Google Answers Logo
View Question
Q: Wedding invitation etiquette ( No Answer,   4 Comments )
Subject: Wedding invitation etiquette
Category: Relationships and Society
Asked by: thefuzz81-ga
List Price: $2.00
Posted: 18 May 2006 14:42 PDT
Expires: 17 Jun 2006 14:42 PDT
Question ID: 730194
I am getting married in a few months, and the time has come to send
out the invitations. After assembling the guest list, two things were
immediately apparent:

1. My fiance has many, many more friends than I do.
2. There is no way we can invite everyone, unless I want to sell some
of my   more important organs to pay for the caterer. She says I
can't. So-

We came to a kind of compromise, which is that we would invite certain
people, but they would need to leave their children at home.  For
example: We want to invite my aunt and uncle, but not their 10 kids.
We simply don't have the capacity. My question is:

What is the most tactful way to handle this? How should I word the invitation?

I guess that's two questions, but an answer to either would suffice.
Everyone I ask says essentially the same thing, which is that it's our
wedding, everyone else's feelings be damned. That may be true, but a
slightly softer touch would more fit my style. Your assistance is
respectfully requested. Thanks!
There is no answer at this time.

Subject: Re: Wedding invitation etiquette
From: popoff-ga on 18 May 2006 16:26 PDT
Hey mate,

Here's a simple solution:

On the cards just invite the intended party and put "+1 guest" or "+2 guests"

Hope that makes sense :)

Subject: Re: Wedding invitation etiquette
From: myoarin-ga on 18 May 2006 16:28 PDT
I don't know how formal your invitations will be, but in this case I
would choose a form that allowed you to fill in by hand on the card
the persons invited (not just using completely printed cards and
leaving it to the names on the envelope to identify them).  If "Aunt
Betty and Uncle Tom" are written on the card, it should be clear that
all the cousins are not invited.

Then I would get the word out among those who understand the situation
to let them know that the invitations are exclusive, and ask them to
handle politely any inquiries they hear.

If you are having a church wedding, of course, anyone can attend the ceremony.

We handled a similar problem at our daughter's wedding by having a
reception to which friends and neighbors were invited who couldn't be
included in the wedding dinner party, but maybe this is not an
alternative for you.
Subject: Re: Wedding invitation etiquette
From: ubiquity-ga on 19 May 2006 12:09 PDT
The way i handled that situation is I address the card to the aunt and
uncle making no mention of the children.  Then we broke up the list
into 45 parts; my friends, fiance's friends, fiance's family and and
my family.  I passed of the responsibility for my family to my mom,
she got the message across.  In the end i was only responsible for my
friends... who i have no problem talking to.

I also made is mom's responsibility to go after people on our side of
the family who did not rsvp, and to uninvite people who said "we're
still thinking about it".
Subject: Re: Wedding invitation etiquette
From: verunica-ga on 26 May 2006 23:44 PDT
Miss Manners books, particularly Miss Manners on Weddings, answers
pretty much every awkward or non-awkward wedding etiquette question
imaginable. Plus she really can help you understand how to strike the
balance you are looking for. Check your local library or bookstore for
it - you won't be disappointed!

Important Disclaimer: Answers and comments provided on Google Answers are general information, and are not intended to substitute for informed professional medical, psychiatric, psychological, tax, legal, investment, accounting, or other professional advice. Google does not endorse, and expressly disclaims liability for any product, manufacturer, distributor, service or service provider mentioned or any opinion expressed in answers or comments. Please read carefully the Google Answers Terms of Service.

If you feel that you have found inappropriate content, please let us know by emailing us at with the question ID listed above. Thank you.
Search Google Answers for
Google Answers  

Google Home - Answers FAQ - Terms of Service - Privacy Policy