How do I find a writer that wants to write about me and my life? My
life is pretty interesting but I never see any novels about people
like me. There's a million stories here at the sausage factory. Some
real dramas, even though nobodies finger ever ended up in some chili,
haha. You wouldn't beleive the politic that can go on in an average
sausage factory like mine too. Also I wold want this writer to know
what I think about life. I am pretty much of a philospher and can tell
you that there is a heck of a lot of reality in a sausage factory.

Ed

Are you the sausage worker I heard about who accidentally backed into
the sausage-grinding machine and got a little behind in his work?

Hahaha pinkfreud, ;D no but I can tell you that you do have to watch
your a** alot.  I heard that one before, there's a million sausage
jokes maybe you can imagine.

Ed

I bet your job is a real grind. Not exactly a picnic in the pork.

Here's a 2 minute video expounding on the virtues of sausage. This man
turns a very ordinary sausage into a talking sausage, very strange...

The cybernetic parrot sausage
http://www.zprod.org/zLab/sausageMovFrame.html

Are sausage makers a violent lot?

http://www.prairieghosts.com/sausage.html
THE SAUSAGE VAT MURDER

http://www.aftenposten.no/english/local/article1000381.ece
Grisly death at sausage factory

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/6977151
Sausage factory owner gets death penalty

HI Edthesausageworker,
You're probably going to tell me to get stuffed, but you don't want a
novelist ("Find novelist to write about me") to write about you.  You
want a hack biographer  - and will probably have to pay him or her a
bunch.
On the other hand, if the stuff you feed him/her is mostly sawdust,
maybe you will need a novelist to give it a little spice.  ;)
Myoarin

Heck myoarin, I'd be happy with a guy that writes pulp horror as long
as he was really intersted in my every day life and what I think about
it. I could tell him anechdotes from work and what me and the guys do
when we hang out and all that. I even wrote a diary about 6 years ago
that might have some good stuff in it, like a day in the life. It
would be cool to see some kind of real life stuff like that in a
paperback at the supermarket. I'm sure lots of people will be
interested if they really know what it is like.

Cynthia the video was a scream.That guy was a nut. 
Czh it takes all kinds. A little of this and a little of that. I don't
think hanging around body parts and guts and stuff all day really
makes you thnk more about vilence than the average tv watcher.

Ed

hey SausageDude
Harsh Reality Check: No-ones gonna suddenly appear and want to write
about your life and and your navel-gazing. Not gonna happen...But
don't despair! Your destiny is still in your hands. Its your life
dude..WRITE IT YOURSELF
...don't try and 'be a writer', just buy a few pads of paper and an HB
pencil and get going...keep a journal, note down the things you hear,
the things you see, describe the people you work with, explain to
yourself on paper how you feel, the way you see things. Don't try and
structure a 'book'..just write every day..even if it's only a snippet
of conversation you overhear on a bus...anything. Do this for at least
five years, re-read it, pull it together It may be a book, it may be a
play, a soap opera, a film script, a comedy series or it might be a
suitcase full of toilet roll. Either way you WILL know which way to
go.
Don't be disheartened because you haven't seen novels about people
like you...Look harder, widen your reading list. In addition to the HB
pencil you might wanna consider writing your own Blog...Find out more.

G'Luck from Phink

here ya' go
http://freelancewrite.about.com/od/needawriteroreditor/

Phinky, you must be new here, but that was a real good comment.

And Eddie, if you start wrting  - a diary again, or the book - and
find that your life is just too much like suasage filling, it may
inspire you to do undertake more interesting activities.  It could be
the beginning a new life.  You might start to see new posibilities for
future chapters and give your own life more content, maybe starting an
affair, or travelling, going to better bars for a change and telling
people that you are writing a book.  People will find that very
interesting and tell you all about themselves, maybe even buy YOU a
drink ...
Go for it!
Myoarin

"....You wouldn't beleive the politic that can go on in an average
sausage factory like mine too. Also I wold want this writer to know
what I think about life. I am pretty much of a philospher and can tell
you that there is a heck of a lot of reality in a sausage factory."

So you are a philosopher in a sausage factory where lots of politics occurs?

"People will sleep better not knowing how their sausage and politics are made."
Otto von Bismarck, German chancellor, 1871-1890

Ooh-hee!  I suddenly got this idea while I was reading CZH's links,
and then when I reread Eddie's question.
Could it be that he doesn't make sausages in his sausage factory, that
it is a metaphor ...?  Naw, that would be too subtle for someone in
that business.
I take it all back.

Who said:  "Politics is like sausage, you don't want to see how they
are made."?  I vote for Ed using a metaphor.

Getting published is difficult, and only becoming harder. Considering
the time and effort involved in putting together a manuscript, it can
be challenging to convince others to take the risk on your idea.

Maybe Lisa can help: <http://writeforlife.com/writing.htm>.

As they say, if you want something done sometimes you have to do it
yourself. Check out this About.com guide to Writing Your
Autobiography: <http://genealogy.about.com/library/authors/ucbishop2a.htm>.

Or were you looking for more the autobiographical novel
<http://www.answers.com/topic/autobiographical-novel>?

There?s also plenty of advice available on just plain novel writing,
like <http://www.steampunk.com/sfch/writing/ckilian/> or
<http://www.peacecorpswriters.org/pages/depts/resources/resour_writers/100daysbook/bk100da.html>.

Of course, the Internet allows anyone to instantly become their own
publisher. Want to get your story out? Try blogging
<http://www.blogger.com/start>.

Hey Edthesausageworker-ga,
Just do it yourself.  Who else could tell what the real flavor of your
work is like?  Ghostwriters can't taste.
Just a tip - after rereading your question -  use your spelling and
grammar software.  Purdue University's "writing Lab" may also be of
help:

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/

;) myoarin

Incidentally, folks  - especially edthesausageworker-ga -  this is a
very opportune time to present a life (or live) story about sausage
making.

I couldn't miss the headline in my local German paper today:  
"The Career of a Little Sausage"
In early summer 1805,  Johann Georg Lahner from Franconia in Germany
presented sausages in his butcher shop in the 7th district of Vienna. 
Since he had served his apprenticeship in Frankfurt, he called them
"Frankfurters", as they still are called in Vienna, although elsewhere
the name Wiener (from Wien, German for Vienna) has since become
common.

What an opportunity, to relate your life and work with the 200th
anniversary of the "frank" or "wiener"!

Hey Ed, I know you aren't looking for a supreme novelist, but I'll
write your book for you.  Whether it's published or not, at least YOU
will have a copy of your life in print, and in the end, i believe
that's all that matters.

Granted you have your own requirements and such, but all I'd need is a
bunch of info from you, a few conversations, and some compensation for
my time.  You probably won't find anyone who'll write it, much less an
actual novelist, but I'd be more than happy as to take this on.  The
way I see it, not only is it a project, but also continued practice to
build upon my technique.

Think it over.
Joshua Hoersten
JHoersten2@gmail.com

Ed, the best thing to do is write your own novel. It's hard work
writing a novel, I'm trying all the time, but I get distracted by all
sorts of crap, because I know that writing a novel is hard hard hard
hard work. If you're thinking about writing and find it difficult this
may be because you think a natural writer would find it easy. Believe
me, they don't. They graft. They get up early. They write even when
they have nothing to say, just for the exercise. Write your own novel,
write in your own voice. Fictionalise a few details then write in your
own character. Divide your novel (this is just a suggestion) into five
parts and cram all your stories into one fantastic week.
The reason why there aren't many novels about sausage factories is to
do with class. Working class people often think they've got nothing
interesting to say. Middle class novelists often write the most
tedious lifeless tomes, but they've got the confidence to do it and
the application. The publishing world is devised to suit them.

Tell us about your world, tell us about the humanity revealed in the
daily lives of the factory hands. If you think geat art can't come
from your won mundane life, think again. Your life, your experience is
as valid as everyone elses and anyone who ever wrote a book.

Here's another suggestion. Start your novel with your email question
then the very next line could be: Take Monday for instance...

Also, novelists have their own things to write about, not other peoples.

Good luck,

David.

David,
That was a very good comment.  You are quite write, it is hard work. 
Sommerset Maughan once told a young writer who was sunning on the
beach at Cannes (or Nice) that one can't just wait for the muse to
come along.  One sits down every morning and writes five pages  (or
was it for five hours?)  no matter what.
I think Eddie lost interest when he realized that his life wasn't full
of the kind of jokes posted.
I am still just trying to find a title, either "Puddle Jumper" or
"Just a row of Puddles".
MyOarIn

I know this isn't meant to be a chat room, but what's your book about
MyOarIn? Puddle Jumper sounds quite good, would make people curious!

Davenorwood,
Thanks for your interest.  Actually I decided that I prefer "Just a
Row of Puddles", which is not just a play on my user name, but also on
my major sport  - Row(ing); Puddles, the eddy left by an oar,
obviously autobiographical, but it will never be, although I am
growing increasing infatuated with the title, each puddle an episode
in my life, as the oarsman/author continues to add new ones and watch
the row of previous ones becoming smaller and smaller and then
disappearing as he distanced himself from them.

But I will let you in on a secret:  this question started as spoof,
obviously one enjoyed by many, and perhaps a bit more at seeing that
this was not apparent to latecomers.  That is not suggesting that
anyone is laughing at you, just enjoying the additional delight that
what seemed obvious to a few was still subtle enough to confuse
others.
So, thank you for your participation.  :-)
Myoarin

PS:  I know, I know!  William Somerset Maugham, with only one M and an M instead
                        of an N..

Hey Ed, two things: To find an inexpensive novelist you can
collaborate with try universities in your area, particularly if they
have a creating writing program. Starving graduate students abound,
and I'll bet they'd prefer earning money slinging words rather than
slinging hash.

Also, you said no one writes novels about sausage workers. Though I'm
not sure whether it came from a novel, Sophia Loren did a cute movie
where she played a sausage worker who came from Italy to the US, and
the trouble this wilfull beauty got into with Customs when she tried
to bring a sausage "made with her own hands!" to her love. I don't
remember the name of the movie, but video store clerks are great
resources in that area. Ciao!

Dear Eddie,
The continuing response to your question suggests that your few lines
demonstrate a naturally facility with the language. You really should
consider writing your own biography.  When people read your question,
they are immediately captured by the subject.  It is like a good
opening paragraph of a novel; it makes them respond without reading
further.  It is almost as good as that famous first line:  "It was a
dark and stormy night ..."  (Some people think that Snoopy wrote that,
but Sparky Schultz borrowed it from somewhere else.)

Yes, you really should write the book yourself.  If you think your own
experience is too limited, you could add some history.  Maybe you
descend from a long line of European sausage makers.  Scriptor-ga
could perhaps discover the links from America to good old Europe. 
Maybe there is even a Romanesque (well, more likely, a Gothic) church
with a stained glass window showing sausage makers.  There is probably
even a patron saint of suasage makers.  Wouldn't it be wonderful if by
chance you had been named after him?!
Myoarin

1. You should write it yoursef.

1. You should write it yourself.
2. You should read "Rivethead" by Ben Hamper. It is an excellent and
funny memoir by a former Detroit auto worker.
2. If you have as much talent as Hamper, consider yourself very very lucky.

Hi Eddie,
Funny coincidence: on my way back upstairs to my computer this
evening, I suddenly recalled your question  - and there it was near
the top after 3 months in the doldrums.  People really want you to
write your novel  - I mean, biography.
That should be autobiography.  I once read an autobiography by a
British officer who was in Middle East during WW I.  Well, the book
was just about his experiences during the war.  Can't remember his
name, just that it was one that could be a first name.  Great story,
what was the name?  Five Columns ... no, 5 Pillars of something.
Maybe his last name will occur to me.  What's that have to do with
this question?  Can't remember that there were any scenes of
butchering in his war experiences.
I'd better stop.  People will think I'm blathering, ... or a blathering ... ;)
Myoarin