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Q: Asking out the coffee shop girl ( No Answer,   11 Comments )
Subject: Asking out the coffee shop girl
Category: Relationships and Society > Romance
Asked by: rleatham-ga
List Price: $2.00
Posted: 31 Jul 2005 20:17 PDT
Expires: 30 Aug 2005 20:17 PDT
Question ID: 550269
I'm looking for a creative way to ask out a girl who works at a coffee
shop.  I go there frequently so we know each other?s names, but not
much more.  She's Australian, which is unique, and seems genuinely
happy to see me whenever I come in.  I get pretty timid when it comes
to asking girls out, and I don't want to do anything that will make me
feel uncomfortable coming back in to the shop if I get rejected.  Any
guidance would be greatly appreciated.

Request for Question Clarification by nenna-ga on 03 Aug 2005 14:00 PDT
Do you know of any mutual interests of yours and hers? Do you know of
anything she is interested in by her personality, things she's said?
If you give me as many details as you have, maybe I can help you?

There is no answer at this time.

Subject: Re: Asking out the coffee shop girl
From: adiloren-ga on 31 Jul 2005 22:51 PDT
Be yourself- tell her that she seems interesting and you want to get
to know her better. Don't try to be too cool or clever and don't ask
her if she wants to get a cup of coffee!

Good luck!

Mike Cameron: I don't know you very well, you know, but I wanted to
ask you - how'd you get Diane Court to go out with you?
Lloyd Dobler: I called her up.
Mike Cameron: But how come it worked? I mean, like, what are you?
Lloyd Dobler: I'm Lloyd Dobler.
Mike Cameron: This is great. This gives me hope! Thanks!
Subject: Re: Asking out the coffee shop girl
From: bitmaven-ga on 01 Aug 2005 01:01 PDT
Ah Love... ;) 

The best way to approach it, is to have a specific date place in mind
(as all of the experts tend to reccomend).  A group setting is always
good for a first date.  My personal favorite, is to ask someone you're
interested in to a party that you, or a friend are having.  It tends
to be much more likely to yield a yes answer (read:  Its safe) than 
"Would you like to go out sometime?"  ever will.

Even better, if you go there often, try to strike up a general convo
with her.  Ask her what she likes to do.  Tell her about something you
did, to see if she shares the interest.  It's always easier to ask a
prospective interest, "Hey, there's a Thievery Corporation concert on
Friday, would you like to go?" when she likes 'em, as opposed to if
she thinks they're lousy.

As a wise friend of mine said, 

"Remember, girls are people too."  

Good luck!

Subject: Re: Asking out the coffee shop girl
From: journalist-ga on 01 Aug 2005 07:54 PDT
Greetings Rleatham,

Definitely a group gathering, or a daytime excursion to a park,
museum, etc. (where there is a crowd) is perfect for a first date. 
Having a daytime date removes a lot of tension that the date could
wind up in sexual mode, and many women view daytime dates as safe -
also, with a daytime date, it's a great way to get to know her sans
any alcoholic beverages.  If you genuinely like her, take her on a
daytime adventure where you two can communicate freely and soberly,
and get to know each other in a non-threatening atmosphere.

Best regards,
Subject: Re: Asking out the coffee shop girl
From: frde-ga on 02 Aug 2005 06:07 PDT
She's Australian, which is unique, and seems genuinely
happy to see me whenever I come in.  

Australian girls are not unique, loads of them about
- generally pretty nice

Just talk to her
- if she is not interested then nothing will happen
- but if she is interested she'll make a move

The female of the species is far deadlier than the male.
Subject: Re: Asking out the coffee shop girl
From: ale1964-ga on 21 Aug 2005 06:21 PDT
Find out when your waitress, or store clerk, or other working girl is
on shift. Go to your local florist and get a nice bouquet of
wildflowers and such made up. Don't go for a dozen red roses; that is
way too heavy.
Write on the card, "To (Her name), from your secret admirer."
Then have a buddy deliver it on or before her shift. If you can't get
a buddy to do it, try to talk a passerby into doing it. People usually
enjoy helping out when it is a matter of love. Corny, ain't it?

Wait a few days, before you go for the piece de resistance. Go to your
local T-shirt store, and have them make up a T-shirt. It should say,
"I AM YOUR SECRET ADMIRER." Put this shirt on under a button up shirt
or jacket, and then walk in on your honey pie's shift. Waltz up to
her, tap her on the shoulder, and open your shirt or jacket.
Now, that will make an impression. You were clever, different, unique,
and went to all that trouble just for her. (Never mind that you only
have to pay for the shirt once, but can use it over and over again.
Just make sure it stays clean, so it doesn't look used - that will
really blow it for you!) After she gets through hugging you, or even
kissing you, tell her you'd like to see her, and you're willing to go
to some effort to do it, and then some. Then ask her out. If she's got
any smarts and heart at all, she'll go for it. This is a great, fun
method, and it really works like a charm!
Subject: Re: Asking out the coffee shop girl
From: myoarin-ga on 21 Aug 2005 15:32 PDT
Have you talked to her yet?
The previous comment doesn't sound to me like something for a somewhat
timid person, but the idea of the flowers could be used.  A simple
handful of what could be garden-picked:  you go in the place and ask
with your order for a glass of water for your flowers.  She will
wonder about whom they are for.  IF she asks, you can admit that they
are really for her.  If she doesn't ask, when you've finished your
coffee, you can either
1) tell her that the flowers are for her,  OR
2)just leave them on the table or on the counter when you pay: 
2a) maybe she will then remind you of them and you can say that they
are for her  - or just say that she can have them.  She will like
that, maybe wonder at your somewhat bashful approach, but that doesn't
matter.  OR
2b) she doesn't notice or say anything, and you just leave the flowers behind.
A day or two later when you return, if she is at all interested, she
will mention the flowers, and you can take it from there, OR
If she doesn't mention them, you can ask about them, saying that you
forgot them.  That will arouse her curiousity:  guys with flowers
usually have them for a girl, but forgetting them ...?  Hopefully then
she will remember them and say something positive, and you can then
take it from there.

All a bit long-winded.  It is really just getting some flowers and
letting her give you a glass (flowers small enough to fit), and seeing
what happens.  :)

Subject: Re: Asking out the coffee shop girl
From: missy-ga on 22 Aug 2005 18:27 PDT
Hi there!

It looks like I'm going to be the lone dissenting voice, here.  If you
like going to that shop and like talking to her, don't ask her out. 
Just keep talking to her in a friendly fashion, and let her make the
first move.

Speaking as a former waitress, I did NOT appreciate it when customers
either flat out asked me out or went about any of the "cute" methods
listed above.    It upset the dynamic of our already established
relationship - I'm the server, he's the customer; it's my job to treat
him nicely and make him happy.  The balance of power is already tipped
and while you may not be aware of it - or even want it to be that way
- the girl is at a disadvantage in this situation.

If he's regular, I *am* going to be genuinely happy to see him,
because I know what to expect from him, I know he's not going to be
rude to me or neglect to leave a tip, and if he's a nice chap, my
shift wil feel like it's going a little faster when I'm taking care of
him.  He makes my job a little nicer, a little more fun.  That doesn't
mean a romantic advance would be welcome.

Most service personnel do not like being "picked up" at their place of
employment, because customers often feel that they are entitled to a
"yes" answer.  (Please understand that I'm not accusing you of this
attitude, merely pointing out that it's prevalent and makes service
people skittish.)  It also tends to upset bosses, co-workers and other
customers if you're perceived as a distraction, and if someone
complains, she could be reprimanded.

If you're intent on going out with this girl, proceed with extreme
caution, lest you end up the subject of one of the many "OMG, this
customer is STALKING ME!" stories on one of the many "Customers Suck"
communities about.  You seem like a nice fella - admittedly, I'm a
softie for shy guys - and I'd hate to see you get shot down AND lose
your favorite coffee spot.

Subject: Re: Asking out the coffee shop girl
From: aneelindia-ga on 21 Dec 2005 23:01 PST
Go step by step if you are not a risk taker
1. Create a email id (secret admirer)
2. Send a nice card (paper not ecard) saying - I like you, but don't
know how you going to react. Hey drop me a mail (
3. Wait for couple of days for email, will start ur communication. If
she does not drop email, send 2 flowers (white and red rose) saying I
dont know what in your heart but my in full of love like this rose.
waiting for ur email
4. Once communication start try to know what she likes, she will
insists on knowing u. Ask her for 3 guess and if ur in, means she is
5. Wait for special day - her day off, birthday, ur birthday, etc and
send her card to meet at particular location by someone, arrange in
such a way that u will be in restuarent looking at her expression to
know if she is intrested.
6. Go to place an 1/2 hr ago with best looking, hide urself so u can
look her while coming and see her reaction, if she is intrested.
7. Meet her and open ur heart.

Subject: Re: Asking out the coffee shop girl
From: dano2l-ga on 17 Jan 2006 22:57 PST
Don't do any of the anonymous stuff.  You'll either freak her out or
tick her off.  That only works in the movies.  Personally, I'd never
ask out a server.  If you think she's cute, so do 50 other customers,
30 of which probably already hit on her that day.

Your best bet is to slowly build up your conversations and see what
comes out of that.

You asked the question in June.  What happened?
Subject: Re: Asking out the coffee shop girl
From: 74n0va-ga on 05 Feb 2006 23:31 PST
Just ask her out!!!! Dont be friendly for years because its a known
fact women like it when the guys approach them!!, Just ask her out.
walk up to her and ask if she be intrested in going out sometime.
Thats it, dont have to make a scene or anything, trust me she'll
probley get kind of nervous and will not know what to say and will
probley stutter for a second and will have no choice but to say yes, I
use to ask "how should i ask her out" then i firgured it out, its
simple JUST ASK HER OUT need to think how your going to do
it just do it.

YOU: Hey there again, ill have the usual (or order)

Coffe shop girl: Hey blahh blahh blahh

YOU: ok well see you later then stop turn around nice and smooth smile
and say "Hey by anychance would you like to go out sometime"

Coffe shop girl: hehehe...umm sure ok....

You: what time do you get off work

Coffe shop girl: Around 4:30pm....

You: How about dinner tonight around say 6:00 o clock? (or where every
you want to take her)

COffe shop girl: hehehe ok sure

You: Can I get your number and ill call you around 5:30

Coffe shop girl: Ok hehehe here it is

BAM! thats all it takes! this can all go to disaster if she has a boyfriend

trust me it telling you

and FLIRT allitle bit to if you want to throw some hints accouple of
days before this small o deal...I always found out that smiling and
straing at her in the eyes (not creepy) can really give her a hint and
when your walking away turn around and glance at her and smile...and
100 bucks says if she's single shell give you the flirty smile
back....thats also a good way to pop the question just walk right over
there after she gives u the smile and pop the question

Just grab ur jewels it aint hard buddy!

I got faith in you

That right there tells you
Subject: Re: Asking out the coffee shop girl
From: kristobel-ga on 15 Apr 2006 14:42 PDT
I'm not going to offer advice since undoubtedly something has happened
in the 9 months since you've posted (what happened?), but I want to
say thanks for everyone's responses; they've been helpful for me. I
did a search because because I'm in a similar situation with the girl
that works at the coffee shop that just opened next to my office.
Fortunately I have a friend that works with her and he's sort of doing
reconnaissance. ;)

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