My girl friend I had an engagement ceromony.  We didn't get married.
We agreed not to sign any legal documents that bind us together
legally.  However, we do live togther because she decided to have my
baby during 4 month of relationship.  I am embarrassed to say, I still
don't know this woman well enough to go through the full throttle.
What can I do? Please advise.

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Request for Question Clarification by czh-ga on 11 Nov 2005 15:50 PST

Hello  irishknight2004-ga,

You ask, "What can I do?"

What can you do about what? What kind of help/advice are you looking for?

Since child support issues may be relevant, please also tell us where
you are. The more you can tell us about your situation, the more
likely we will be able to help you.

~ czh ~

I had a friend once, who had a boyfriend whom she'd never married, but
with whom she'd bought a house. Well, come to find out, when they
decided to break up, they ended up in divorce court over that house.
Turns out that, even though they'd never gone through a marriage
ceremony, the fact of both their names being on the mortgage was
enough to render them married in the eyes of the law under Texas
common law marriage laws. They did indeed have to get a divorce,
through the courts, despite the non-existence of any marriage
certificate. For goodness' sake, what IS the deal anymore with people
not getting married? Not like they're really saving themselves any
grief, y'know?

I echo Byrd's comments and add an accusatory finger-- You don't know
her well enough to marry but you're having a child? Your statement
"she decided to have my baby" is disingenuous at best. I assume you
were there for the fun bit.

You might as well get married. You've got every component of a married
couple already.

Sorry if this seems bitchy, but, well, sheesh!

Well, Texas sure sucks.  I though common law marriage involved the
intent to hold oneself out as married.

"What can I do? Please advise."

You have already done what you could and the result is there with her.
 You should submit yourself to a women's group and sit there eyes
closed for fifteen minutes.  They would know what to do!

It sounds to me as if:

1) You met a girl 4 months ago
2) She got pregnant 
   (it is not clear whether it was intentional on your or her part)
3) At some time you had an engagement shindig
4) She is living with you
5) You do not feel you know her well enough to get formally married

Are there any citizenship issues ?
Are you moderately wealthy and suspect 'gold digging' ?
Do you get on well together ?
Are you looking forward to disturbed nights and soiled nappies ?

Subject to DNA tests, you are definitely into 'paternity commitment'
which may or may not worry you.

My guess is that you are rather confused, and want to comb out your
feelings on things.

I must confess that the progression sounds a little rapid, dare I say
it, a little old fashioned.

I am not sure what state you reside in however, there are very many
laws that would apply to you if you two decided to do a "Domestic
Partnership"  this is not just for homosexuals, heterosexuals can also
be involved in a "DP"  There are several documents and statements you
will need, depending on where you live.  I reside in Illinois and know
the extent of "DP" like the back of my hand.  If you notify me the
state you live in I would be able to help you out a lot more.

Good Luck!

The trouble here is, you want to have the fun but not the commitment.  
If I was the girl, I'd tell you to hit the road, you weren't good
enough for me or the baby.

GROW UP

Have responsible sex and don't bring kids into the world that you
aren't prepared to give them the family life -- MOM AND DAD MARRIED --
that they deserve.

I echo the above comment ---sheesh!