if in [] then cut out; if in {} then put in; if in () then comments
The relationship between youth culture and consumerism is rapidly
growing stronger everyday. In today?s world, many youth cannot
distinguish between ?wants? and ?needs?, and our capitalist economy
often leads them to the fetishism of goods and services. Youth in our
society often have the tendency to identify strongly with the products
and services that they consume, and while they have more buying power
now than ever before, they are also more gullible and confused. In
addition, they are preyed upon by the media due to their desire to
become socially accepted. In today's world, youth are a primary
concern in our materialistic culture.
[Youth have more buying power now than ever before.] Baby boomers
are beginning to retire, and now, as parents, they have sufficient
[money] {income} to be able to give a significant amount of it to
their offspring. This is because they {are now earning enough money}
[have established a sufficient flow of money] to support themselves,
[since] {as} most baby boomers, by now, have a stable career. Many
youth spend the majority of their disposable income on typical and
conventional items such as clothing, and as a result, [they] also have
the most buying power of all [the] age groups. Another important thing
to note is that the concept of allowances is a fairly recent one. It
offers a constant flow of money to children and adolescents alike, and
as a by-product, it assures youth that they will have a guaranteed
payday on set days{, for those who do receive it} (side note: not all
youth do so can?t generalize even though stated later that some do not
still put something related to this in). This causes teens to spend
more [money] since an allowance is expected once every few days. If a
teen did not have an allowance, then he or she would rather save their
money for more important items, due to the fact that they would be
unsure when they would get more money.
Secondly, tuition fees for {post secondary education} (college,
university, many different ways all high prices) [universities] have
skyrocketed during the last few years. This {usually} results in teens
getting {a} job[s] to afford their university fees, and{,} as a side
effect, they [also] {now} have more disposable income. High university
fees also tend to encourage students to borrow money from several
different sources, such as banks and the government. When students get
in the habit of lending, borrowing money, and even purchasing items on
credit, they {usually} end up buying more products.
[Third of all]{As well}, teens are more competitive now because
of ever increasing pressure[,] {due to} more competition from other
students, and repentance for the carefree mannerisms of previous
generations. Therefore, many teens attempt to strive for the best of
everything. [They]{Most} want the highest marks, the best clothing,
and the latest gadgets or toys, which fuels their spending habits even
further, and increases their awareness of the latest trends.
In today's world, youth [are more gullible and confused. They]
demand an identity for themselves, but they also wish to be lead. The
media therefore takes advantage of this, and exploits this in every
way {possible}. For example, the media introduces a new fashion style
or look, and then it soon becomes the "next big thing". When the
product is common enough, it loses its attractive qualities, and youth
soon yearn for something new. This is a continuous, never-ending
cycle, and the media often lives off of cycles such as these.
Companies often spend millions of dollars in research just to be on
the very edge, to find out what will be the next big thing.
Teens [wish to rebel and create an image for themselves. They] do
not like it if they feel they are being lead to a new fashion style by
the media and power-hungry corporations. Therefore, the media invents
new styles in many different ways, such as viral marketing, without
ever associating the product with [themselves]{these power-hungry
corporations}. Then the[y] {media} "coincidentally" sell{s} products
that strengthen the fashion appeal of youth.
The media is creating fake images of how people will look with
their products. Many people do not believe that they themselves are
fooled and captivated by these attempts; but in fact, the truth is
that individuals who are swayed by marketing do not wish to admit it.
People often fantasize about themselves as being the person in the
advertisements, the banners, and the billboards that they see. (very
good paragraph)
Finally, teens are preyed upon by the media due to the desire to
become socially accepted.(Use a different wording for the opening
sentence. It does not need to be exactly the same as what is in your
introduction. It becomes too repetitive) History gives us many
examples to analyze, to prove that the desire for social acceptance is
a powerful motivator that shapes and directs human behaviour [true].
In the past (1900s - 1930s), people only purchased items out of
necessity[,] {This was} primarily due to the Great Depression, since
as many families were lacking the funds to simply support themselves
and purchase necessities {in those times}. In the years between 1950
and 1980, people were free-flowing, and purchased t-shirts tie-dyed
for a personal and unique image. Personal competition and product
consumption was atypical. During these days, young people did what
they felt, and felt strongly about whatever they did. They did not
give criticism to peers about what they should wear and buy. (could
string these together better, sounds to much of a harsh change, want
it to flow smoothly) During the decade of 1970, the Vietnam War and
then free culture played a prominent role in the progression of
consumerism. People, and especially youth, often shared their
belongings, simply because they felt like it.
Subsequently, in the 1980s and beyond, youth have lost their
identity, because there is no defining moment for the generation like
previous generations have had. [Some examples include t]{T}he 1940s
[with]{had} WWII and the liberation of Europe, {and} the 1970s
[with]{had}the Vietnam War and free culture, [and] yet the 1990s -
2000s does not have anything remotely similar. As you can see, there
have been many transitions throughout history regarding youth and
consumer culture {resulting in many changes in the way media and
corporations direct their products}.
In conclusion, [young people and](by putting young people here you
are saying that they are an increasingly big problem) our consumer
culture is an increasingly big problem. These examples clearly state
that youth, and even our society as a whole, are losing the battle
against consumerism. It is not only costing us our money, but it is
also taking away from our freedom ? our freedom to choose and decide
what we want, and who we want to be. These decisions should not be
made by the ones who benefit the most from our purchases, but instead,
should be made by ourselves. Advertisements, fashion trends, even
peers cannot always tell us how we should dress, what we should buy,
and who we are. That is something that we must discover for [only]
ourselves.
Overall a very good piece. You definitely get the message across and
it flows smoothly in most parts. There are only a few minor changes
to the structuring that I changed but the content was well written. |
