My father-in-law tells a joke he remembers from long ago, but he only
knows the lead-in.  The rest of the story and/or the punchline are
forgotten to his memory.  So, I'm going to give you the lead-in to the
joke, and I want an answer as to how this thing wraps up.

I have already e-mailed Jackie "The Jokeman" Martling, and his
responses butchered the lead-in so much, all he was doing was telling
me some OTHER parrot jokes that clearly had nothing to do with this
one.  I don't need some revisionist parrot joke that happens to be
funny.  I need the ACTUAL conclusion to THIS joke.  (I have searched
the Internet high and low for this, and have come up empty-handed, so
methinks that the only person who's going to be able to answer this is
someone who PERSONALLY KNOWS the joke.

Here goes:

I guy walks into the Pet Store, and he goes to the manager and says,
"I want to buy an exotic pet."  The manager says, "I have just the
item for you, come with me."

They go to the very back of the store, and the manager brings the
customer to a big birdcage that has a zippered cover over it.  The
customer says, "A bird?  That's not very exotic."  The manager
replies, "Just hold on", and he slowly unzips the birdcage cover.

Inside, we see this parrot sitting in a miniature easy chair.  He's
wearing spectacles, pinching his beak.  He's holding a dry martini in
one hand, and he's reading the New York Times in the other hand.  He
looks up over his glasses at the two men, as if a bit annoyed that
he's been disturbed; and he says in a low, drawn-out voice,
"Yeeeeeesssssssss???"

    THAT'S IT.  I think you can tell that this joke is going to be a
real knee-slapper, but my father-in-law can't remember how it finishes
(he did have a stroke, so cut him some slack).  Anyway, I will be the
hero of our family, if someone can just complete this joke with what
is a "recognized" or "verifiable" account.  (Don't just make up an
ending that you think would be funny.)

---

Request for Question Clarification by taxmama-ga on 19 Sep 2002 14:13 PDT

Dear Factsoncall, 


There are lots of funny parrot jokes.

But, I think this may be the punchline to your joke. 
But in case it isn't, I don't want to post it as
the answer. If it is, you'll let me know if you 
me to claim the prize. 

Here goes:

=====

The customer figures, his mom lives in the projects in the Bronx, all
alone - he'll send her the parrot, it'll keep her company.

He pays the $500, has the store deliver the parrot to his mother, 
the next day he calls her up. "Mom, how did you like the parrot
I bought you?"

Mmm, delicious!" she says.

"What do you mean delicious?" 

"I made soup out of it, it came out great!" 

"But mom, this parrot spoke five languages!" 

"Five languages??? So why didn't he say anything?"

====

And even if it isn't the right one, I know you'll enjoy it!

Best wishes,

Your TaxMama-ga

---

Clarification of Question by factsoncall-ga on 19 Sep 2002 20:25 PDT

I don't see why his "not saying anything" would be solving this
particular joke set-up, because by his saying "Yeeeeessssss?" in the
birdcage in the store indicates that the bird can talk and respond to
situations.  Therefore, I doubt your punchline is the "joke", but I
will run it by my father-in-law the next time I see him, just to be
sure.

Sorry I don't know the punch line, but now I'd certainly like to.

My late father was very, very fond of parrot jokes. He knew hundreds
of them, and liked to tell them at parties. Most of them were not very
clean, but all of them were funny!

I can't give you a source or Web citation for this, so this is not a
"verifiable account," but here's the rest of the joke as my dad used
to tell it back in the 1950s:

The customer says, "So what? A parrot who dresses nice and reads the
newspaper. I've seen parrots like that on the Ed Sullivan Show. Not
very exotic."

The parrot looks hurt. He begins to recite The Gettysburg Address,
word for word, then sings a few tunes from a Gilbert & Sullivan
operetta.

The customer is unimpressed. "Big deal," says the customer. "I've seen
lots of birds that can sing songs, and talking parrots are hardly
rare. Now, if he was bilingual, maybe we'd have a deal."

The parrot nods, bows, and says "Meow."