My boyfriend and I have been together for about 7 months, and our sex
life has been great, varied, and exciting for both of us.  He recently
had an injury that has kept him on crutches and has impaired his leg
functioning. I'm not sure if the time coincided, but he has been
having trouble staying hard and recently, even trouble coming to
orgasm...now, this happened yesterday after I tried three different
ways to make him orgasm.  Our relationship is generally good and we
are very honest.  It's not a physical problem by all indications.  I
also have been caring for him A LOT while the injury really kept him
from doing things- I've been cooking, cleaning, driving him around.  I
keep thinking that it's frustration with the injury, combined with
depression about not playing sports (he is super active), along with
our changing relationship dynamic (and trying not to feel that it's me
going something wrong!).  I guess my question is: what happens to
people's sexual relationships when an injury like this happens, and is
it the probable cause of our sexual difficulties?  We both in our
mid-late twenties.

PS: He has also
mentioned to me lately (after much prying) that while he's really
attracted to me, I turn him on, etc., he is insecure as to whether he
is comfortable if I'm the last person he's with sexually, i.e., I
guess this is a fear of commitment type thing.  This is the only other
thing I can think of as a possible cause.  What am I missing?

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Request for Question Clarification by weisstho-ga on 23 Feb 2006 17:38 PST

Is he taking medication?  Particularly pain medication?  If so, what are they?

I'm wondering if his impairment of leg function has been related to a
lumbar spine injury of some sort?

I am not the most qualified researcher to be a help here - other GAR's
please feel free to grab this.

My novice opinion, though, would certainly make me believe that
whatever impairment has occurred has its roots squarely in the
physical disability and dramatic change in physical activity, and NOT
the other things.

He may be feeling very guilty or inadequate, certainly frustrated,
with this newfound problem. May I respectfully request not making it a
"deal" and patience and understanding would be much appreciated. But
then, you are no doubt exhibiting that demeanor, given the fact that
you have taken the time to make the inquiry.

weisstho-ga

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Clarification of Question by sugarcube5-ga on 23 Feb 2006 18:01 PST

Thanks for the first comment.  He's not taking any meds known to
interfere with sexual functioning, and it is just a knee problem, no
spinal injuries.  I've never had this problem before, and it really
upsets me. But I suppose the best thing to do might be to keep
positive and, while we certainly can't ignore the problem, try not to
let it build into an anxiety-ridden self-fulfilling prophesy?

just a thought.  perhaps your boyfriends issues are not related to his
physical injury.  sexual difficulties can also be a sign/symptom of
depression, and as you have noted he is suffering from some
depression...

Ditto for what Swmo said, plus the inactivity could have a factor in
it-- decreased, prolonged activity, lounging around, that sort of
thing, and he's turning into a couch potato. Decreased activity can
cause decreased testosterone, especially if he is gaining weight.

You don't say what the injury was-- surprising, 'cuz you're so open
about your activities-- but have him ask his doctor if the injury or
medicine(s) could have any sexual side effects. Also, a visit to a
urologist should be close to the first stop when the plumbing has
problems.

You, Sugarcube, are what advice columnist Dan Savage of the "Savage
Love" column calls GGG; Good, giving, and game. Add to that your
cooking, caregiving, and "three different ways" innovation and you are
a gem. You should be smart enough to see through a I3ullsh*t line like
"I'm insecure as to whether I am comfortable if you're the last person
I'm with sexually." This is someone who is telling you that he will
cheat on you if he has the chance... or already has.

Hm, maybe a fun Google Question would be, "How many more than three
can readers come up with?"

Oh dear its nothing related to injury....it just depression. Wait for
some more time to have a good sex.....

Wishing you people all the best

If there is any question about his knee injury remaining a handicap  -
even a minor one -  that could be a mild trauma for him has a super
active type, leaving him with a constant worry about a permanent
change in his life.
Even if that is not the case, the sudden change, albeit temporary, has
apparently made him helpless in some practical ways, having to turn
responsibility over to you, maybe getting an idea about what married
life and interdependence really mean.  Guys often get cold feet and
sometimes performance problems at this realization, also that sex is
not going to be the primary glue to a lasting relationship (not to
"degrade" yours to that, but that is what your question is about).
Seven months together is not very long, still only good times (till
now), love and compatibility, but no promise of commitment, as you
mention.  (Hmmm, I was just that age when I said goodby to my then
girlfriend and took a six month trip, not expecting to return.  But we
got married two years later. :-)

His response to your prying does say very much:  fear of commitment,
uncertainty that he wants give up any future possibilities, though I
wouldn't agree with the previous comment's extreme suggestions.

This is just one older man's interpretation and obviously no
suggestion of an answer.  I expect that only time will tell.  Maybe my
comments can help; I hope so.
Regards, Myoarin

sugarcube5-ga ,

before i met my last bf, i was pretty active in sexual activity.
explored with few partners.

when i met my last guy ( i am now single cos the relationship did not
work out due to other reason , not cos of sex ), i thought, sorry not
to sound crude , that his penis must be of considerable size cos of
his height and build ( he is 1.87m tall and weighs 101kg when i first
met him ).

i am very insensitive and only big penis can let me have a little bit
of sensation. most of the times, the going in and out - to me, are
just motions that create no sensation.

guess appearance are deceiving cos my ex - though big in build and
tall in height, his penis is the smallest of all my previous sexual
partners. sex with him was the least satisfying.

i thought about this issue for a long time. should i continue with the
relationship or end it earlier before it gets too heavy.

i had a talk with him. i am a frank person and i would not want to
sweep it under the carpet.

i later arrived at the conclusion that if i found a good guy, i should
not let his ability in bed or whether the size of his penis , destroy
what we have. there are others way we can still satisfy each other.

we experimented a few positions and found out only one positions can
let me have some sensation. nevertheless, i do not mind abt it.

i just personally feel that, in a loving relationship, though sex is
an important factor - it is not everything.

when you fell in love with him, ask yourself, what are the qualities
which attract him to you?

if you can only say: his skills in bed. then i have nothing further to say.