hi 
Im looking for a free software bulk emailer tool that allows me to
email a bunch of people on a mailing list but in the 'to' part of the
message actually use their address.For example with the software I
have at present,when I send the email i bcc myself so when the
recipient gets the email their own address isnt in the 'to' section
and sometimes ends up in the bulk folder then gets deleted.
I hope Ive been clear!!

Depends if you want a software/hardware solution.

I've used phplist - a php 'bulk' Emailer that's free.

http://www.phplist.com