I was at a bar with my wife, mother and fater in law, and brother and
sister in law. There was a guy hitting on my wife saying how good
looking she was. Later on my wife, her sister, and the guy that was
hitting on my wife came out of the ladies room. (it was a single
bathroom, they had the door shut and locked). Do you think anything
happened? (They said my sister in law pulled the guy in there). They
said they were just teasing the guy to go pee, and they swear nothing
happened. I think something did, why else would they be in there with
the door shut and locked. They also denied it at first because, they
did'nt know I saw them come out of the bathroom. What should I do?

---

Clarification of Question by jonesy25-ga on 02 May 2006 19:04 PDT

Do you think anything happened?

If you would like to maintain a good relationship with your wife, I
suggest that you drop this matter. Questioning her further is more
likely to annoy her than to cause her to change her story.

I'm afraid I must disagree with Pink, who is almost always on the
mark, but not here.  When your wife is at the stage when she's "just
teasing the guy to go pee", the marriage is not going well.  Seek
counseling or seek counsel.

If this is a totally isolated incident, then forget it.
- there is not much you can do apart from row with your wife.

If this is one of a chain of incidents, then you probably need to
re-think your marital status.

People sometimes do daft things, especially under the influence of
alcohol, I can think of a number of explanations (illegal substance
?), but a menage a trois does not seem that likely - well it would be
a bit cramped.

If you really trust your brother, then it is possible that his wife
has told him something, but I reckon it is a bit risky, you could set
off some feedback to your wife.

When people know that they are in the wrong, they tend to become aggressive.

Remember this - from IIRC William Blake (but probably mis-quoted)
  I bore my friend a grudge, and let it grow
  Like a poison apple, on a poison apple tree

Dwell on it and it will eat you up
- if it is part of a pattern, then calmly plan your exit.

"...why else would they be in there with the door shut and locked."

Because they were drinking too much in a bar.

"What should I do?"

Stop drinking too much in bars

Seems like the consensus seems to be "drop it." However, I wonder if
the opinion would be the same if it were a wife asking about her
husband who was in a bathroom with woman.  I somehow think more people
would be saying that she needs to stand up for herself and demand an
apology, explanation, etc...

It just goes to show how often the coverup is worse than the crime. 
Probably (hopefully) nothing did happen but I bet if they didn't deny
it at first it would be less an issue.  Instead, the denial raises
further suspicion, and the lies represent disrespect of you and
creates distrust in the relationship.  I can tell you that I would be
incensed and there is no way I could just "drop it".  Just think about
what happened here. Your wife and some strange guy who'd been hitting
on here, both of whom had been drinking, spent time in a locked
private room together, thinking that you did not see what was going
on.  She then lied about it to your face.  Just "drop it"? That's an
insult.

@frankcorrao-ga 

There were /two/ girls in a locked bar bathroom - with one guy.

I've a very good idea what they were doing, and I doubt it was
multiple intercourse, otherwise (if my hypothesis is correct) they
would have been in there for hours.

Drop it? She tried to get away with it by lying to me. She said she
was never in there with the guy and her sister until I got the lady
that saw them come out. What do you think about giving her a polygraph
test to see what really went on in there?. Did she not give me reason
to distrust her?

Maybe Maury Povich's producers are interested in your story. He has
lie detector shows all the time. But your wife would have to consent
and be on the show.

Click the "Be Maury's Guest" door.
http://www.mauryshow.com/

If you're asking me, since I am the last Commenter, --NO. Of course
nothing happened in the bathroom with 2 women (SISTERS, for gawd's
sake!) --and one man. If you were to ask me what "I think" happened, I
think that after you had expressed your feelings about the guy hitting
on your wife, one of the 2 sisters saw him and cornered him (wherever
possible) to tell him to LAY OFF, because YOU were getting pissed off.

Then, after that, you confronted them. Because you have shown jealous
tendencies in the past, your wife wanted to minimize your reaction,
prayed you didn't see their coming or going in the bathroom (where
they warned him of your probable OVERreaction), and lied to you, not
wanting to make it worse.

But you, having BAITED her, caught her in a bold face lie. 

It is my belief that _not_sexual_a_sexual_single_sexual_thing_sexual
happened --in that locked bathroom. You gotta be kidding, right? The
only thing that transpired was a warning to the guy to LAY OFF because
you would get mad, madder, and even madder than "I" can imagine.

Get over it. 

~~Cynthia

Cynthia's point is a good one - a female slant is useful

My take is now one of these :-

  1) Original hypothesis - sniffing a line
  2) Cynthia, warning him off - very possible
  3) Your 'informant' is stirring things - perhaps she has grudges ?

The idea of two girls and one guy sh*gging in a wash room is ... well
possible, but not likely - well not from what you have said so far.
Two married women seldom act like groupies when their husbands are around.

Cool down, somebody might be pulling your chain.

If you think that it is absolutely impossible that anything happened
in that bathroom, then obviously you have not seen near enough
internet pornography.  Kidding aside, half the point, possibly more,
is the appearance and the lies.  It is the disrespect and distrust
conjured by those things.  It's hard for me to comprehend how that is
not as obvious to everyone else as it is to me.

Thanks, cynthia. Your take on this makes me feel better. Although I
know they were not telling him to back off. They were teasing him to
go to the bathroom. (what I call flirting). But, to tell me to get
over it, is a little harsh. I think even a guy that is not jealous
would be upset about his wife and sister in-law being in a locked
bathroom by themselves.

Get over it isn't harsh. You're over-reacting. The fact is, you _will_
get over it sooner or later, face it, you're not going to your grave
still angry about this one episode. For your own sanity, peace of
mind, and quality of life, I hope you do it soon. You've already been
angry for nearly 2 weeks! It's not helping anything.

Are you friends with your wife ?

- if she is not your buddy - then walk away

go to a bar pull 2 women and see how she likes it. alls fair in love
and war. if push comes 2 shove, at least itll level out the playing
field. as long as u stay in the same amount of time as your wife did,
u shud find out what can b done in a washroom lol

if u r too much concerned with these things then stop going to bars
and public places where crazy people come around. Instead choose some
places like movies, restaurants(where drinking is not allowed) etc
where you can have a good time even there..

Don't take it too seriously. Have a nice talk with your wife, ask her
to be honest with you.. try to keep yourself calmed and don't get too
overheated or jealous, give her time to answer... anyways if you trust
your wife you shouldn't be concerned. Having a talk is the best thing
you can do. (or forgetting the incident)

Nothing happened. How do I know?
-They came out of the bathroom all at once; that alone says that
nothing bad happened, otherwise they would have been more discrete.
-Both your wife and her sister were in there. Their parents were there
-- they aren't going to do anything bad with their parents sitting 35
feet outside the bathroom door.
-There has been no mention of what happened immediately after that
regarding the guy who was in there. Let me tell you, if something
beyond making a fool of the guy happened in that bathroom, that guy
would have been screaming it from the top of the bar.

Those are three very solid reasons to conclude nothing that occurred
in that bathroom would upset you.

Why did your wife lie?
You were getting angry about the guy hitting on your wife prior to the
incident. This tells me that your wife had a fair (but not good)
reason to try to cover it up, which was to not make you upset. That's
the honest truth. Her intentions were good even if the lie was a bad
choice. Suppose you hadn't seen them come out together. Would you
honestly have not gotten upset if you had asked the same question
spontaneously and she said yes? Your wife didn't tell you since it may
have gotten blown out of proportion, like it has here. You are also
guilty of being unfair and untruthful -- you asked a baited question,
misleading her into thinking you didn't know. Your intentions were not
good (they were to trap your wife) and it was not a good choice. You
are guilty of not being honest as well.

Here's the best course of action:
1. Bring your wife a flower or some chocolate and tell her you are
sorry that you kept on with the issue. Tell her that you would like
her to be honest with you and promise to do your best not to get upset
about these types of unimportant events when she is honest with you.
(At the very least bring flowers/chocolates to her.) From here on out,
drop the issue. You can be assured nothing happened otherwise you
would have known by now. Redirect your energy towards making your wife
happy and improving your relationship.
2. If this question goes through without an "answer" (which I hope it
does not), take the $35 you saved by not getting an answer and take
your wife on a little date.
3. Don't go to bars with your wife unless you are okay with
occasionally seeing men hit on her; some men go to bars to pick up
women and not all of them immediately notice a ring (and some don't
care). If you want to avoid that kind of thing, consider a resturaunt
next time and order drinks at a sit-down table (odds are much better
men won't approach your wife in this scenario). If your wife is still
being approached, be thankful your wife is so attractive! You can't
get mad about that!

Again, I'm not saying it was a good decision by your wife to go in
that bathroom or lie, but you were also guilty of two offenses --
being overly jealous prior to the incident and misleading/trapping
your wife with your question. Forgive and forget, and rest assured
that nothing happened.

Best,
David

Oops, guess this one is already expired -- take your wife on a date
with your $35. (Although hopefully you have already made up... it's
months later.)

Nothing happened? You've got to be kidding this guy.

Mister, wake-up. Your wife is not your anymore. Deal with it. End this
marriage, it is only a fiction now.

A guy can cheat on his wife and still love her. That is because he has
needs, that have nothing to do with feelings. A woman cannot possibly
do that. And to feminists: no, not because women are less or anything
like that, but because they are more.

Now, you have a wife that WOULD lock herself up in a wash room with a
guy she supposedly doesn't know? All the worse!

Of course there was no intercourse, if we would ask Clinton what he
counts as intercourse.

More, when you asked about it, she didn't tell you because you mean
nothing to her. If you did, there would be different pattern: denial,
realisation, cries, confession, making-up. Insted, she dealt with it
like we deal with something we are easily to be at risk with.

To all those that think this is unthinkable, you just haven't been
around. May-be it is a good thing. But the question is what could
happen, and I know it could be anything. Been there, done that. I
wouldn't be surprised to find out how playful some of those wifes are
when they don't love their husbands. And I would be really surprised
to see the last junkie woman cheating on a man she LOVES.

Drop it?
Tell me, are you a man? Yes? Then behave like a man. If you were hurt,
- drop it, you're a man. Hungry? Drop it. Tired? Drop it!

Disrespected? If you drop it, you are not a man, it is that simple.

Don't go to a bar with your wife? You really want to be afraid that
should you go to a non-approved place with your wife she just might to
get a quickie?

Problem: Today, quite a few otherwise good-would-be-men grow up
without proper parenting designation gender behavior. There is a good
author, btw, on that,
see: Dennis W. Neder.

Respect yourself first.

If you just have to know it, find that man. Talk through a
representative, set up a meeting. Offer money for a truth with
evidence, have him set it up again. Confront her, let her know what
you think of her. Leave.

Forgot to add:

If you want a quick clinton you do what? You show your cajones. You
call her pretty in front of her husband. You smile to his face. You
behave like you can take her right now if you want to. You assert your
right. You place him immediately below you, and he doesn't object. Her
focus of attention has to change too. Now you're a dominant male, not
her husband.

She feels aroused because she gets an attention of a real man. That is
what this is all about. She would do it, because for her the real man
attention is everything, just like for you the dream that a real
sweetie girl you saw dancing a pole would really be your student girl.


She understands it is not jungle. There is going to be no fight.
However, she know what she needs to do. And explaining this to you?
Why would she do that?


Is this what happened?