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Q: how to meet people and make good friends ( No Answer,   7 Comments )
Subject: how to meet people and make good friends
Category: Relationships and Society > Relationships
Asked by: ymaff-ga
List Price: $20.00
Posted: 22 Nov 2005 13:08 PST
Expires: 22 Dec 2005 13:08 PST
Question ID: 596385
I need some solid advice on how to make friends.

I've never been overly social, but have always had enough friends up
until recently.  Mostly this is because I was in school and it's not
that hard to find people you like to hang out with.  Well now I'm in
the "real world" and finding it hard to meet people that I feel
comfortable hanging out with.  The school friends have moved or
married.  The reason I ask is because my girlfriend has many friends
and a couple very close ones that she's always talking to on the phone
or going over to their house.  This leaves me feeling lonely a lot.  I
don't blame her, I blame myself for not having the same.

So how does one go about making friends?  By friends I mean good
friends that you can talk to quite a bit. Not just people you can bump
into occationally.  I'm a 31 year old male and work with a bunch of
middle-aged women, so my job is not a good place.  I don't go to
church.  I'm not in school anymore.  I've tried the social networking
websites, but it always seems like the guys on there are a lot younger
or looking for sex.  I live in a university town, so most of the bars
are college bars, which is not my scene.  Not to mention I don't
really want to necessarily drink to make friends.  I've met people at
concerts, art openings, events like that, but it's hard to say "We
should hang out sometime" and is usually inappropriate to do so
anyway.  Most of my old friends are married with kids now and have no

This probably sounds more pathetic than it really is. It's just really
hard to go out looking for friends because the way most people make
friends is kind of on accident.  Conciously trying to find a friend
makes me feel way too weird, like I'm on a blind date sizing the other
person up.  I'm a pretty creative person, but am at a loss for
creating friendships right now.  I'm looking for some ideas on meeting
people given the constraints I've outlined -- where to go, what to
say, who to talk to, etc. Any help?
There is no answer at this time.

Subject: Re: how to meet people and make good friends
From: pinkfreud-ga on 22 Nov 2005 13:13 PST
Have you considered joining Mensa? If you're eligible, Mensa is a
great place to meet interesting, friendly people. I got to know my
husband through Mensa. And my mom met my stepfather through a
classified ad in the Mensa "Bulletin"!
Subject: Re: how to meet people and make good friends
From: tr1234-ga on 22 Nov 2005 14:05 PST
For what it's worth, it's often said (perhaps of men in particular)
that folks bond through shared experience. So for instance if you have
a particular hobby, maybe you'll meet potential friends through that
hobby. Volunteering for a cause or charity you believe in might also
be a good way to meet folks.
Subject: Re: how to meet people and make good friends
From: myoarin-ga on 22 Nov 2005 19:26 PST
Mensa is a great idea, unless one is not accepted, a rejection
experience that would not be ego-enhancing.
I agree entirely with Tr1234, get involved in what you like to do, or
now in a new environment, would like to try, preferably an activity
where people work together.  Sky-diving can be exciting, but museum
and art courses or volunteer work are more sociable.  I have a belief
that couples that practice a hobby together (choral singing, whatever)
have a better basis for their relationship than those who don't.  It
can give them a common interest to return to when the momentary
"chemistry" is upset.
Looking for friends can become obsessive and destroying  - and find
the wrong persons.
Subject: Re: how to meet people and make good friends
From: drizzzle-ga on 02 Dec 2005 23:22 PST
Psychologically and sociologically speaking, men and women have been
vastly different in their abilities to form peer bonds otherwise known
as friendships.  Simply spoken, women instinctively find it much
easier than men.  Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone and
that you are bolder than most men in that you have admitted your
difficulties here.

First and foremost, you have the advantage of being in a relationship.
 While it is important for two people in a serious relationship to
have social connections and bonds which do not directly involve the
other, it is still entirely possible to find friendships with "friends
of her friends."  In other words, some of her girl-friends are
undoubtedly involved in relationships of their own.  Perhaps you could
try meeting some of the "significant-others" of her girl-friends.  If
you can create a situation such as a dinner party or (as the timing is
perfect) a holiday party, it should be relatively easy to at least
meet new people with which you may have something in common.  If all
goes well, perhaps you could propose a "guys night" coinciding with a
"girls night" giving you (and undoubtedly all of them) a chance to
just be "guys" and have some much needed fun outside of relationships.
 Try suggesting this to your girlfriend and see how she reacts.  In
the end, it certainly can't hurt anything to show an interest in the
people she already knows and if all fails, you won't be any worse off.
Subject: Re: how to meet people and make good friends
From: caltawney-ga on 08 Dec 2005 06:56 PST
If you're feeling odd because you don't have the need for friends
don't worry about it. For some of us, our family (wife, children,
grandchildren,) take up most of our attention. If you simply want to
interact with people who share your interest, a hobby, as already
memtioned, is the best idea. You might try model trains or rockets.
There are lots of hobby clubs in which you can get involved.
Generally, the people in hobby clubs are very stable, interesting
Subject: Re: how to meet people and make good friends
From: experienceknowledge-ga on 12 Feb 2006 04:24 PST
If all the above things don't work for you, I would consider moving to
another town or city.  I know that it is extreme, but friends make up
a large portion of one's life.  Obviously, such a decision would be
made over time.  If this does happen, be picky about the new town or
city.  Whether it is a hobby club or city, you'll find some places
easier to meet people than other places.
Subject: Re: how to meet people and make good friends
From: mugsy2006-ga on 25 Oct 2006 17:12 PDT
HMMMM.  I have to disagree with moving to another town.  I always had
a number of close friends and moved almost 7 years ago across country.
 I keep in contact with my close friends via email, phone, periodic
visits but I have not met anyone and, trust me, I have tried.  It is
really lonely to be in a new town trying to make friends.  If you
remain where you are at least there is comfort in your surroundings.

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