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Q: Do I want to be in the relationship ( Answered 5 out of 5 stars,   3 Comments )
Subject: Do I want to be in the relationship
Category: Relationships and Society > Relationships
Asked by: stnew1234-ga
List Price: $20.00
Posted: 09 Jul 2005 15:17 PDT
Expires: 08 Aug 2005 15:17 PDT
Question ID: 541637
I have a question about the relationship I am currently in. I am a 21
years old university student and have been dating a girl for almost 3
weeks now, however I am not sure of what I feel towards her. This is
my first relationship. I actually initiated the dating  - we went to
the end of year ball and then asked her to see the her the week after.
I met her next week and went out for a coffee, however I felt quite
uncomfortable and wanted to leave, nevertheless I decided to give it
another try. We met a couple of time after that, and I felt similar
during most of them. However I went to her flat for a cup of tea and
it  felt much better so I asked her out. After that my feeling were
mixed - I never felt 'crazy' love about her but I do want to see her
and quite often its quite fun. I spoke to her about this and she
reckons that we should go out and give it a try and she thinks it
pretty normal to not have these feelings all the time for the other
I feel like she is a good friend, however at times I feel that she
could put more effort into looking better (I know it is silly because
she is quite good looking). She is also very carrier oriented and at
the moment quite concerned about looking for a job. I feel that at the
moment she needs a lot of support which I try my best to give.
I want to have sex with her however she told me that she is not yet
ready and at times i feel that it will never happen.
To summarize: At times I feel that I am forcing myself to stay in the
relationship which I am not sure I want to stay in, however it has
good moments.

My question is - should I continue trying or should I move on or maybe
there is something else I could do?
Subject: Re: Do I want to be in the relationship
Answered By: tutuzdad-ga on 09 Jul 2005 16:04 PDT
Rated:5 out of 5 stars
Dear stnew1234-ga;

Well, since you are seeking an opinion I?ll be happy to give you one
based on what little I know about your situation and the first
impression your explanation has given me:

First, whether you realize it or not, you are very young. The whole
world is ahead of you and there?s no need to be as impatient as you
are about this relationship (especially where sex is concerned). Chill
out. If it happens it happens, and if it doesn?t, it probably wasn?t
meant to be. Enjoy the company, hold hands, see places, and talk about
the mundane things and the issues of the day. Millions of lonely
people only wish they could.

Secondly, you seem to be sabotaging your own relationship. There?s no
rush to get married for Pete?s sake. Have a close friend and enjoy
her. If it becomes love then love it shall eventually be. Until then,
you admittedly ?WANT to see her? and consider much of your time
together ?QUITE fun? (your words, not mine, are much more telling).
What more could you want from her? Sex? Well, here?s a wakeup call my
friend, you will probably have more than enough sex in your life to
satisfy the normal urges so there?s no urgency to make sex mandatory
in THIS particular woman only three weeks into a relationship.

Thirdly, perhaps this young lady would be a bit more attentive to her
beauty if she felt secure in the notion that you were not after her
solely because of it. Don?t get me wrong, I?m not suggesting you are
that superficial, but she may in fact be subconsciously protecting
herself from your intentional or subliminal advances so early into
this relationship by keeping some of her external beauty (looks,
hygiene, dress, etc) and internal beauty (heart, personality,
inhibition, etc) in check.

I wholeheartedly recommend that you continue on with the relationship
as long as you continue to enjoy it and continue to believe that SHE
enjoys and welcomes it. Give up this notion about love and sex for the
time being and show some old-fashioned, mature male discipline ? just
BE FRIENDS with her. That?s what she WANTS and, as it turns out, she
may even begin to love you for it. Life will always have its good
moments and bad moments. If it didn?t we?d all be walking around with
smiley faces like a bunch of lunatics, wouldn?t we?

The main thing is to be HONEST and OPEN, GENTLE and FAIR with her. Be
friends first because friends can often talk candidly where lovers
cannot. In the end, you may not walk away with a lover or a wife, but
you will maintain your dignity as a man. As I mentioned earlier you
are young, and issues like dignity and integrity will be foremost in
your mind 20-25 years from now when you look in the mirror and sort
the good from the bad.

You seem like an intelligent fellow who already KNOWS right from
wrong. Follow your conscience - I get the impression it is a smart

I wish you the best of luck in love and friendship.

I hope you find that my answer exceeds your expectations. If you have
any questions about my research please post a clarification request
prior to rating the answer. Otherwise, I welcome your rating and your
final comments and I look forward to working with you again in the
near future. Thank you for bringing your question to us.

Best regards;
Tutuzdad ? Google Answers Researcher
stnew1234-ga rated this answer:5 out of 5 stars and gave an additional tip of: $1.00
Thanks a lot, I needed that....

Subject: Re: Do I want to be in the relationship
From: sultanarun-ga on 18 Jul 2005 10:35 PDT
Dear tutuzdad-ga
Thank You very much. That was a great piece of advice for me too. 

>there?s no need to be as impatient
>you will maintain your dignity as a man
>HONEST and OPEN, GENTLE and FAIR with her 

thank you very much indeed for the touching ones :)
thank you tutuzdad
Subject: Re: Do I want to be in the relationship
From: tutuzdad-ga on 18 Jul 2005 12:37 PDT
"Two birds with one stone"

You're quite welcome.

Subject: Re: Do I want to be in the relationship
From: thegreycell-ga on 24 Oct 2005 17:21 PDT
Hi There

You know most of us are aware of the wrong and right, its just the
moment in our life which makes it realise is the moment which makes
our life....worthwhile...

so gr8 reply from the gr8 philosopher...

nice to read...


muky :)

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