http://66.102.7.104/search?q=cache:EkmywvINfQ4J:theknot.com/co_mbmaink2kpost.htm%3FObject%3D1099420611233108+%22insufficient+funds%22+gift+bounce+check&hl=en&client=firefox-a
contains a lengthy discussion of how to respond to a cousin who wrote
a bad check that was returned unpaid (check bounced, insufficient funds,
etc.)

The cousin in question is alleged by another cousin to have written bad
checks on a number of occasions, and there is uncertainty over whether
the check writer's fiancé (whose name is on the check!) knows about
the writer's financial miscues. The cousin is the recipients' age,
with a 4-year old daughter. They live in the same town as the parents
of one of the recipients. The recipient and the cousin are not close,
but see each other 2-4 times per year (including the cousin's wedding
in two months!)

I agree that good etiquette advice is to say something to the would-be
gift-giver and/or fiancé, but how?

1) Email, snail mail, a phone call?

2) Should a thank-you note be sent for the unpaid check? What should it say?
   It was great to see you at the wedding, thanks for the thoughtful check

3) Should they be combined, or one performed before the other?
   It might be bad to return the check in the mail first, then follow it
up with a thank you note of any kind.

Thank you very much for your time in reading and responding to this
difficult question. It is easy to be understanding of the many
possible reasons for having a check returned, and your answer will be
most helpful in being as gracious as possible.

Hello bluerhino-ga,

Thank you for accepting my comment as the answer. I agree with you
that there is an etiquette question here. I'm suggesting that the
recipient of the check needs to get more information in order to know
what etiquette rules to apply.

My take on the situation was that there has been a lot of gossip and
commentary by people who know the parties involved. This kind of
gossip is not conducive to maintaining good relationships. My
experience has shown me that facing reality and telling the truth (to
myself and to others) greatly simplifies things.

I also think it's important to resolve issues for myself when I have a
conflict or misunderstanding with someone instead of dragging in
others or inviting their commentary.

In this situation, the person receiving the gift was probably
surprised and hurt when the check bounced. It is tempting to jump to
conclusions about the giver and to complain to others and place blame
without knowing all the facts.

Simply asking the giver about the bounced check as soon as the
insufficient funds are discovered gives them a chance to rectify the
situation. Maybe they were relying on the "float" expecting that they
were going to make a deposit before the check cleared. There were some
recent changes in how checks are processed and people who haven't
heard about this change may not realize that checks clear much more
quickly now than they used to.

http://www.betterbudgeting.com/articles/creditwise/check21.htm
Without the Check Float, Some Consumers May Sink

http://www.enterprisestorageforum.com/industrynews/article.php/3414351
Digital Image Act Spells End of Check 'Float'
September 29, 2004

The check giver could also have simply made an arithmetic error and
had an incorrect balance in their checkbook. I would give them the
benefit of the doubt and assume that they didn't mean to write me a
bad check. If it was inadvertant, just think how mortified they might
be when the bounced check comes to their attention.

If the question is handled in a routine and matter-of-fact way, the
giver can save face and the recipient will get the gift. There is no
need to have anyone else participate in resolving the situation. Once
that's done, the etiquette question is simple -- give thanks for the
gift received.

I appreciate your response to my comments and I hope everything will
be resolved easily without ill feelings.

All the best.

~ czh ~

czh quickly found an excellent solution, and went the extra mile to
provide research and insight to the first, satisfactory comment. Thank
you.

I would ignore it.  Any other response of any kind would only increase
the embarrassment.  For example:

Thanks for the thought but you just cost me a fee for your bad check...

Thanks for the thought but you are apparently either too poor or
disorganized to use a checking account.  Please send cash...

Thanks for the bad check.  It's a crime to pass them like this but it
will make a good story...

You could also sue to collect on the check but that's a bit forward.

Good luck.

Thanks for the opinions. FYI, it was a $1.50 fee from the bank for the
'insufficient funds'. The check was for $150.

Because this is not the first transgression (allegedly), some
embarrassment may help to stop the practice. Especially if the
possibly ignorant spouse is informed first.

Delicately applied pressure may be just the solution to help this from
happening again. A thank you card noting the intent may be enough of a
positive to enforce the negative impact that could come from later
alerting fiancé and/or cousin.

Sure the wording of any response could be interpreted to mean one of
the three responses you suggest, but if they take that low road, we
would be best served to word it as politely as possible. I am not
sure, but I believe that a response of some kind is a good thing, and
I am looking for a stronger justification either way. The final
proposal to sue is a cynical attempt at levity, right?

Thanks again.

I don't think this is an etiquette question. This is a question of
clearing up some information about a financial transaction.

Here is what I understand about the facts:
 -- A wedding present in the form of a check for $150 was sent to a cousin.
 -- The check bounced.
 -- The check has two names on it, i.e., the cousin's fiance's name is
also on the check.

You would like to know what the recipient of the check should do.

My suggestion is that all of the extraneous, judgmental and
interpretative questions be put aside until the facts can be
clarified. The recipient of the check should call up the person who
wrote the check and inform the writer of the check that the check was
returned for insuffiecient funds. This should be done with complete
detachment and no judgment or accusations. I would assume that the
check writer wanted to give the present and somehow slipped up on
making sufficient deposits.

I would ask if I could now deposit the check or how long I should hold
it. I would give the benefit of doubt to the gift giver. Once the
check cleared, I would send a gracious thank you note. All other
gossip and sharing of information with anyone else is inappropriate
and irrelevant.

Excellent response. Thank you.

I disagree, this feels like an etiquette question. How does one
interact with another after a bounced check? Perhaps the writer should
contact the recipient immediately upon notification from the bank. In
this case, maybe the bank has not performed its duty. Regardless of
those actions, I agree that judgement should be avoided, and a simple
phone call will suffice.

And I apologize for not getting more complete information. The cousin
wrote the check in the fiancé's name, and the fiancé signed it. The
fiancé will be contacted, but the call could also be placed to the
cousin.

Your advice will be followed. Please post as an answer to receive payment & tip.

Thanks again.

There is something unclear  - to me, at least.
The cousin filled in the check (date, beneficiary, amount) and the
fiance signed it, a check on her personal account.  Is that correct?
Or do they have a joint account?  But why would he have his fiance sign the check?

Since the fiance signed the check, I would consider mailing the
returned check to her (addressed to her name) with a note thanking for
the "well-meant" intention.
One could leave it at that, letting her make her assumptions, or add a
few words about the impression that the situation has created.

If the wedding is still two months away, will this create a problem?
So be iz, if that is the case.  The fiance should know what she may be getting into.

myoarin-ga-
I should have been more clear in my post and two comments:
-The check (and wedding congratulations card) came from the couple,
but only the fiancé's name is on the check, it is not a joint account.

-Gender should not have been specified (I tried to be vague), it could
have been 'his' or 'her' personal check. My intention was to keep this
as private as possible, I even created another -ga account!

-The gift check was for a past wedding, and the cousin and fiancé are
to be married in two months.

Resolution should have been a lot simpler (call the couple's house
phone), but was made more complex when the third cousin shared the
'gossip'.

Bluerhino,
thanks for the clarification.  So it was a check on the fiance's
account, who will also get notice that it bounced  - if he or she
checks the statements him/herself.
I hope the check wasn't signed before the amount was filled in  - that
is, hope the couple in not lax in such matters, especially if one is
misleading the other in financial matters.

From my point of view, the "loss" of the gift is much less important
than what's going on between the cousin and fiance.  It is often said
that the first argument in a marriage is about money...
'nuf said, Myoarin

bluerhino-ga,

Thank you very much for your gracious feedback, the five stars and
very generous tip.

~ czh ~

The 1.50 returned check is low enough so money is not a factor.   If
they are going around telling everyone how they gave this give and at
that, then you can reply in various ways.  But if they have good
intentions,  then you might take the responsibility of accepting a
check ( after-all you make a decision before accepting checks from
people).  Now that YOU are responsible (and by default dealing with
one person, yourself), you might politely mention at a later time that
you did not deposit the check in a timely manner and when you finally
did, it did not go through.  Probably when you balanced your book,
after a while just added in the extra money.  But I mention it because
I want to return the check so you can have a original record of  which
checks have cleared.  Next time I will promptly deposit any check you
give me.