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Q: women with scars ( No Answer,   3 Comments )
Subject: women with scars
Category: Relationships and Society > Romance
Asked by: wetinterests-ga
List Price: $2.00
Posted: 03 Dec 2005 12:07 PST
Expires: 02 Jan 2006 12:07 PST
Question ID: 600976
Are there any dating services which cater to women with mastectomies?

Request for Question Clarification by tlspiegel-ga on 04 Dec 2005 09:29 PST
Hi wetinterests,

If my findings are satisfactory, please let me know and I will post
this information as the official answer to your question.

I wasn't able to find any resource for the book online.  It's been out
of print for a while.  So... try to find the book at your local
Up Front: Sex and the Post-Mastectomy Woman by Linda Dackman 

Go to this site and type in your zip code, click GO.  If your library
has the book it will be listed.  If not, ask your library if they can
get a "loan" from another library.


Best regards,

Request for Question Clarification by cynthia-ga on 08 Dec 2005 16:03 PST

Please tell me if these links are helpful. They are not *exactly* what
you want, but it's coming at your request "from the other side" :



DU forums

And I found this, which may hold some clues...

Advice needed on getting back to the dating scene after a mastectomy and divorce
There is no answer at this time.

Subject: Re: women with scars
From: irlandes-ga on 03 Dec 2005 21:30 PST
I am not an expert on this topic. But, I suspect the male audience for
a mastectomy "survivor's" dating service might be limited, just as any
similar specialized organization would be.

My personal suggestion if one of my daughter's asked me this question,
is use a regular dating service.

If your personality is good enough, this will not keep you from
finding a mate, IMO. This will of course depend upon the age bracket
of men you are seeking, 20 year old males are awfully immature in many

I am in my early 60's, and if I were single, for the right woman I
would have no problem with minor body problems.  Am I the only such
man? I doubt it, and you only need one.

The real question is whether to announce your mastectomy in your
original posting, or when? I would tend to recommend to keep it to
yourself until and if you develop a suitable relationship with a man. 
You could tell him right away you have a minor physical defect which
does not affect your daily activities, and wait until later to

My viewpoint on this is based on the difficulty both men and women are
having terrible problems finding someone suitable today, and if you
are perfect except for mastectomy, a good man won't care. If you have
other baggage, then that is the problem, much bigger than a

As a former counselor for divorced fathers, I have been asked over the
years by several mature women how to find a man.  I ask them what kind
of man they want, and where they have been looking.  Twice divorced,
sour and obese women near 50 always seem to want a successful business
man, and usually look in bars. Sigh.

I tell them to find an activity such as volunteer work at the
Community Theater, and forget about looking for a man.  Their
volunteer work and their enthusiasm will be somewhat more attractive
to a mature man than hanging around bars.

This is only one example. The point is to make yourself attractive by
what you are doing, rather than by clothes and/or cosmetics.  For
example, a woman in South eastern Iowa, where they have the Old
Threshers' Reunion, might meet a suitable man while working on an old
steam engine, with coal dust on her nose, if she presents a pleasant

Men want peace, so you want to be pleasant and tranquil in my opinion.
If you are not, then you will have a problem.

Today, I see a lot of people finding friends, all ages and
nationalities, by chat rooms on the Internet, or even message boards. 
Pick a mature and serious topic of interest to both men and women, not
the equivalent of a singles bar.  Present your intelligence and your
personality and let things happen by themselves.  And before you
physically meet a man, be frank about wanting to do a background check
of some sort.  A Real Man won't mind.
Subject: Re: women with scars
From: pinkfreud-ga on 03 Dec 2005 21:36 PST
Frankly, I think a dating service for "women with scars" is a terrible
idea. My body has been deformed by numerous surgeries, and I am
fortunate to have a husband who overlooks my scars. A dating service
which specialized in women who have undergone surgery would probably
attract men who found scars and deformities to be a turn-on. I can't
speak for all women, but I want to be found attractive in spite of my
scars, not because of them.
Subject: Re: women with scars
From: irlandes-ga on 07 Dec 2005 13:37 PST
You are so right, Pinkfreud.  I came back because I forgot in my
long-winded comment to say that it is possible her self-conscious
attitude about her mastectomy could be a much bigger problem than the
surgery itself.  If the personality and attitude are right, there are
men who won't care about the missing or altered body parts. If her
life is dominated by the surgery, thus her body, that is the real

That's why my advice was to find some activity which will cause her to
forget about what to many men will be a minor issue, and develop her
interests in a manner which will make her as a person attractive to a
man, and put her minor body issue out of her mind. As long as it
dominates her personality, she will be undesirable to men for that

I am convinced that a mature, intelligent, pleasant, desirable woman's
ability to find a mate will not be hampered by a mastectomy.  If these
things are lacking, the mastectomy won't be the problem.  If these
things are present, the mastectomy won't be a problem -- with the
right man.

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