Hi there,
This is a very tricky subject. I saw something on Fox News a while
back about sexual harassment amongst schoolkids, and it looks like in
the future asking someone for a date will be impossible to do without
a small chance of legal repercussions. One day people might even ask
for dates via lawyers... "my client, Bob Smith, without any
supposition of answer, unrelated in any way to your seniority,
sexuality, prior relationships, moral standards or attire worn,
respectfully requests a meeting involving dinner and conversation,
with no implication of anything further..."
Legally and morally the definition hinges on the word "unwanted".
Anything that occurs at work, which is even vaguely sexual in nature,
that is unwanted by the person receiving it, is harassment. If you
tell a dirty joke to someone, and they don't laugh, that is an
indication that further joking is unwanted. Likewise with dates - ask
them once, and if they say no, do not ask again.
Morally, any relationship at work that involves a third party is
asking for trouble, and unfair on fellow employees. The moment someone
is obviously having an extra-marital affair, or someone witnesses
their ex-partner having a new workplace relationship, the atmosphere
can become uncomfortable for everyone. I was unfortunate enough to
work for a married couple who went through a divorce while still
working together, and it caused me a great deal of stress.
Being asked for a date might involve some level of intimidation, or
reading between the lines - it is a classic sexual harassment case
where someone felt they should accept the date to avoid any negative
repercussions, without having anything factual to base those fears on.
Gut feelings and instinct aren't very factual, but could still have
some validity in a court case. Be very aware that without being
obvious, the co-worker might have felt they had to say yes to your
dating offer. The more you know the person prior to asking, the better
you can understand how they might feel.
WHAT IS SEXUAL HARASSMENT?
=========================
"It is a federal and state crime legally defined as:
Actual or attempted rape or sexual assault
Unwanted pressure for sexual favors
Unwanted deliberate touching, leaning over, cornering or pinching
Unwanted sexually suggestive looks or gestures
Unwanted letters, phone calls or materials of a sexual nature
Unwanted pressure for dates
Unwanted sexual teasing, jokes, remarks or questions"
( from the Screen Actors Guild website )
http://www.sag.org/harassment.html
An excellent list page of definitions can be found at the California
Air Resources Board Sexual Harassment Policy, some of which I list
here:
The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission defines sexual harassment
as follows: "Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors,
and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature constitute
sexual harassment when submission to or rejection of this conduct
explicitly or implicitly affects an individual's employment,
unreasonably interferes with an individual's work performance or
creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment."
Written: Sexually suggestive or obscene letters, notes, or
invitations.
Verbal: Sexually derogatory comments, slurs, jokes, remarks or
epithets. It is not necessary to use graphic or sexually explicit
language to verbally harass someone. Otherwise benign language, spoken
in a suggestive tone of voice or accompanied by visual or physical
harassment, can also be considered sexual harassment.
Visual: Leering, looking someone "up and down," making sexual
gestures, displaying sexually suggestive objects, pictures, cartoons,
or posters.
Physical: Touching, impeding or blocking movement, rape and attempted
rape. Common physical gestures like hugging or other physical contact
can be improper when taken in context with other comments and/or
behaviors.
Repeatedly asking an employee for a date, "hanging around" an employee
with no legitimate work related reason, or pursuing an employee in or
out of the workplace can cause a hostile work environment, affecting
the employee's job performance. If the behavior is unwelcome, this IS
sexual harassment, even if no job benefit is lost, and even if there
is no superior/subordinate relationship involved.
http://www.arb.ca.gov/as/eeo/shpolicy.htm
HOW TO DATE CO-WORKERS
======================
A well written article (even though it lacks references) on the best
way to date a co-worker offers these comments:
"Some employers have become so paranoid about potential sexual
harassment lawsuits that they have tried to interfere in the personal
lives of dating employees. And some employees have become so paranoid
about being accused of sexual harassment that they have avoided asking
a co-worker out on a date, or left their jobs prior to starting a
romantic relationship with a coworker."
"Do not repeatedly ask the same co-worker out for a date. If the
co-worker you are interested in tells you that he/she is not
interested in going out with you, do not continue to ask him/her out
on a date."
"Develop an office relationship before you develop a romantic
relationship. Take the time to learn as much as you can about the
co-worker whom you are planning to date. Is he or she related to the
boss? Is he or she already in a relationship? Is the co-worker prone
to gossip and tells his/her personal life to anyone who will listen?
After you develop an office relationship; ask him/her out for a
business lunch date prior to a real date. A business lunch will help
you judge if asking the coworker out for a romantic date is a good
idea."
"If your dating relationship ends on a sour note, you will still have
to work with the co-worker... Agree not to flirt at work... Develop
open communication..."
( all from "For Employer & Employee: Sex Without Sexual Harassment",
by Gary Vikesland )
http://www.employer-employee.com/dating.html
Tips For Successfully Dating At The Workplace
1. Make sure your work is getting done and done well. It if shows that
your office romance is affecting your work, chances are you may either
be asked to end your romance or find another job.
2. Don't date everyone in your office. It isn't a dating pool to
select from.
3. Avoid dating someone in a higher or lower position then you. Most
rumors start that way and it can also cause problems for you in the
future with favoritism issues.
4. Absolutely no public displays of affection (PDA) at work. If you
must, take a lunch break together and go somewhere where the chances
of running into someone from work are slim.
5. Make sure your relationship will in no way affect your salary or
movement within your company.
6. Never, have or bring fights to work. When you start your
relationship, make a vow to never bring an argument to work. Deal with
it after work hours (not during a lunch break either!).
7. Don't listen to office rumors about your relationship and don't
give any reason to start them.
8. Agree in the beginning of the relationship on how you're going to
handle a potential break up. Avoid, at any cost, a messy break up. It
isn't just you and your partner that are involved, it's your entire
office and the future of that company's dating policy.
http://www.adviceline.com/articles/dating.articles.shtml?ART=officeromance
A smart idea for when a romance has just begun is a "dating contract",
a three-way contract between the parties to the relationship and the
employer, which contains:
- an acknowledgement that the parties have commenced a relationship
consensually without any pressure or coercion from either side and
that the relationship is not contrary to the employer's sexual
harassment policy;
-disclosure by each party that the relationship exists;
-an acknowledgement that the employees will maintain confidentiality;
-an acknowledgement that the employees must maintain the
professionalism of the office and conduct themselves discreetly,
without any overt demonstrations of affection in the office; -and an
outline of the process the parties are required to undertake to report
any complaint of harassment or conflict outside the realm of an equal,
two-way relationship.
( written by By Norman Grosman, Senior Partner, Grosman, Grosman &
Gale - Employment Lawyers )
http://globeandmail.workopolis.com/servlet/News/rprinter/20001214/ls20001214
Finally, if you have the opportunity, watch some re-runs of Ally
McBeal - they seem to have covered almost every possible permutation
of sexual harassment in the workplace.
Keywords used:
"for a date" "sexual harassment" workplace
://www.google.com/search?q=%22for+a+date%22+%22sexual+harassment%22+workplace&num=30
I trust this answers your question. If any portion of my answer is
unclear, please ask for clarification.
Best wishes,
robertskelton-ga |
