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Q: Afraid of My Boss ( Answered 5 out of 5 stars,   10 Comments )
Subject: Afraid of My Boss
Category: Business and Money > Employment
Asked by: kdm-ga
List Price: $2.00
Posted: 31 Oct 2005 10:50 PST
Expires: 30 Nov 2005 10:50 PST
Question ID: 587103
I need some advice on how to quit a job with a demon for a boss.  I
have wanted to quit for about 6 months now.  I've watched two other
people successfully quit in that time.  Over the last year and a half
working for this woman, I have seen her treat everyone who has quit
terribly.  She yells a lot.  I'm afraid to quit because I don't want
to have the conversation in which she yells at me, demeans me and
talks to me like I'm a piece of filth.  Is there anything I can do to
avoid this type of confrontation?  I would like to just stop coming to
work, but I couldn't do that to the other employees here.  Anyone had
a terrible boss and managed to quit without the fear I have?  Any
employers who have dealt with employees who didn't like them that
would have advice on how to quit without spurring anger?  I need to do
this in the next few days.
Subject: Re: Afraid of My Boss
Answered By: tlspiegel-ga on 31 Oct 2005 11:36 PST
Rated:5 out of 5 stars
Hi kdm,

Thank you for your question.  

There is no need for you be afraid of your boss on the day that you
quit.  What you do is write a very simple letter of resignation and
hand it to your boss.

Writing a Letter of Resignation

Keep Your Letter of Resignation Simple

"Writing a letter of resignation might be an unpleasant task, but
there's really not that much to it. In its simplest form, you just
date your letter of resignation, say when and what you're resigning,
sign it, hand it over, and that's it. Five minutes, and you're done.

Unless you possess the judgment of an attorney and style of a
professional writer, don't write much more in your letter of
resignation if you wish to use your soon-to-be ex-employer as a
reference. There's really no need to explain your reasons for
resigning anyway. For one thing, it's really nobody's business but
your own. For another, however honorable your reasons may be, it's
very hard to strike just the right tone in writing."

This is a good one:

More information here:


"Before resigning your job, it's good idea to prepare to quit. That's
because you might get escorted out of the building only hours after
resigning, never to return or access the computer network again. It's
not unusual or generally illegal for employers to boot resigning
employees out the door and cut off their computer network access,
before their resignation notice periods expire."

[read article for more information on 

"Before Resigning Your Job" and "Tips for Resigning Your Job"


Must I give Two Weeks Notice of Resignation?


What To Do When Your Boss Is a Jerk

"Leave. This may be a difficult decision for you, especially if you
like your work, benefits, coworkers and company. But you must also
consider your sanity (and that of your family to whom you vent).
Carefully weigh the alternatives and if you decide that leaving is
your best option, do it right. Don't yell "I quit!" during a heated
argument. Plan ahead--update your resume, start consulting with your
network, look for another job. Your goal, if possible, is to have
another job lined up before you tell your boss you're leaving. And
even then, resist the temptation to tell him off. Try to leave on the
best terms possible and don't burn your bridges. You never know when
and where that jerk boss might show up in your future!"


keyword search:

how to quit my job
writing resignation letter
boss yells want to quit


Best regards and Good Luck to you!

Request for Answer Clarification by kdm-ga on 03 Nov 2005 07:03 PST
I have seen all of these links.  What I was really looking for, I
guess, was a how to say it to minimize the impending freak out.  My
boyfriend has suggested I just smile mysteriously as if I know
something she doesn't.  The boss is the CEO of the Chamber of
Commerce.  She answers to her board, but it is in our bylaws that we
employees, report to her and really, don't get to jump level.  So
there isn't much going around her or presenting my case to anyone -
hence, the quitting.  The encouragement has been nice - thanks y'all. 
If anyone has a social suggestion, I'm interested in hearing it.

Clarification of Answer by tlspiegel-ga on 03 Nov 2005 08:20 PST
Hi kdm,

You stated in your clarification: "The boss is the CEO of the Chamber of
Commerce.  She answers to her board, but it is in our bylaws that we
employees, report to her and really, don't get to jump level.  So
there isn't much going around her or presenting my case to anyone -
hence, the quitting."

If the boss has a reputation for yelling and going ballistic and
getting nasty, it's a good assumption that she won't act any
differently with you.  The ONLY suggestion I have is to get out
gracefully and graciously.  Write a letter, give it to her, and then
leave.  Prior to the letter incident make sure you have another job
lined up, remove all important papers and personal items from your
area, and then go for it.  Bite your tongue, don't yell or respond and
then leave.

There isn't much you CAN say to her is there?  She IS going to perform
her act and make everyone shiver and quake - including you.  Just
accept this fact and go forward with your life.  Otherwise, don't quit
and stay there until you work up the courage to move on.

I do wish you the best of luck.  You have received excellent advice -
the bottom line is there isn't much you can do in a situation like
this other having someone sneak in her office and put duct tape on her
mouth so she has to listen and not react.

Best regards,
kdm-ga rated this answer:5 out of 5 stars and gave an additional tip of: $1.00

Subject: Re: Afraid of My Boss
From: tr1234-ga on 31 Oct 2005 11:52 PST
tlspiegel-ga's answer tells you everything you want to know, but I
thought I'd post a quick comment of support, too.

Don't be afraid. Be prepared, but don't be afraid. 

Yeah, your boss may yell at you--horribly and hatefully, even--when
you resign. But they're just words, and you don't have to take them to
heart, and eventually your boss will stop yelling, and you'll get up
and go home and on to the next stage of your life. The conversation
(or argument) may be unpleasant, but it's only a temporary
unpleasantless. Take the high road, take whatever your boss dishes
out, then move on. Lots of us have been through the same sort of
thing, and if we could do survive it, you can.

Good luck to you!
Subject: Re: Afraid of My Boss
From: scubajim-ga on 31 Oct 2005 14:35 PST
You didn't mention what country you are located in.  If you are
located in the US this type of treatment by your boss is potentially
creating a hostile atmosphere.  (CONSULT AN ATTORYNEY)  In the US if
an employer creates a hostile atmosphere they are opening themselves
up to a harassment suit.  This is something that the Human Resources
Department wants to avoid.  You might consider pointing out that
behavior to HR.  I can assure you that unless they are woefully
incompetent they will take immediate steps to correct your bosses

If this is somethig you don't want to do then you might look for
another job.  Once you ahve found it resign and then request an exit
interview with HR.   At the exit interview make it verbally clear why
you are leaving and that you don't want to face your (now ex-boss
about it).  Make it clear that you are communicating to HR about the
problem in the hopes that they will correct the situation for the sake
of other employees and for the benefit of the company.  Make it clear
that your ex-boss's behavior is not good for the company (contributing
to high turnover, poor moral, and potential law suit) and it is HR's
responsibility to follow up and correct the situation.
Subject: Re: Afraid of My Boss
From: cynthia-ga on 31 Oct 2005 16:29 PST
I can tell you how to make her bite her tongue...  Take a
small/mini/handheld tape recorder with you when you quit. When she
goes off, tell her unless she wants her superiors to hear her tirade
of filth and obscenities, she should mind her manners.

Here's one for $30 bucks.

You may need to click past an ad to see it.

Good luck,
Subject: Re: Afraid of My Boss
From: tr1234-ga on 31 Oct 2005 19:55 PST
These last ideas--being prepared to advise Human Resources and/or
carrying a tape recorder during the meeting--are indeed ideas to
consider, but on the other hand, they might not be applicable to the
original questioner's situation (or his/her desire to pursue the
situation.) If, for example, this horrible boss is the owner of the
company--a small business owner--then there might not really be a
superior or a HR department to complain to, right? In any case, both
those courses of action involve escalating (or being prepared to
escalate) the situation which may or may not really be the wisest or
most necessary thing for the departing employee to do.

Things to keep in mind, certainly. But they may or may not be exactly
right for the individual's situation.
Subject: Re: Afraid of My Boss
From: pinkfreud-ga on 31 Oct 2005 20:56 PST
Not everyone can do this, but my solution to the Boss From Hell
situation was to tough it out until the boss wrung his own neck.
Disagreeable, arrogant bosses often annoy their superiors, and that's
what happened in my workplace. It took five years, but finally my boss
was fired by HIS boss, and I was still there!
Subject: Re: Afraid of My Boss
From: frde-ga on 01 Nov 2005 06:13 PST
I am with Cynthia on the tape recorder.
- actually rather annoyed that she pre-empted my solution.

Chances are that this 'Boss from Hell' owns the company, so the tape
is just a trophy, something you can listen to and play to your
- possibly also a little blackmail
- although the legality of covert recordings varies by locale
- nice insurance should she start giving you foul references

Interestingly, KDM-GA, you seem worried about letting your co-workers
down, which suggests there is a bit more to the story than you have
told us.

You don't seem worried about future employment, which is another interesting sign.

Remember one thing, she can only shout at you, and make herself sound
a fool for posterity.

Your biggest problem is that she will turn round and ask you what
/she/ is doing wrong - and that is pretty likely - but I suspect that
you know that.

Record it anyway, but leave the door ajar (physically, the
metaphorical version is down to what you really want).
Subject: Re: Afraid of My Boss
From: cynthia-ga on 02 Nov 2005 14:06 PST
Sorry frde!  Didn't mean to beat you to the punch...

tlspiegel gave excellent resources, the resignation letter is quick
and painless. Another idea is, if there is an HR Dept, give your
resignation letter to them, and tell them why you're going around your

If you record the boss and actually get a tirade on tape, the tape
itself would be a good example as to WHY you quit. As long as the boss
is aware she is being taped, it's legal.

I'd walk in with the recorder in my hand, and make it painfully clear
the conversation was being recorded, nothing covert is necessary, in
fact if you hide the recorder, it loses it's power.  Hand the boss the
letter and walk away, and keep the recorder near you, running, all the
time. The good ones are voice activated and run on a 1 or 2 hour loop.
 Just leave it running on your desk area.  Just remember that after
you capture a tirade, you have minimal time to continue recording
before it records OVER itself..

At that point, be prepared to be fired, even though you gave notice.

Let it know how it comes out!
Subject: Re: Afraid of My Boss
From: frde-ga on 03 Nov 2005 02:38 PST

I was amused that you came up with the same solution.

One problem with letting people know that you are recording them, is
that they shut up fast. I've seen it happen.

Letting the Boss from Hell know that you are recording her would
deprive posterity of an amusing CD that could circulate for years.

Strictly speaking, it is not really legal, but if one is not intending
to use it in litigation, then the recording ... kind of ... does not

I've also got a hunch that there is a degree of physical intimidation involved here.
Subject: Re: Afraid of My Boss
From: tlspiegel-ga on 03 Nov 2005 10:55 PST
Hi kdm,

Thank you for the 5 star rating and tip.  

Best regards,
Subject: Re: Afraid of My Boss
From: cynthia-ga on 04 Nov 2005 00:54 PST

LMAO @ ..."Letting the Boss from Hell know that you are recording her would
deprive posterity of an amusing CD that could circulate for years..."

Yes, that would be more than amusing!

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