Greetings! You pose a very interesting question. In researching your
query, I found information on the revelation to a child about a
non-biological parent which I feel fits the same criteria as a
non-biological grandparent.
Parentline Plus, an organization in the United Kingdom, offers this
advice to a question about revealing to a child that a parent is not
their biological parent:
Q: "How do I explain to my child that the man he calls dad is not his
biological father?"
A [in part]: "....It is very likely that your child may find out
somehow, or someone will tell them at some time; hearing it from the
very beginning/an early age is usually preferable and easier. Growing
up knowing makes the knowledge less dramatic and the young person is
more likely to accept that that’s the way it is."
I believe gentle honesty is the way to relate the news wheter you
choose to tell the child or the child asks, and the answer quoted
above also states "you [the parent]need to ask yourself a number of
questions before deciding what to do." It goes on to state the things
to consider will vary depending on the circumstances and the age of
the child/young person, the parent's own needs and feelings concerning
what has happened to prompt the parent to ask this question, what a
partner/husband/wife thinks and feels and if are there legal issues to
consider.
"If you don’t tell your child," states the answer, "somebody else,
sometime, probably will, or they will find out some way."
I think the answer to your question will be easier for you to
determine when you decide how important it is to you that the child's
grandparent is non-biological. If it is disturbing to you, you may
convey that disturbance to your child. However, if it is not
disturbing to you, chances are your child will be fine with it because
you accept the grandparent. Children mimic their parents emotions so
it you accept the grandparent, so will your child. Ultimately, love
from a grandparent to a grandchild is simply love, no matter if DNA is
involved or not.
You might contact Parentine Plus or some of the other organizations I
have listed below and pose the question to a more qualified expert.
Basically, the answer to your question is to do what you feel is best
emotionally for the child. And I will add that, as many people as I
have known in my life, I have never heard any type of remark from any
of them about "having a shock to discover my grandmother wasn't really
my grandmother." News of any kind, when imparted with love and
understanding, is always well-received by all ages of humans.
You question phrase "and what matter" I am interpreting as "in what
manner." On this point, I believe that would be a choice you should
make if your child has not expressed anything about it. If you choose
to tell the child before he/she discovers it, you might tell a story
about how Grammy met Papa, if you are privy to the circumstances. Be
upbeat and positive and tell the child something like, "Aren't we
lucky to have Grammy as a member of our family?" or "out of all the
families of which Grammy could have been a part, she chose our
family!"
It's difficult to really relate this type of information, and I hope
you understand what I mean. Also, keep in mind that the bigger a deal
you make of it, the bigger a deal the child will make of it. If you
choose not to bring it up and your child later inquires, just be
matter-of-fact and honest. Whatever the case, you will choose love
with which to relate the information, and the child will feel your
love.
SEARCH TERMS AND LINKS:
revealing grandparent not biological [Google search]
://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=ISO-8859-1&q=revealing+grandparent+not+biological
Parentine Plus - Parents - Commonly Asked Questions
http://www.parentlineplus.org.uk/data/parents/div_faqs.htm
parenting advice [Google search]
://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&ie=ISO-8859-1&q=parenting+advice
Practical Parent
www.practicalparent.org.uk
Parent Soup
www.parentsoup.com |
