Graduate mentioned in the article) doesn't know a good
way to break up with someone, except that "you have to tell the truth.
? That means explaining why the relationship ended and being clear
about the future.?
http://www.decaturdaily.com/decaturdaily/teenpage/040629/breakup.shtml

?As in romantic relationships, there's basically two options. You can
choose the honesty route, telling the person that it's over, stating
your reasons (true or otherwise), and going your separate ways. Or you
could do what I advised my friend about when he wanted to ditch his
gal...slowly fade away.?
http://www.aubreysabala.com/archives/2003/10/breaking_up_is.html

?Honesty
If you are going to break up a dating relationship it is important to
remember that you are probably going to hurt the person you are
breaking up with. Most people are afraid to tell the person they are
dating that they don?t want to date anymore. However, if you can be
honest with them and tell them you cannot date them anymore you can
help avoid a lot of pain. Most people report that they wish the person
would have just told them that they didn?t want to date instead of not
being called or told at all. Honesty is something that will help that
person respect you. However, make sure you avoid being critical in the
break up.?
http://www.geekynetgirl.com/breakup_and_divorce_2761_1616_2.html#honesty
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Some tips on handling the breakup for her and you.

Breaking up in person is the hardest to do. However, since it seems
you live together, you don?t have a lot of options other than that,
you can?t just ?fade away.? It shows that you care about the person
enough to talk to them and give them time to discuss the issue at hand
with you and get some closure.
?Just make sure to pick a semi-private place where you can talk, and
they can cry without attracting attention.?
http://www.enotalone.com/article/3118.html

Ehow has an article called ?How to Mastermind a Breakup?
http://www.ehow.com/how_136826_mastermind-breakup.html

Some of the things it mentions is to pick you time and place carefully
and make sure the time picked is considerate to your soon to be Ex.
The last thing she needs is a breakup close to a holiday or special
event in her/your lives. One this they suggest is lying, but I
wouldn?t consider their example that. There?s a huge difference
between?
 ?I?m no longer feeling this relationship, and I feel it?s time for me
to move on? and ?I found another girl who I like more so I?m leaving.?
Both are true, one is just much more polite and considerate of her
feelings.

Make sure you do the breakup within a time period, AKA before an
?appointment? that you have (or may not) so that you have an out to
avoid any dramatic scenes or things that may occur. Basically, give
yourself an out.

Also, make sure you schedule the moving of your stuff out of any
shared living areas while she will not be at home. Don?t let her
suffer through watching you leave. Find a few buddies, get it done
while she?s out, and don?t make it any harder than it has to be.

Google Search:

How to Breakup
://www.google.com/search?num=100&hl=en&lr=&safe=off&c2coff=1&q=how+to+breakup&btnG=Search

Honesty in a Breakup
://www.google.com/search?num=100&hl=en&lr=&safe=off&c2coff=1&q=honesty+in+a+breakup&btnG=Search

Honesty in a Breakup
://www.google.com/search?num=100&hl=en&c2coff=1&safe=off&q=honesty+in+breakups&spell=1

I hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck? If this answer
requires further explanation, please request clarification before
rating it, and I'll be happy to look into this further.

Nenna-GA
Google Answers Researcher

Thankyou very much, the best answer and most detail out of all the
others I had received. I appreciate all your effort and help with
this. Thank you very much x

'tis rather simple my friend. Just continue being an ####hole. 
Your lady with misplaced loyalty will soon get the message.

Now let us be easy on him.  Love works in mysterious ways.  At least
he wishes not to hurt his girlfriend.  I feel for both of you.  The
best gift you can give to your lady, whom you are living with at the
moment, is to be honest.  She deserves at least that much.  Do not
feel you need to be a gentleman-you are not.  Be the real man and
admite what you have done, and what you are going through. I feel your
pain as well-I know you care for her,and must be torned apart as well.
But,the truth would set you both free-at the end only the truth
doesn't hurt; lies and deception would. After all the truth is said
and done, please stand by your ex as long as she would like you to be.
 Just be firm with your intention for being with her.  It happens in
relationship.  You are not an ###hole, and please do not become one by
lying.

I agree with that, and suggest that you think through the scene
carefully:  when you are going to tell her, and then what:  that you
can and do move out immediately, but not leave her having to pay all
the rent, and so on.

I'd suggest that you also anticipate making it a short speech.  As
soon as you start your lead-in, she's going to go on red alert and
listen for only one thing:  what's his message?

And as soon as she catches what the message is, she may not hear much
else.  So you may not get to say more than a dozen words.  Your speech
may be over by the time you get past "Listen, we've got to talk" and
start with "We've been together two years now, and..." or "You mean a
lot to me, Carol, really you do, but..." or "I've been thinking maybe
it's time that we..."  You may not get to say any of the things that
are supposed to keep her from being hurt.  You may not be able to come
off looking sweet no matter what you do.

I also suggest you listen for these words, and if you hear them, just
shut up and give her a hug:

"Oh, thank God."

Archae0pteryx

Do the right thing and tell her the truth....she deserves that at
least. If you go the route you're thinking of taking, you're not only
going to hurt her, but you're going to hurt yourself even more.
Looking back on this whole situation 5 years down the road, you're
going to be so ashamed of yourself for approaching this situation with
so little integrity that you'll be ashamed and unwilling to forgive
yourself for what you did. You can do the right thing because you're a
man of integrity and honor.

Thank you for the wonderful rating! I'm glad I could be of help!

Nenna-GA