What do you think of the below mission statement? After reading the
below statement, what are your thoughts on what Company Y does?

"Company Y will be a leader in providing a starting point for the
intriquing and prohibited elegance of American lifestyles for
customers who aspire and explore new ways of life."

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Clarification of Question by chilebean-ga on 10 Aug 2002 21:51 PDT

yes that was a mispell, intriquing should intriguing

and yes, this makes no sense yet.

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Clarification of Question by chilebean-ga on 10 Aug 2002 22:20 PDT

Ok, here is my mission statement rewrite below:

Company Y is for customers who aspire to the intriguing and brash
elegance present in american lifestyles.

The following applies to this version of the statement:
"Company Y is for customers who aspire to the intriguing and brash
elegance present in american lifestyles. "


Here are some things that are sticking out.  Whether it is good or
bad, I'm not sure.  But, it is not reading smoothly for me.

Aspire:  I don't prefer the use of the word "aspire" here.  The
implication with that choice of word is that the customers are
"wannabes".  They wish, hope, and long to live an "intriguing American
lifestyle", they even work hard to get there, but they have not
arrived.

Brash elegance:  I am unable to discern what you are aiming for with
this particular pairing of words.  Perhaps some internal irony... like
steel breeze, harmonic disonance, or dark sun.  As I read it, "brash"
is a "hard" word and "elegance" is a "soft" word.  This word pairing
gives this reader pause.

Lifestyle and elegance:  These words lead me to think the company has
something to do with fashion or accessories.  Or, perhaps these words
have been used to glamourize a subculture.

Since I am uncertain of it significance, I have left "brash elegance"
in the three proposed re-writes, along with bringing back the words
"explore" and "forbidden" from your first pass.  My sense from taking
in both drafts of the mission statement is that the company is
involved with something "taboo".

However, on the other hand, the company may simply sell perfume.  Or,
perhaps the company sells affordable versions of expensive clothes.

Company Y provides a gateway to the exploration and forbidden intrigue
of American lifestyles of brash elegance.

Company Y promotes the exploration of American lifestyles of brash
elegance and forbidden intrigue.

Company Y provides explorers a guide (map) to the forbidden intrigue
of American lifestyles of brash elegance.


Feel free to ask for a clarification if you need additional
assistance.  If you are able to disclose more information about the
company, I would have more to draw on in any re-writes.

Just a couple of brief comments:

I am puzzled by the phrase "intriquing and prohibited elegance of
American lifestyles." Presumably you mean "intriguing," but in what
way is elegance prohibited in American lifestyles?

I think "customers who aspire to explore new ways of life" would be
better than "customers who aspire and explore new ways of life."

A mission statement ideally is not a pretty-sounding slogan. It should
be clear and specific enough to tell you, on any given day, what you
ought to do, and whether something you're thinking about doing is
within your mission, or outside your mission.

Example: "Company Y uses a Website and a retail location in San Diego
to sell elegant home furnishings which consumers cannot easily find
elsewhere."

The usefulness of such a statement is that you can consult it to find
out if you're about to go off track.

Suppose you discover that you're selling a lot of $400 magazine racks,
and your partner says "Magazines! We're in the magazine business!
Let's start a magazine!"

You can say "Great idea...but it's really not our mission. Let's look
at the mission statement. Magazines are not home furnishings, and they
aren't hard to find. Let's stick to our knitting and not get
distracted."