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Q: did I scare him away? ( Answered 5 out of 5 stars,   4 Comments )
Subject: did I scare him away?
Category: Relationships and Society > Relationships
Asked by: kittykrazy-ga
List Price: $2.00
Posted: 24 Sep 2005 20:13 PDT
Expires: 24 Oct 2005 20:13 PDT
Question ID: 572231
After 3 dates I asked him if "this was just a casual sex thing"Of
course he was a little surprised by this.He said he wasn't looking for
anything"hot and heavy" Then
called him 2 days his voice mail and left this crazy,
silly message saying I was sorry for asking that so soon..Does he
think I'm a freak? Or will he think i'm cute and call me soon???? Its
been 2 days ang I haven't heard from him

Clarification of Question by kittykrazy-ga on 24 Sep 2005 20:18 PDT
He really seemed interested when we were together...but after we had
"sex" he didn't take me "out" and always wanted me to go to his
place..which is very nice,but also very far..
Subject: Re: did I scare him away?
Answered By: nenna-ga on 25 Sep 2005 19:53 PDT
Rated:5 out of 5 stars
Good evening kittykrazy and thank you for your question.

If you are like most girls, you tend to think with your emotions
rather than with the logical part of your brain.    The emotional side
of your brain thinks that since the guy didn?t call, he must not like
you.  The logical side of your brain should realize that just because
he didn?t call you right away does not mean he is avoiding you.  He
may have things to deal with, like work, school, family, friends, etc.
I wouldn't throw in the towel yet.  I would suggest, however, that if
he does call, you don?t try to hold onto him so firmly as he has
openly told you he isn?t looking for a serious relationship.

I?m not here to tell you he?s using you - - I am not here to tell you
he?s not.  It would be impossible for anyone to say without knowing
this guy?s side of the story.  However, there is a chance he might be
avoiding you and your calls. Some guys are afraid that sex means real
emotional involvement, and they can't handle that. I can only hope for
your sake that isn?t the case.

Just a personal observation - I have a feeling that the guys you date
are not the guys you want, but maybe you tell yourself they are right
away just in case they turn out to be.  You turn a casual night of sex
into a serious relationship rather than what it really is ? casual
sex.  My advise ? RELAX.  If you are having a hard time getting over
this guy not calling you after two or three dates, imagine what it
would be like to get over someone you'd been with for years.

Additionally, stop thinking about what is wrong with you and why he
didn?t call and start thinking about what is right with what you can
bring to a relationship with the right guy.

Good luck to you and if you need anything else, please do not hesitate
to ask before rating.

Google Researcher

Request for Answer Clarification by kittykrazy-ga on 26 Sep 2005 14:44 PDT
Thank you i do feel a little better..even though he hasn't called:( I
know guys can sense when a woman is desperate..Me asking so soon if
its casual sex and then calling 2 days later to apologize for asking
seems like i'm desperate or crazy..and I was a little "tipsy" when I
left the message..babbling a bit..but I was being cute ..I
thought..But in his mind he might think I'm a nut..Iam a nut but a
cute,harmless one..and I would think he would know that..We got along
so well and always cracked jokes and would talk silly..thats why I'm
surprised he hasn't called..I'm obsessing..overall the out look
doesn't look good...Ok, my 2nd question is..Do you think( MEN..please
give me your opinion on this one) I looked desperate or crazy by
asking so soon? And then calling and leaving a kooky..but cute message
apologizing for asking? Does it look like I'm scared that I may have
scared him away?? LIKE I"M DESPERATE?...which obviously Iam..but I
really didn't want him to see that..I've always had problems with
men..DAAAAA..wonder what does everyone think..Nenna-ga and
any guys input may help me..Thanks

Clarification of Answer by nenna-ga on 26 Sep 2005 17:44 PDT
Kitty - because you have already rated this question, I suggest you
post a new question if you haveother questions pertaining to this
subject.  Otherwise, this answered question willnot get closed out.


kittykrazy-ga rated this answer:5 out of 5 stars and gave an additional tip of: $2.00

Subject: Re: did I scare him away?
From: ryde32-ga on 25 Sep 2005 05:01 PDT
Sounds like he got what he wanted...
Subject: Re: did I scare him away?
From: labit-ga on 25 Sep 2005 17:28 PDT
You didn't scare him, he is not interest in a long term relationship. 
He is too cheap to even take you out again, once he find out that you
will have sex with him (goal accomplish for him).  Forget about him,
del his phone number and move on.
Subject: Re: did I scare him away?
From: nenna-ga on 26 Sep 2005 14:24 PDT
kittykrazy - thank you for the rating and the tip.  Good luck to you
and if you would like anymore advise, please do not hesitate to ask.


Subject: Re: did I scare him away?
From: nomadicentre-ga on 05 Oct 2005 00:25 PDT

From a guys point of view, here you go:

1) I reckon Nenna is spot on about you needing to chill out; you went
on 3 dates with the guy and already I reckon you've spent more mental
energy thinking of him then a goldfish does thinking of swimming.
2) They guy didn't take you out because he was either 1) cheap, or 2)
embarrassed of you. Either way, not the best sort of lad for you.
3) As a general rule, never ask a guy "what the relationship is about"
after only 3 dates. It's 3 dates - I don't even think that qualifies
for the use of the word "relationship" (or any synonym you may have
used). Consider things meaningless until at least a 3 months and 15
dates. Don't bother asking until you hit that threshold.
4) Relax about guys in general - there are about 3 billion of them out
there, they all think about sex and companionship, and you'll find
another with no worries.

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