I'm an experienced tantra practitioner. First of all, it's best
to think of it as expanding into a potentially much more fulfilling
experience, rather than avoiding or resisting a pleasurable one. To
an experienced practitioner, orgasm is low on the list of possible
experiences. Bliss is a very real possibility.
The basic techniques are quite simple, really, but take some
practice to break old habits:
- Slow your breathing. As your practice improves, you will find
that it helps to synchronize your breathing with your partner.
In order for this to be the most effective, it will help to
inform your partner that you are experimenting with exploring
sex in a different way, meant to enhance the experience for
both of you. Her cooperation will greatly improve the results,
and it's unlikely she'll find this objectionable in any way.
- Relax your abdominal muscles, and breathe abdominally rather
than exclusively in the chest (the "full yoga breath" combines
abdominal and chest breathing, starting with relaxing and filling
the abdomen, followed by the chest, with the exhale being the
reverse. This can be learned and practiced outside of lovemaking.
Other key muscles include the lower back and the anal muscles.
- Allow your attention to expand beyond the genitals and include
your entire body. One method that greatly assists this is to
extend your awareness into your partner by maintaining eye
contact. This pulls your attention up and away from the genitals
and out into your partner. In the process your awareness of the
rest of your body will expand. This practice is ancient, and can
be seen repeatedly in images and statues from India, where the
Kama Sutra originated. It's commonly called 'gazing'.
When the abdomen is relaxed, it's easier to extend your sense of
feeling into your partner and the rest of your body, becoming
more aware of other sensations and intuiting what your partner
is feeling, or might enjoy feeling.
You talk of "maintaining a good pace", but good in what sense?
If you mean good enough to satisfy your partner, I think you
will find that your increased awareness of her, often facilitated
by slower movement, will have a much greater impact on her than
Finally, in "normal" sex, you normally seek the "peak" experience
of orgasm. In prolonged sex, you re-learn how to seek the "valley"
experiences, wherein lies the potential of tangible bliss. These
are moments when arousal is incredibly intense, for both of you,
but the energy becomes transmuted, through relaxation, eye contact
and synchronous deep breathing, into powerfully blissful experiences
which quickly become more desirable than orgasm, which can put a
relatively disappointing end to it all, though even orgasm, after
extended expansion, can be mind-blowing.
An excellent discussion of this topic is available on this article
from the Lucky Mojo website, by Catherine Yronwode, titled, 'Male
Control of Ejaculation':
More on sacred sex from the same site: