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Q: changing my daughters surname ( No Answer,   6 Comments )
Subject: changing my daughters surname
Category: Family and Home > Parenting
Asked by: dardar1171-ga
List Price: $50.00
Posted: 27 May 2006 11:09 PDT
Expires: 29 May 2006 17:52 PDT
Question ID: 732868
I have a four and a 1/2 year old daughter whom I only found out about
a little after she turned 2.  I had about a 3 and a half month
relationship with a women a little over 5 years ago after we broke up
I never seen or heard from her again until almost 3 years later I
called her out of the blue just to kinda see what she was doing(didn't
reaaly end that bad just ended) anyway we had a nice conversation and
in the course of that conversation she told me she had a daughter that
had just turned 2 it was about late feb. at the time my daughters
bithday is Jan.6 anyway she had told me she had went back to her old
boyfriend before me and that he was the father I had already done a
quick time line in my head and new things just didn't add up but at
that time I didn't really know.  Fortunetly for me her and her
boyfriend were having trouble and also building a house at the same
time and each was temporarly living with there own parents at the time
so after a couple more conversations it became apparent the she didn't
really know whos child it was(later on the stand preety much admited
she knew it was mine)during this time we begin secretly going out
knowing this was problaly temporay I had to get get here to do a
paternity test quickly and we did and from the first time i saw that
child which was about a month from are first phone call at a certified
testing lab(cost $400 bucks) I new she was mine.  At the time I wanted
to go foward with our relationship I already new what the test results
would be and get the birth certificate and my daughters name changed
right away. I also wanted her to leave the guy she was with after all
she wasn't happy(at least that what she told me) and try to make it
work after all we were seeing each other secretly and now we had
achild together.  Well thats not exactly the way it went after bring
my daughter out acouple of times to see me(I would ask to see her
every day)I finally told her you have to tell David and make a
decision what you are going to do well she told me she would one
morning her and my daughter left and she wiould be back that evening
well she told him except she never came back or answered my calls. 
After a couple weeks and a lot of begging messeages to see my daughter
she finally agreed to start meeting me and let me start seeing my
daughter for about an hour or so at parks and things I happily agreed.
 I had already contacted a lawyer the day after she didn't come back
she painted me a pretty bleak picture if the mother did't coraporate
after all about this time she was moving into her new house I didn't
know where it was my daughter had a fathers name on the birth
certificate and his name(this is finally where my question comes in)
all I had was her cell number which she didn't hardly ever answer
because half the time she would tell me I could see my daughter on a
certain day and then it would never happen.  The man on the birth
certificate was also a sheriffe whom she did tell i was the paternal
father but also told I had came into were she worked and thretened to
get a court order if she didn't get a paternity test( I didn't even
know she had ever gotten pregnant let alone know where she worked) so
after an argument with the mother over a broken agreement to see my
daughter she also kept telling me we could go to a lawyer together to
work this out and never would she hung up on me and had the sheriffes
office called me back telling me never to call her again.  This was
about rock bottom my lawyer told me without her help it could take a
year or two to ever see my daughter.  So I immedetly told my lawyer to
file to get my visitaion rights at least to see my daughter even it
was supervised. This is when I found out just how messed up the legal
system is the courts would'nt even take our filing from what I
understand there was already a father that had signed the
acknowlegdment end of story( this actually happened later on with my
second lawyer also) anyway I ended up fireing that lawyer and getting
another one who got ahold of her lawyer and after about a month and
half the two lawyers basically got me the same short visits I had( I
was just alot poorer)around september after the visits were going good
we sat done to get a final agreement to send to the courts well at
that time I wanted to get my daughters name changed in the agreement
she refused even through my daughter didn't have either one of our
names she had the other mans name I refused to have an agreement
without it and she said fine take your luck in court and stopped all
visitation.  knowing the lenght of time it would be to see my
child(she also wouldn't let me see her anymore I had know legal rights
even through i was paying her child support and paid back child
support and back medical bills about 5,000 I knew I was getting
screwed but I coulded stand the thought of not seeing my daughter and
she knew it) I almost forgot she got married right after our meeting
and legaling changed her name so it would be the same as my daughters
anyway she kept refusing to sign the agreement changing things on it
over and over this went on for almost a year and a half in this time
my lawyer finally got sick of it and tried to file to get me visitaion
without an agreement and couldn't do it anyway about this time she
finally signed and the first thing I did was asked the courts to
change my daughters name of course during this two years she knew I
was the father and knew that i was going to challenge the name  in
court she pounded in my daughters head the other name even trying to
teach her to write so when we finally go in court she could say she
uses that name and writes and all that stuff I tell my daughter her
name is mine now and its not the other name and don't apoligize for it
so we finally had our day in court the judge wanted the man that had
signed the birth certificate but he refused In court she said she
thought David was the father, but she also admitted the afair and when
ask when she thought that the baby was mine she answered after she sat
done and talked to me and figured out the dates(come on she told
another guy he was the father and never figured up the dates by the
way they were broken up to and she was seeing someone else when she
found out she was pregnant)she was also ask about the time frame of
our relationship and said it was beginning jan until mid may and that
her relationship with David didn't start until mid July.  My daughter
was born jan 6 and weighed 8 pounds.  This is practically admiting
fraud when those two signed the birth certificate.  Well I think I'm
about two weeks away from a decision and will definately appeal if I
have to.  What do you think will happen and our there any legal cases
that will help if I have to appeal.  We can't even find one that has a
paternal father that is fighting to have his daughters name changed
from another mans name.  ITS PRETTY MESSED UP.

Clarification of Question by dardar1171-ga on 27 May 2006 12:43 PDT
When did I ever say I ever had another child? As far as ignoring my
daughter I have spent time with her every chance her mom and the
courts have let me see I have never even been late om a visit.  When
we did go to court she tried to get my midweek visit taken away I
fought it but decided not to take a chance on losing so basically
agreed to do all the driving we live over 50 miles apart.

Clarification of Question by dardar1171-ga on 27 May 2006 18:43 PDT
for the last comment I am in my daughters life I get her at least a
third of the time.  But if I understand you your saying its O.K for a
women not to tell the real father that he has a child have the man
shes currently dating sign the birth certificate even through they
both new it wasn't his and then basically extort money out of me by
saying i pay all back child support and med bills or don't see her
until I get my rights through the courts which would have been about
two years and then change the birth certificate to say my name and her
maiden name because thats not getting changed and have the childs name
still stay the man who fraudlently signed.  I guesss its O.k she makes
my daughter call me by my first name and call the other guy daddy.  I
guess as long as a women can get a I guy to sign the birth certificate
thats the dad.  Actually I get along with her pretty good but this is
something we don't talk about obviosly there are people out there that
think the women can do whatever she wants and the father and the
father is whoever she says it is and the man has know rights
There is no answer at this time.

Subject: Re: changing my daughters surname
From: sonoritygenius-ga on 27 May 2006 11:25 PDT
One comment: 
Leave them alone! let them leave a peaceful life, and let your
daughter live happily with them.. your intervention is just causing an
uproar in her "ideal" life...developing...

Anyway.. you have a child yourself, give her the extra attention and
live life perfectly ;) (or try!)

It sounds like she just doesnt want to deal with you in her hectic
life, I would give her space to sort out everything - that would
ensure your child with her ALSO is not ignored...

Anyway, as you summed it all up: its pretty messed up.
Subject: Re: changing my daughters surname
From: pinkfreud-ga on 27 May 2006 11:46 PDT
What surname a child grows up with doesn't have a bearing upon that
child's happiness. If you truly care about this child, her well-being
should be your prime concern. In fact, some would say that this should
be your only concern. The ego issue of attaching one's surname to a
child sounds oddly like the desire to label one's property.
Subject: Re: changing my daughters surname
From: daniel2d-ga on 27 May 2006 16:36 PDT
There is no law that a child has to have the father's last name.  That
is a cultural practice.  The focus on having the child's last name
changed to yours is all about you.  What about the child?  What is in
her best interest?  Probably to have the last name of the family she
is is so she can identify with the family she is being raised in.  If
you get off this subject and start to develop a relationship with your
child maybe, just maybe, she will consider changing her name when she
is of age and can do it on her own.
Subject: Re: changing my daughters surname
From: aussietpp-ga on 28 May 2006 11:29 PDT
"around september after the visits were going good
we sat done to get a final agreement to send to the courts well at
that time I wanted to get my daughters name changed in the agreement
she refused even through my daughter didn't have either one of our
names she had the other mans name I refused to have an agreement
without it"

Visits were going good, then you got a little bit stubborn.
Concentrate on building a relationship with your daughter. It must be
hard for her if you making a big deal about her surname. If your
daughter lives with her mother it will probably be easier for her
having the same surname as her mother. e.g. My name is Child Smith, my
mother is Mrs Smith. After all it is usually the mother that deals
with schools, teacher, doctors and other childrens parents.
Subject: Re: changing my daughters surname
From: aussietpp-ga on 28 May 2006 11:34 PDT
In regard to child support, your daughter exists whether you see her
or not. And is therefore deserving of support. Don't became one of
those people who say "I don't see the child why should I pay for
Subject: Re: changing my daughters surname
From: frde-ga on 28 May 2006 13:32 PDT

Your mother of the child, who is also the wife of a decent guy, is
playing both ends against the middle.

She is jerking your strings - she is the one pulling the chain.

I suggest that you behave politely to him, be careful with his wife,
and be known as an 'Uncle' to your daughter.

I also suggest that you look into precis, spelling and the use of
white space (like I do - paragraphs make things readable) - but since
I detect some Bourbon, your incoherence is justifiable.

My guess is that the supposed 'father' is rather a nice guy, and that
his wife was not sure which way to jump - now financial problems....
Which is why you have been manipulated.

Names are not important, impressions are

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