Close to a year ago, my favorite sunglasses were swiped by terrorists.
You see, one day they were securely on my face, projecting my mojo to
all within eyeshot, and the next they were gone, swiftly en route to
some sweaty cafe to be used as a cool-control device by some laid-back
terrorist recruiter. Will they stop at nothing?

Since then, my mojo levels have dropped, my eyes are all crinkling
because I'm squinting all the time, and my friends have started the
shunning process. Plus my sunglasses are now being used for evil. So
things are bad.

Here's what I'd like: I'd like you to scour the Middle East for my
glasses, snatch them from Amir's head, and run them to my door.
Barring that, I'd like to find a trusty merchant to sell me a pair.

The description:
- They are "aviator" type sunglasses, but bigger than the ones selling
at any sunglasses online merchant.
- The color starts at blue and the top of the lenses and fades to pink
at the bottom.
- The rims and stems are gold, and are metal, not plastic. 

Pictures:
http://img527.imageshack.us/my.php?image=47b3d733b3127cce9f8b10cd601200.jpg

http://img527.imageshack.us/my.php?image=47b3d733b3127cce9f8b10bee15100.jpg

http://img527.imageshack.us/my.php?image=47b4d924b3127cce9a2e16410a9600.jpg

Yes, that jackass is me. 

So here's where I've searched so far. There are thousands of
sunglasses merchants on the web, ebay, etc. but it seems like they all
sell the same crap. Their aviators are a little too small, the lenses
do not fade, or they are plastic. Believe me, I've tried a hundred of
them. Well, ok, maybe 5.

Where did these legendary glasses appear, you ask? Well, I stole them
from a terrorist. Long story. No, my best theory is they were pinched
(accidentally) from a costume shop that rented them along with other
70's garb that my Dad rented for my bachelor party in Vegas. So my
last and best hope is that they can be found in a costume shop
somewhere, but alas I have yet to be so lucky.

It's been 3 years since they were stolen, and dangitall, if I don't
get suitable replacements, the terrorists have won.

Happy Hunting!

Oh, and here is a picture of some horrible aviators I bought in hopes
they could replace the legenday sunglasses:

http://img527.imageshack.us/my.php?image=47b5dd27b3127cce90f71768d5b900.jpg

I would not be surprised if mojo-enhancing sunglasses may be similar
to the Ark of the Covenant in "Raiders of the Lost Ark." If an evil
person attempts to use the power, the miscreant will be destroyed by
tongues of flame and worse.

Somewhere there's probably a quivering puddle of protoplasm that used
to be a sunglasses-snatching bad guy.

More information needed! Our Special Sunglass Recovery Team have
inspected and evaluated the images you have provided but they are
confused. Please identify which person in each image is you. Many
thanks!

You are very lucky that the terrorist just swiped your glasses.  They
are a unique model sold by a Bin Ladin subsidiary only to persons who
have graduated from the highest training level and used as a secret
identification (this is really a good idea ...).  Remember, you
admitted that you stole them from a terrorist, yourself.  Ever
remember having any strange confrontions while wearing them?  They
probably thought you were a sleeper and didn't want to blow your cover
just then, but then did their homework, identified the glasses as the
ones you stole, and we don't want to speculate on what happened then
to the rightful owner.

SO, feel yourself lucky that they just chose take the glasses and give
up on the idea of ever replacing them.  Get a new image for the 21st
century.  ;)

Judging by the photos, the horrible replacements are serving you well.
That beautiful young lady hanging on your arm seems happy with your
current mojo. ;)

May I suggest that you go to the local 2nd hand store (ie) salvation
army, goodwill and pick up the frames you like then bring them to the
optometrist. They can make a pair of lenses for you.
You won't believe this ... but when I was in Vegas with my mom. She
SAID she lost her reading glasses. Sooo we went to the lost & found in
the casino. They let her go through the whole box of glasses where she
picked up several pairs that suited her.
You might try that trick at the mall or some large retail shop.

Are these them (or similar)?

http://www.thecostumer.com/store/product.cfm?prodID=6368