Dear jilly5-ga,
I am so sorry to hear about your friend’s death. You must feel a
tremendous loss. However, the symptoms you describe before your
friend’s death are supported by medical literature.
It appears that as your friend’s daughter spent some the final hours
with her mother, and her mother seemed to be “looking at her without
really seeing her,” she was actually seeing and hearing the people and
scenes from a life that was uniquely her own. You might be able to
take some comfort in that thought.
Medical literature makes it clear that during the actual dying
process, the patient may actually be “Seeing or hearing things that
the rest of the family cannot.” Furthermore, at the time of death,
“Eyes may be wide open like you are staring.” From “Death and Dying.”
Care Notes for the Professional at
http://www.micromedex.com/products/demos/webready/Professional/CareNotes/data_005.html
I recommend a very comforting article about the dying process titled
“Signs and Symptoms of Approaching Death” from the Hospice of North
Central Florida at http://hospicecares.org/hands/signs.html . Reading
it actually gave me much comfort as I anticipate the coming death of
my parents, and I hope you gain some peace from it also.
Some excerpts follow:
“The other dynamic of the dying process at work is on the
emotional-spiritual plane, and is a different kind of process. The
spirit of the dying person begins the final process of release from
the body, its immediate environment, and all attachments. This release
also tends to follow its own priorities, which may include the
resolution of whatever is unfinished of a practical nature and
reception of permission to "let go" from family members. These events
are the normal, natural way in which the spirit prepares to move from
this existence into the next dimension of life. The most appropriate
kinds of responses to the emotional-spiritual changes are those which
support and encourage this release and transition.”
“Normal Emotional, Spiritual, and Mental Signs and Symptoms with
Appropriate Responses”:
Withdrawal
“The person may seem unresponsive, withdrawn, or in a comatose-like
state. This indicates preparation for release, a detaching from
surroundings and relationships, and a beginning of letting go. Since
hearing remains all the way to the end, speak to your loved one in
your normal tone of voice, identifying yourself by name when you
speak, hold his or her hand, and say whatever you need to say that
will help the person let go.”
Vision-like experiences
“The person may speak or claim to have spoken to persons who have
already died, or to see or have seen places not presently accessible
or visible to you. This does not indicate an hallucination or a drug
reaction. The person is beginning to detach from this life and is
being prepared for the transition so it will not be frightening.”
Again, the seeming unresponsiveness to her daughter while your
friend’s eyes were open may have been due to the withdrawal process
and visionary experiences common during the death process.
“Detailed studies of the experience of dying are fairly limited, but
the available data indicate both a considerable degree of commonality
in the dying process and enough variability that no uniform model of
caregiving or preparing for death will suffice. Common physiological
signs of imminent death (i.e., death likely to occur within a few
hours or days) include……visual and auditory hallucinations, decreased
clarity of sight….”
From “A Profile of Death and Dying in America” at
http://www.nap.edu/readingroom/books/approaching/2.html
Death is never pleasant for those left behind, but in reality, the
dying process of the one we love is often not as painful or lonely as
we might believe.Your friend died surrounded by people who loved, and
will continue, to love and remember her. I imagine some of the sounds
and memories she was re-living in her final hours were filled with
times she shared with you, her good friend, and the wonderful daughter
that sat and gave final comfort to the mother she must have loved very
much.
We all share a common bond in having to say goodbye to those we
cherish. My heart is with you.
umiat-ga |
