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Q: What is Heaven like? ( Answered 5 out of 5 stars,   7 Comments )
Question  
Subject: What is Heaven like?
Category: Relationships and Society > Religion
Asked by: probonopublico-ga
List Price: $5.00
Posted: 19 Apr 2006 03:22 PDT
Expires: 19 May 2006 03:22 PDT
Question ID: 720506
Some day (but not for ages yet I hope) I expect that I will be 'called upstairs'.

Now I know that lots of people have died and that, miraculously, they
have come back to life so our diligent researchers must now be able to
describe how it all works and what a newcomer can expect.

What languages are spoken?

When will I get my wings?

Are four-letter words allowed?

Will I be able to meet distant relatives, like Adam and Eve?

Are there any preparations that I should be making?

Can I take my Laptop with me?

Will my GSM work?

Can I watch Test Cricket?

I really have hundreds of questions that I would like answered but,
for now, I will settle for those above.

Assuming 2 for the price of 1, I have therefore priced my question @ $5.

'Is this too much?' I ask myself.

Well, maybe so but I reckon that the Researchers are worthy souls who
deserve to be well paid for their efforts.

Many thanks

Bryan
Trainee Angel
Answer  
Subject: Re: What is Heaven like?
Answered By: answerfinder-ga on 20 Apr 2006 01:27 PDT
Rated:5 out of 5 stars
 
Bryan,
Trainee Anglo-Angel with an Angle,

Many thanks for accepting my comment. Which was:

I?ve had quick sťance and I am informed of the following:

What languages are spoken? - Only one: Welsh. On arrival report to the
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch language
school for lessons (first cloud on the left).

When will I get my wings? - After language lessons report to Daedalus
Wing Manufacturers Co Ltd (third cloud on the upper level) where you
will be fitted out with a novice pair. Then report to Icarus Pilot
Academy for lessons (top cloud - upper level).

Are four-letter words allowed? - Yes, providing they are in Welsh,
unpronounceable, and contain no vowels.

Will I be able to meet distant relatives, like Adam and Eve? - Only by
appointment with their literary agent. For others, appointments can be
made by submitting Forms 234RDE (23647635 pages), DRFE534 (356496
pages), and JIKJ635 (1 page). As you can see, red tape is kept to the
minimum.

Are there any preparations that I should be making? - Make a serious
bid for the other place. It?s much more fun.

Can I take my Laptop with me? - No. Only personal lap dancers or
Laplanders are allowed.

Will my GSM work? - No. You to subscribe to HSM. Heaven System for
Mobile Communications. Call in at the HSM Shop for a fully functioning
state-of-the-art digital harp which also functions as a mobile
communicator. It also takes photographs and makes a pot of tea.

Can I watch Test Cricket? - Watching cricket, especially England, is
encouraged as it ensures that you retain your old earth emotions:
frustration, despair, anger, and humour.

answerfinder
(now awaiting the summonse with some trepidation.)
probonopublico-ga rated this answer:5 out of 5 stars and gave an additional tip of: $5.00
Many thanks, AnswerAngel

We are pleased to announce that you have now been appointed our Spiritual Adviser.

We do hope that you know how to sing Spirituals.

And, please note, there are NO HOLIDAYS in your new position.

All the Best

Bryan PhD Angelology GA

(I understand that GA stands for Georgia, whoever she is.)

Comments  
Subject: Re: What is Heaven like?
From: answerfinder-ga on 19 Apr 2006 03:56 PDT
 
Bryan,

I?ve had quick sťance and I am informed of the following:

What languages are spoken? - Only one: Welsh. On arrival report to the
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch language
school for lessons (first cloud on the left).

When will I get my wings? - After language lessons report to Daedalus
Wing Manufacturers Co Ltd (third cloud on the upper level) where you
will be fitted out with a novice pair. Then report to Icarus Pilot
Academy for lessons (top cloud - upper level).

Are four-letter words allowed? - Yes, providing they are in Welsh,
unpronounceable, and contain no vowels.

Will I be able to meet distant relatives, like Adam and Eve? - Only by
appointment with their literary agent. For others, appointments can be
made by submitting Forms 234RDE (23647635 pages), DRFE534 (356496
pages), and JIKJ635 (1 page). As you can see, red tape is kept to the
minimum.

Are there any preparations that I should be making? - Make a serious
bid for the other place. It?s much more fun.

Can I take my Laptop with me? - No. Only personal lap dancers or
Laplanders are allowed.

Will my GSM work? - No. You to subscribe to HSM. Heaven System for
Mobile Communications. Call in at the HSM Shop for a fully functioning
state-of-the-art digital harp which also functions as a mobile
communicator. It also takes photographs and makes a pot of tea.

Can I watch Test Cricket? - Watching cricket, especially England, is
encouraged as it ensures that you retain your old earth emotions:
frustration, despair, anger, and humour.

answerfinder
Subject: Re: What is Heaven like?
From: myoarin-ga on 19 Apr 2006 04:16 PDT
 
Are Laplanders lap dancers who ... er, well, you know, ... "land"?

Answerfinder's wonderful comment rather takes to fun out of further
speculation on the subject.

Bryan, I just want to congratulate you on the success of your question
about the oil spot and the world-wide response to find a solution.  My
apologies for mentioning such a mondane subject when you have decided
now to consider less earthly matters.

Oh, you forgot to ask about your personal cloud.  
St. Peter will issue you one  - if he lets you in -  when you give up
all your earthly possessions, and give you instructions on how to wear
it.  At least, that is my impression from looking at many ceiling
paintings.
Subject: Re: What is Heaven like?
From: probonopublico-ga on 19 Apr 2006 05:14 PDT
 
Absolutely Brilliant, Answerfinder.

Many thanks!

I am now looking forward to the Very Special Summons with mixed emotions.

Wilt Thou kindly Honour me by pressing Thy Answer Button and
transmogrifying Thy Comment into a glittering Five Star Reward pending
even greater Blessings when Thee too are summonsed to the very highest
level?

Bryan
Trainee Anglo-Angel with an Angle
Subject: Re: What is Heaven like?
From: steph53-ga on 19 Apr 2006 07:13 PDT
 
Who could top Answerfinder's comment? Absolutely wonderful!!!!

Bryan,

Although I oft think about "training" for the great "upstairs",

I think I'll just let those Powers That Be decide whether I'll be
heading "up" or "down"....

Great question though!!!

Steph53
Subject: Re: What is Heaven like?
From: answerfinder-ga on 20 Apr 2006 03:29 PDT
 
Bryan,
Many thanks for your tip.
AnswerAngel - now that's a great name. Too late to change mine now,
I'm stuck with it.

Best wishes.
answerfinder (wishing he was answerangel)
Subject: Re: What is Heaven like?
From: myoarin-ga on 20 Apr 2006 06:33 PDT
 
For a few hours, I thought that maybe AnswerAngel had misgivings about
revealing such information  - maybe not worried about being struck by
lightening, just a line surge that cancelled all his open tabs.

Bryan, if you have Georgia on your mind, Olivia will never talk to you.
But I expect that after your degree  - like Oxon or RSA -  it
signifies a highly recognized institute of higher learning, in this
case:  Godly Accredited.

Cheers, Myo
Subject: Re: What is Heaven like?
From: probonopublico-ga on 20 Apr 2006 08:24 PDT
 
Thanks, Mighty Myo, for your kindly advice BUT ...

Olivia never spoke to me anyway.

Women are so fickle!

Or, as Caruso put it, 'La Donna e Mobile'.

Dr PB.

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