Dear Robyn,
Thank you for coming to Google for help.
There are no words to express my sympathy for the loss of your brother
and sister-in-law.
And by the same token, you don't really know quite how to deal with
your nephews' grief. The truth is, no one definitive answers. Each
child's perspective and experience is unique.
Here is a place you can start getting guidance, though.
GROWW - Grief Recovery Online (founded by) Widows & Widowers
This is a Grief Recovery site started as a support group for people
who lost their spouses due to cancer. It was first brought to my
attention by a young woman who lost her husband and get help and the
will to live from the people and the chat rooms at GROWW.
Over the years, they've grown to help all bereaved people.
They have a special support area for people like you have to raise
children.
PARENTING TEENS & PRE-TEENS ALONE - CHILDREN IN GRIEF
http://www.groww.org/pta.htm
Branches have formed. Perhaps there's one in your area. Or perhaps,
you and the boys would like to start a branch in your own area.
Another excellent resource comes from MADD
(Mother Against Drunk Driving)
Grief Relief for Children
http://www.madd.org/victims/0,1056,1901,00.html
MADD has links to various articles and resources, for instance:
Helping Children Cope with Death
http://www.madd.org/victims/0,1056,1902,00.html
Three things I've learned, dealing with the deaths of my own parents
(aged 5 when mother died) and other tragedies over the years are:
1) Never lie to young children about the deaths. Tell them what
happened, if they don't know. At least, tell them the basics. When
they ask questions, be truthful. If they're asking, they're trying to
get their heads around the information and make it all clear in their
own minds, their own way. (I wish I could say this so it makes sense.)
2) People will pity the children and treat them differently. Adults
will be hypersensitive and behave foolishly, bending over backwards to
help; Children will often be hurtful, because they're afraid and don't
have the tools to show how much they'd like to help.
3) Being involved in helping other people is not only distracting,
it's also fulfilling and healing. If your boys start helping other
people with similar problems, they'll learn to understand how to come
to terms with their own loss.
Here are some books and/or videos to help you.
Two by Joey O'Connor:
When Children Grieve
help kids deal with death, divorce, moving, and pet loss.
http://joeyo.com/when_children_grieve.html
Heaven's Not A Crying Place
Whether you are dealing with an immediate crisis in your family, the
recent death of a loved one, or if your child simply has a lot of
questions, Joey O'Connor will help you understand why it is so
important to deal with your child's questions about life and death in
a sensitive and compassionate way.
http://joeyo.com/heaven_s_not_a_crying_place_the_video.html - the
video
http://joeyo.com/heaven_s_not_a_crying_place_.html - the book
Losing a Parent: Passage to a New Way of Living
by Alexandra Kennedy
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0062504983/
Amazon lets you see several of the pages in this book
Cry Until You Laugh: Comforting Guidance for Coping With Grief
by Richard J. Obershaw
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1577490630
One person wrote: I didn't discover this book until 4-5 months after
my mother died earlier this year, but it was definitely a Godsend.
Kidshealth.com offers information about dealing with death.
http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/death.html
But the site itself offers great support for raising children.
It also includes healthy hang-outs for 'kids' and teens.
http://kidshealth.org/
One of the best resources, including chat rooms and forums,
for single parents, career women, child-raising and more, is
the WomensForum.com family of sites
http://womensforum.com/Family.cfm
These resources will give you support, places to get the things you
need for your children, people to 'talk with' who understand your
situation.
But the most important thing those children will need is - you.
Just be with them. Listen to them.
And don't be afraid to set firm, but gentle boundaries.
They're lucky to have someone brave enough to take on 4 children.
And you're lucky to be so enriched.
Your TaxMama-ga |
Clarification of Answer by
taxmama-ga
on
21 Sep 2002 19:28 PDT
Oh yes, I forgot!
Speaking of modest means, you can get financial help from the Social
Security Administration!
http://www.ssa.gov/pubs/10084.html
Each child is entitled to a stipend from SSA until they turn 18, or
until they graduate from college (up to age 24). That money is
intended to help cover their support - food, rent, clothing,
education, etc. So, it will be a big help to the household. (You are
likely to get $250 to $500 or more per child.)
The income report will come in the childrens' SS numbers. So, if they
have little or no other income, none of the money is taxable, either.
Now, how could a TaxMama forget this?!
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