how can i help my 2 teenage sons, 15 and 17 who are out of my control?
they are barely passing highschool,all they care about is getting
stoned. they fight with us daily, abusive to both my wife and i.

Hi there tluke-ga,

First of all, some encouragement. I was an out of control teen many
years ago, and I promise we do grow out of it, and in my case, even
apoligize to my Mother. I can offer you a webpage with a ton of good
suggestions to help you out.

I'm also going to offer some personal advice as well. Take the tough
love suggestion a commentor gave you. Set limits, let them find out
their actions have consequences. Call the cops on them if they have
drugs in your home, have them removed if they don't behave. Get
counseling, get help, use the resources your community has. I hated
every second of that stuff, cause my mom did it all to me. I am a much
better person today because of it and the lessons I learned. They may
be VERY mad for a while, and they have the consequences to live with,
but they'll learn limits and come to respect you for them.

Here's that webpage with a ton of suggestions anbd information.
http://www.focusas.com/

Take a deep breath, remember you're in control, read about what you
can do, form a plan, and give them the love (tough if needed) that
they deserve. You sound like a good parent to be so concerned.

If this answer requires further explanation, please request
clarification before rating it, and I'll be happy to look into this
further.
Nenna-GA
Google Answers Researcher

I'm not a Researcher but I AM the mother of two grown well-adjusted adult children.

My two cents? 

Its called "tough love". Throw them out if they refuse to obey your
rules and if they get abusive to you or your wife, call the police.

My son was a horrid child. I put him into foster care with Children's
Services, when he was 9 yrs old, for over a year. When I took him
back, I told him if he does not follow my rules and continued to
misbehave, out he goes.

He has been a wonderful child, teenager and now young adult ever
since. And he RESPECTS me totally!!!

All the best to you,

Steph53

If all they want to do is get stoned, they are addicted to cannabis.
They are also hanging out with other teenagers who reinforce their
attitudes. You might want to consider an involuntary hospitalization
to get a proper appraisal of their medical condition and devise a
plan. As they are heading no where positive now, what can you lose?
Addiction will have long term effects on their health and safety as
well as any potential to be self sufficient. If this is life at 15 and
17 think of 25 and 27 if they get that far.

"Good on you" Steph, congratulations"  I have heard about "tough
love," and appreciate hearing a confirmation that is works.
Thanks,
myoarin

I am the Mum of 4 grown up sons and there was not too much of the
"groan up" stuff as I bought them up to know the Lord. Two of them no
longer go to church but they are lovely adults...well all 4 are of
course! One is a "junior" preacher. Way to go + I agree with the
'tough love' comments.

It is physically impossible to become addicted to cannabis. You may
become comfortable with the state of mind which it gives you, and
prefer the way you feel when stoned to the way you feel when sober,
but that is about as far as it goes.

Some people with schizophrenia are known to smoke cannabis to relieve
the symptoms of their mental disorder, so in that way they could
become psycologically depndant on the drug for their stability, or MS
sufferers may smoke it to relieve physical symptoms. But not smoking
cannabis would never give physical withdrawal symptoms.

I totally disagree with the smoking of Cannabis at the age of 15, and
think 17 is still below the line. However, smoking cannabis can be
something very enjoyable and sociable - many people enjoy a glass of
wine with friends in exactly the same way.

Smoking cannabis too much can and probably will have a negative impact
on their lives, but the risks of smoking cannabis occasionally is
definately no more than the risks of drinking alcohol. As a matter of
fact, there has only been one recorded incident of death from a
cannabis overdose - and that wasn't proven. Death from alcohol
overdose is extremely common in comparison.

My personal advice is this:
Read non-biased sources, and make sure you fully understand the drug.
The three best sources I can think of are: Erowid.org, Wikipedia.org
and TheGoodDrugsGuide.com. These websites make it clear that there are
definately risks to taking any drug (don't forget to include alcohol
when you think of drugs), but as they aren't as biased to either side
of the argument, you are presented with fact rather than opinion.

At 17, you are old enough to make up your own mind - and the worst
thing you can do is force your opinion on your child. However, at 15
your are less able to make un influenced decisions and are more likely
to be influenced by social situations. Maybe you should accept it to a
certain degree, which would give your children trust in you - talk to
them calmly and sensibly about it. Be adult, and don't tell them off.
Remember a discussion and an argument are totally different things.

Once you have reached level ground with your children, explain the
physcological and physical risks to them. Tell your 15 year old that
he is, statistically, much more likely to suffer from mental disorders
later in life if he smokes it at his age. And your 17 year old should
be looking out for him and ensuring he doesn't do it too often.

I can't stress the importance of being un-biased. Remember not to
force your opinion on anyone! The only thing you can rightfully force
people to accept are facts. And, when researching facts, make sure you
aren't looking at any sort of pro-drugs website (as they will just
present the good facts), and not at any government website (as they
will just present the negative facts). Organisations, foundations and
un-biased guides are the best place to trust.

I hope this helps, and I don't mean to sound too one sided in the
argument, but I feel that as parents your instinct is to instantly
make them follow a way of life you have laid out for them. Remember,
everyone's an individual!