Hello-I have a 9 year old son who has my maiden name, my husband of 5
years with whom I have 2 other children with wishes to adopt him.  He
has wanted to do this from the day we were married but cost has not
allowed us to.  We have consulted an attorney here in South Carolina
who informed us that it would be a minimum of $3000.  The attorney
stated that even though the biological father was not on the birth
certificate the fact that in 1997 he signed the form acknowledging
paternity in child support court gives him rights.I have only received
3 child support payments  And although I have not seen or heard from
him since my son was 1(8 years ago) we would have to hire a private
investegator to locate him and show to proof to a judge for
abadonment. The biological father has 3 other children that I am aware
of and in 1999 or 2000 I received a letter from the state of Virgina
stating my child support case had been moved there since that is where
he was residing-still didn't receive any payments.  I am looking for
forms I can submit myself and information on doing so,and/or contact
information for attorney's in my area willing to help us for a fee of
$1000 or less and who maybe even be willing to accept payments.  My
son does not know of another father but as he was almost 4 when my
husband and I met, knows he wasn't always there.  My son and husband
are very close and I can't remember a time when he didn't call him
Dad.  He is treated the same by him as the children we have together
biologicaly and all my son wants to have the same last name as the
rest of us.  Thanks in advance for any information you can provide!

Since you are asking a question about a law in a specific state, it is
kind of hard to give an answer. See rules.

However, I can tell you my sister got the job done some years ago
without finding the father, who actually wanted to have a relationship
with his kids. She supplied an address to the court which she well
knew was no longer correct. When the letter came back, and they showed
proof of publication for his "last known" address, the court accepted
that as proof of abandonment, and let the new husband adopt.

That was not in NC, clearly. But it sure sounds like that attorney
might be uninformed -- or NC has tighter laws to stop such messes as
the Baby Jessica case some years ago in Iowa/Michigan.

I have to tell you about my (step-daughter also known as my Real
Daughter, to distinguish her from my Biological Daughter.)  I can say
well over 30 years after I first met her that she is the best thing
that ever happened to me in my life, and she is a grown woman now. I
can't even imagine my life without her in it. I've tried to imagine
it, and it scares me silly just to try to think about it.  Her mom and
I married when she was 7, though I first saw her when she was less
than a year old.

She is the only one of my kids that I can clearly remember the first
instant I saw her. I know where and when I saw my bio-kids, but I
can't clearly remember that instant that I saw them.

I am her dad. Period. Don't offend either one of us by denying that
fact. My wife did. ONCE!!! I suspect she will never make that mistake
again.  :)

Yet, I never legally adopted her. I saw some statistics on divorce
after adopting stepkids and decided I didn't want to increase the odds
of losing her.  (Cruel to say, but wives are much easier to replace
than the Best Daughter In The World. Any woman can complain and find
fault with me, but it would be hard to find another daughter who would
tell me what a great dad I am.)

At one point, when she became an adult, I discussed with her the
possiblity of contacting her bio-dad, to find out if she had brothers
and sisters. she told me she had no interest at all, that she had a
dad, and brothers and sisters now, and saw no reason to even think of
the bio-dad who walked away from her. I did not tell her that I
thought I knew where her dad was...

So, do not assume your son will suffer if he is not adopted.  If he
loves and is loved, as my daughter is loved, he will not suffer, in my
opinion.

If he asks, don't lie. Tell him a dad is a man who loves you and takes
care of you and will die for you. That's how I did it.